Monday: Hili dialogue

Professor Ceiling Cat (Emeritus) has returned from his peregrinations, though peregrines were thin on the ground. Here’s a big shout-out to Grania for keeping the Hili and Caturday felids going in my absence!

It’s Monday again, August 20, 2018, and National Bacon Lovers’ Day, a day that we can all get behind—save Muslims, kosher-keeping Jews, vegans, and vegetarians. Here’s a bacon joke I’ve told before:

A priest and a rabbi were, by coincidence, sitting next to each other on a long flight.

About an hour passes and not a single word was exchanged by the two men. Finally, the priest turns to the rabbi and says, “Rabbi, do you mind if I ask you a personal question”? The rabbi said, “Of course you may.”

“I understand that many of you Jewish people, especially rabbis, keep kosher and, as such, don’t eat things like bacon or ham”. The rabbi acknowledged that. “Haven’t you ever even tasted bacon or ham?”, asked the priest.

The Rabbi explained, “Many years ago, I was a visiting rabbi in a small town in the middle of nowhere and found myself in a diner one Sunday morning. There was no one around so I ordered bacon and eggs. It was quite good but that was the only time that ever happened.”

After some time, the rabbi turned to the priest and said, “Father, do you mind if you ask you a very personal question”? The Priest said, “okay.”

“You priests take an oath of celibacy, right”?, asked the Rabbi. “Why, yes”, answered the priest, wondering where this was going.

“Well, haven’t you ever had sex since you’ve become as priest”?, asked the rabbi. The priest looked about nervously, leaned toward the rabbi and answered very softly, “Well, as a young parishioner I once met a lovely woman who was much taken with me.  One thing led to another and, well, I wound up having sex with her. But that’s the only time it ever happened.”

A few moments pass and the rabbi leans over to the priest and says, “A lot better than bacon, isn’t it?”

I’ll be here all week, folks.

It’s a banner day for evolution, for on this day in 1858, Darwin and Wallace published their joint papers in The Journal of the Proceedings of the Linnean Society of London. Darwin was to produce his big book the next year.  Here’s the header for the joint publication, which was brokered by Charles Lyell and Joseph Hooker, Darwin’s pals:

On this day in 1882, Tchaikovsky’s “1812 Overture” was first performed in Moscow. On August 20, 1920, the first commercial radio station (then 8MK, now WWJ) began broadcasting in Detroit.  Exactly two decades later, Leon Trotsky was murdered with an ice axe in the skull by Ramón Mercader, clearly at the behest of the Soviets. (Trotsky lived for a day before dying in the hospital.) Mercader served 20 years in a Mexican Jail, went back to Russia, and was given all kinds of awards before he died in 1978. On that same day, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill made another of his four famous wartime speeches, this one containing the phrase (referring to the RAF), “Never was so much owed by so many to so few“. Here’s the famous excerpt:

On this day in 1988, Iran and Iraq declared a ceasefire after nearly eight years of war. On August 20, 1998, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled that Quebec could not legally secede from Canada without approval of the Canadian government. A referendum by the inhabitants of that province narrowly failed. Canadians can weigh in: do you think Quebec should be its own country?

Notables born on this day include Benjamin Harrison (1833), H. P. Lovecraft (1890), trombonist Jack Teagarden (1905), Eero Saarinen (1910), Isaac Hayes (1942), Rajiv Gandhi (1944), Connie Chung (1946), and Robert Plant (1948; he’s 70 today). Those who died on August 20 include Agrippa Postumus (14 AD), Paul Ehrlich (1915, Nobel Laureate), Adolf von Baeyer (1917, Nobel Laureate), Fred Hoyle (2001) and Jerry Lewis (2017; honestly, I didn’t know he was dead).

Meanwhile in Dobrzyn, Hili has a soccer question:

Hili: Does a girl who keeps goal call herself a goalkeeper or a goalkeeperess?
A: It depends on the girl. We are living in a free country.
In Polish:
Hili: Czy dziewczyna stojąca na bramce mówi o sobie, że jest bramkarzem, czy bramkarką?
Ja: To zależy od dziewczyny. Żyjemy w wolnym kraju.

Tweets from Matthew. This first one, commemorating a cat, is from August 13:

A beetle that cultivates a moss garden on its back for camouflage:

Tweets from Grania, including this weird vision:

. . . and some spelling lessons;

A new condiment:

A depressing prediction coming from Rick Wilson, a strongly anti-Trump Republican. He’s talking about Trump having said the “n word” in the White House, as reportedly taped by Omarosa.  It’s in response to this:

A lovely tweet from the Ravenmaster of the Tower of London. Listen to the raven’s noise of pleasure, and tell us what it reminds you of:

This is six days old, but I must add that I once saw one of these basilisks run across a small stream in Costa Rica. Because of this talent, they’re also called the “Jesus Christ” lizard in Central America.

From the fake Twitter account “The Mossad”:

Finally, from reader Merilee, a hissing booth:

 

70 Comments

  1. Posted August 20, 2018 at 6:52 am | Permalink

    How about STDs? – I recently discovered sex with bacon! I know, I am getter rasher in my old age…

    • Posted August 20, 2018 at 6:52 am | Permalink

      ‘getter’ = getting…

  2. ThyroidPlanet
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 6:56 am | Permalink

    Bacon bits aren’t bacon. It’s soy.

    Mostly. From what I’ve seen.

    I didn’t realize this until very late.

    • Posted August 20, 2018 at 11:31 am | Permalink

      There are “kosher bacon bits” which are, at least.

  3. Randy Bessinger
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 6:58 am | Permalink

    I think Rick Wilson is right. I just read his book. Very entertaining, but make no mistake, he was no fan of Obama or the Democrats. He did have some suggestions for them which were interesting. He does hate Trump.

    • Harrison
      Posted August 20, 2018 at 7:49 am | Permalink

      I think they’re both wrong.

      Nothing will ever shame Trump into resignation but at the same time the pervasive belief that white people in America and Republicans specifically are just itching to bring back n***** into everyday use is some kind of weird conspiratorial belief mainly of the identitarian left. It’s also indicative of an obsession over language rather than actions. As though the blatant racism of Republicans isn’t so bad right up until the point they invoke a magic curse word and then it becomes beyond the pale.

      • Historian
        Posted August 20, 2018 at 8:28 am | Permalink

        There is little evidence whether Republicans want to “normalize” the n-word. You can perhaps dig up a few quotes from people who argue this about Republicans, but so what? The important question is what will be the political repercussions for Trump if a tape is found of him uttering the word? If and until such a tape surfaces, we can only speculate, although perhaps a poll could shed some light on this. My speculation is that his utterance of the word would have little or no effect on his base. He will not resign or be shamed. But, his base is too small to gain him victory in 2020. He would lose the support of many fence sitters, who are nominal Republicans. His already shaky chance to win reelection will diminish greatly. For the rest of his term he will become more unstable and may even be impeached by the House if Democrats win in November. The chances of the Democrats winning in November will rise significantly if the tape comes out before the election. The odds of him being removed in a Senate trial will go up, but not so far up that he will actually be convicted (on this point I readily concede I may be wrong).

        • Marta
          Posted August 20, 2018 at 9:00 am | Permalink

          I may have mentioned, my best friend is a conservative Republican.

          Because she believes that the worst existential threat facing the US is the invasion of Mooslem hoards and the consequent imposition of Sharia law on the judicial system [9/11 broke her brain in important and dangerous ways], there is literally zero bad thing that trump and/or his minions can say or do that make him worse than the best Democrat. trump may or may not have said the n-word. The point is, neither she nor any other Republican actually gives a shit about that, because they don’t care that trump and/or Republicans are racist. It’s not their issue.

          • Randy Bessinger
            Posted August 20, 2018 at 9:34 am | Permalink

            Does she think Obama is a closet Muslim?

            • Marta
              Posted August 20, 2018 at 10:34 am | Permalink

              She thought that Obama was a Socialist Kenyan Muslim and the most threatening thing in the Universe.She hated him so much, I worried someone would mention his name and she’d have a stroke.

          • Posted October 12, 2018 at 1:51 pm | Permalink

            I don’t think your friend’s brain is that broken. Much of what she fears is a reality in some countries here in Europe.

    • Ken Kukec
      Posted August 20, 2018 at 9:12 am | Permalink

      I just read Wilson’s book, too (or, rather, read around in it some the other weekend afternoon). The man certainly has a lively way with invective. I got a kick out of it.

      We need to make common cause with the never-Trumpers for the sake of the Union.

      • Randy Bessinger
        Posted August 20, 2018 at 9:26 am | Permalink

        Agreed…some laugh out loud stuff.

      • Posted August 20, 2018 at 11:41 am | Permalink

        Didn’t read Wilson’s book but I enjoy his appearances on Bill Maher’s show and elsewhere. We have to support conservatives who are anti-Trump, at least until he’s gone.

    • Posted August 20, 2018 at 11:38 am | Permalink

      The n-word won’t bring down Trump. However, with proof it might lose Trump whatever black vote he has. It also would be entertaining to see his black apologists, like Paris Dennard on CNN, explain it away.

      • Jenny Haniver
        Posted August 20, 2018 at 1:15 pm | Permalink

        Black people don’t need to hear Trump say the n*word to know that he’s a racist.

        • Posted August 20, 2018 at 1:19 pm | Permalink

          I don’t think anyone should doubt Trump is a racist. I was referring to the fact that Trump does have black supporters. I have to assume that some of them think Trump is not a racist. I recently heard that there’s been an increase in his black supporters but it is hard to believe.

          • Harrison
            Posted August 20, 2018 at 6:41 pm | Permalink

            Trump recently gathered a large number of black pastors who were willing to supplicate to him despite the fact that Trump’s literally the least godly person to ever occupy the Oval Office and rage-tweets from work instead of going to church. I don’t see any reason to think evangelical blacks are more discerning or less hypocritical than evangelical whites.

      • Ken Kukec
        Posted August 20, 2018 at 2:23 pm | Permalink

        Paris Dennard — I’ve never gotten gay Republicans or black Republicans. Denard’s doubly bamboozled. Must be some serious self-loathing burning deep down in that man’s metaphorical soul.

    • Posted August 20, 2018 at 4:34 pm | Permalink

      Not only is Rick Wilson right, I believe his approval rating will immediately go up 7-12%.

  4. ThyroidPlanet
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 7:03 am | Permalink

    OH

    I get the joke!

    That’s a great joke!

  5. Scientifik
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 7:10 am | Permalink

    “On that same day, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill made another his his four famous wartime speeches, this one containing the phrase (referring to the RAF), “Never was so much owed by so many to so few“.

    Ahem…

    “The English are particularly skilled at taking the glory for other people’s endeavours.”

    https://www.historyanswers.co.uk/history-of-war/honouring-polands-303-squadron-on-the-big-screen/

    • infiniteimprobabilit
      Posted August 20, 2018 at 7:36 am | Permalink

      Oh, bah. Churchill was indeed referring to the RAF as a whole. Are you suggesting the Poles weren’t in the RAF?

      cr

      • Scientifik
        Posted August 20, 2018 at 9:03 am | Permalink

        They were Polish Air Force (Poland paid GB for the fighter aircraft they were flying on), and constituted the second largest force during the Battle of Britain. Yet, they received no mention in Churchill’s speech. I hope the new movie Hurricane, with Iwan Rheon, will do justice to their critical role in that historic battle.

        • infiniteimprobabilit
          Posted August 20, 2018 at 10:00 am | Permalink

          “Most of the other countries that have been overrun by Germany for the time being have persevered valiantly and faithfully. The Czechs, the Poles, the Norwegians, the Dutch, the Belgians are still in the field, sword in hand, recognized by Great Britain and the United States as the sole representative authorities and lawful Governments of their respective States.”

          From that same speech.

          cr

          • Scientifik
            Posted August 20, 2018 at 10:52 am | Permalink

            Did Churchill say it in direct reference to the Battle of Britain, or was it a general remark?

            PS It’s striking that Churchill proclaimed that the peoples fighting alongside GB are “recognized as the sole representative authorities and lawful Governments of their respective States,” but in the end, he and Roosevelt withdrew their recognition of the Polish government in London, backing a communist puppet govt installed in Poland by Stalin. As a consequence of this betrayal, the Polish pilots who contributed so much to the victory in 1940, couldn’t even go back to their homeland after the war’s end. Some who decided to try they luck were upon their arrival subjected to communist show trials, and either sentenced to death or forced in jail for long years on completely trumped-up charges of being “Nazi collaborators” and “Western spies”.

            • Posted October 12, 2018 at 1:55 pm | Permalink

              Churchill could not immediately after Hitler’s defeat start another war, with Stalin.

    • Richard
      Posted August 20, 2018 at 8:12 am | Permalink

      Excuse me?

      The RAF Roll of Honour recognises 574 Battle of Britain pilots (about 140 from Poland) from countries other than the United Kingdom, alongside 2,353 British pilots. Most of the pilots *were* English (I don’t have the breakdown for the UK pilots into English/Scottish/Welsh/N. Irish, but it’s safe to assume they were mostly English as England is by far the most populous country of the UK).

      • Frank Bath
        Posted August 20, 2018 at 8:31 am | Permalink

        Not forgetting the revolutionary British early warning defence radar stations set up before the war, which made the air war winnable for pilots of all nations.

      • Scientifik
        Posted August 20, 2018 at 9:21 am | Permalink

        “The RAF Roll of Honour recognises 574 Battle of Britain pilots (about 140 from Poland) from countries other than the United Kingdom, alongside 2,353 British pilots.”

        Good to know, but it’s still a pity that the bloody foreigners
        didn’t get a mention in Churchill’s speech.

        • Scientifik
          Posted August 20, 2018 at 9:30 am | Permalink

          And BTW…

          “The Commander-in-Chief of Fighter Command, Air Chief Marshal Sir Hugh Dowding, was blunter in his assessment, ‘Had it not been for the magnificent work of the Polish squadrons and their unsurpassed gallantry, I hesitate to say that the outcome of battle would have been the same’. This assessment was echoed by the Secretary of State for the Air Force and indeed, during some of the most desperate points of the battle, the RAF had ‘only 350 pilots to scramble, of which nearly 100 were Poles'”.

          https://www.historic-uk.com/HistoryUK/HistoryofBritain/Polish-Pilots-the-Battle-of-Britain/

          • infiniteimprobabilit
            Posted August 20, 2018 at 10:06 am | Permalink

            Right. That sounds exactly like “The English are particularly skilled at taking the glory for other people’s endeavours” doesn’t it?

            cr

            • Scientifik
              Posted August 20, 2018 at 11:01 am | Permalink

              That may have been a little harsh, but it was a quote from an interview with Hurricane’s director, David Blair, which I linked above.

          • Posted August 20, 2018 at 10:18 am | Permalink

            ENOUGH!

            • Scientifik
              Posted August 20, 2018 at 11:04 am | Permalink

              Excuse me?

              • bonetired
                Posted August 20, 2018 at 12:37 pm | Permalink

                PCC(E) is muttering that you might soon be in trouble ……

            • David Coxill
              Posted August 20, 2018 at 1:00 pm | Permalink

              Glad it’s not just me who is getting it in the neck from the Doc .

              Here is a Rabbi and Pork products joke

              An old Rabbi was nearing the end of his life and he thought after a lifetime of keeping Kosher he would like to try Pork .
              So he went into a restaurant and ordered Suckling Pig .
              It arrived and he was just about to tuck in when a member of his Synagogue walked in and saw him.
              “Rabbi ,i am shocked to see you about to eat Pork”?

              The rabbi replied “You are shocked ,i ordered a baked Apple and just look how they serviced it?

              I am also here all week,

              • rickflick
                Posted August 20, 2018 at 11:53 pm | Permalink

                😎

        • David Coxill
          Posted August 20, 2018 at 2:55 pm | Permalink

          Don’t wish to keep on ,but Bomber Command lost far more aircrew during the BOB ,flying crates like Bristol Blenheims attacking the invasion barges .

    • David Coxill
      Posted August 20, 2018 at 2:28 pm | Permalink

      Well, just off the A40 at Northolt there is the Polish War Memorial ,unveiled in 1948 .

    • David Coxill
      Posted August 20, 2018 at 2:49 pm | Permalink

      Never mind about that .This is the best Churchill impression you will ever see.

  6. W.T. Effingham
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 7:16 am | Permalink

    Quoth the raven, “Stroke me more” .

  7. Roger
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 7:52 am | Permalink

    Try the veal!

  8. Ken Kukec
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 8:00 am | Permalink

    Professor Ceiling Cat (Emeritus) has returned from his peregrinations …

    Thank gawd.

    When you abandon us on these trips, for the first couple days, during the cold-turkey detox, my family has to lock me in a room, like Frank Sinatra kicking his habit in The Man With the Golden Arm. It’s either that, or I’ll be searching for crumbs in the dead threads of WEIT’s closed comment sections — or worse, prowling the back alleys of disreputable corners of the internet lookin’ for a new connect. 🙂

    • Posted August 20, 2018 at 8:38 am | Permalink

      It’s gonna take me a few days to get up to speed.

    • darrelle
      Posted August 20, 2018 at 8:39 am | Permalink

      🙂

      I sorta can relate.

    • Paul S
      Posted August 20, 2018 at 10:53 am | Permalink

      Jonesing for some PCC(E).

  9. JB
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 8:04 am | Permalink

    I thought to tell my girlfriend the joke, but I’m fairly sure she’d say she prefers bacon and I’m not sure I want to know that…

    • rickflick
      Posted August 20, 2018 at 11:52 pm | Permalink

      😎

  10. DrBrydon
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 8:14 am | Permalink

    That “i before e” mug is great.

  11. Merilee
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 8:30 am | Permalink

    ✔️✔️

  12. Torbjörn Larsson
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 9:04 am | Permalink

    We call it black pepper, white pepper (and cat).

    “A lot better than bacon, isn’t it?”

    Ouch! That is not a ham-fisted joke.

    That put down reminded me of Trevor Noah’s comment on the reveal of the Pennsylvania children rape industry:

    “And I’m sorry guys, at some point I feel like we need to stop calling it a church and start calling it what it is: a molesting club with an opening prayer.”

  13. Ken Kukec
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 9:04 am | Permalink

    Wait, you didn’t know Jerry Lewis was dead? I have half a recollection of you doin’ a tribute post of some kind to Le Roi du Crazy at the time of his death.

    One of us must be havin’ a bit of a senior moment here. 🙂

    • Posted August 20, 2018 at 10:19 am | Permalink

      I must have, but I’ve forgotten. After all, it was a year ago. . .

    • rickflick
      Posted August 20, 2018 at 11:59 pm | Permalink

      I didn’t remember his death so I Googled it. It appears that he was on the one hand a hell of an entertainer and on the other hand a horrible human being. He had a terrible family life and his 6 kids were traumatized by it. He left his fortune to is latest sweetheart and nothing to his wife of 30 years. Oh, well…my childhood still remembers him as the funniest bellhop on Earth.

      • Posted August 21, 2018 at 10:39 am | Permalink

        Jerry Seinfeld did one of his “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee” segments with Jerry Lewis. It was surprisingly funny.

  14. HBB
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 9:40 am | Permalink

    Thanks for the reminder about the anniversary of the publication of the Darwin & Wallace paper. I start yet another (I think this will be the 20th time) fall semester teaching undergrad evolution this morning and this makes a nice point of interest.

  15. Jenny Haniver
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 9:42 am | Permalink

    I recently heard a radio program that chronicled the theft of Wallace’s birds-of- paradise from the British Museum by a flautist/fish fly tyer (sp?), who sold the feathers to others who did fly tying. It was a wild and crazy story but I can’t find a link. However, I see that there’s a recently published book about the caper https://www.npr.org/2018/04/30/607079309/a-weird-but-true-story-takes-flight-in-the-feather-thief.

    And this is an interesting paper about Wallace: “Alfred Russel Wallace: Natural Selection, Socialism, and Spiritualism” https://www.cell.com/current-biology/fulltext/S0960-9822(13)01317-1.

    • infiniteimprobabilit
      Posted August 20, 2018 at 9:48 am | Permalink

      Grrrr. It makes me want to locate every single one of those dicks’ favourite fishing streams and fish it out with dynamite, preferably while they’re still standing in it…

      cr

    • David Coxill
      Posted August 20, 2018 at 1:08 pm | Permalink

      Poor old Wallace ,first the specimens he collected in South America get burned at sea on the way back to GB ,now this .

      Museums are plagued by people helping themselves to stuff that doesn’t belong to them.
      Antique Maps being a fav target .

  16. nwalsh
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 9:53 am | Permalink

    I believe Canada has moved on from the Quebec thing. They realize the good thing they have and we tolerate them.

  17. jaxkayaker
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 10:25 am | Permalink

    The spelling rule is often truncated to “i before e, except after c”, but I’ve seen a more complete version, which correctly covers more cases, though not all:

    “i before e, except after c, unless sounding like a as in neighbor and weigh”

    • Posted August 20, 2018 at 11:34 am | Permalink

      It still led to many of my elementary school classmates overgeneralizing and misspelling my name. (Also that of a classmate, so they had *two* examples to work from!)

  18. BJ
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 10:32 am | Permalink

    That’s the best priest-and-a-rabbi joke I’ve ever heard/read. I’m keeping that one.

    Love the Corbyn mug.

  19. Posted August 20, 2018 at 11:36 am | Permalink

    As for the joke, ah, the classics …

    And to celebrate HP Lovecraft and the 1812 Overture on one day? This could get awesome. 🙂

  20. JonLynnHarvey
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 1:31 pm | Permalink

    A prominent exception to “I before e” is when they are together before a ‘g’.
    That covers all but 5 out of 8 of the exceptions on the mug.

    • JonLynnHarvey
      Posted August 20, 2018 at 3:41 pm | Permalink

      covers 5 out of 8 leaving 3

  21. Posted August 20, 2018 at 1:46 pm | Permalink

    My favorite rabbi-bacon joke is from Woody Allen, found in his collection of short stories, Getting Even. In elevator format, the joke goes like this: A devout student studies the Torah in preparation for a meeting with the greatest, wisest, and most learned rabbi of his age. After years of preparation, he is ushered into the great rabbi’s presence, and asks “Rebbe, why are we not allowed to eat pork?”; to which the rebbe replies, “We’re not?”

  22. grasshopper
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 4:53 pm | Permalink

    A man (possibly a Rabbi)was walking past a farm when he noticed a pig with a wooden leg. He was intrigued and asked the farmer about it.
    “That pig” said the farmer, “woke us all up one night when the house was on fire. Squealed at the door, he did, till we all got out safely.”
    “But why has it got a wooden leg?” asked the man.
    “That pig”, enthused the farmer, “found my youngest boy drowning in the dam, dragged him out and resuscitated him. It’s an amazing pig!”
    The man agreed it was an amazing pig, but insisted on knowing why it was going about with a wooden leg.
    “That pig!”, said the farmer, “We just couldn’t bring ourselves to eat it all at once.”

  23. James Walker
    Posted August 20, 2018 at 5:06 pm | Permalink

    I think Canada would be the poorer if Quebec separated, but it’s up to the people of Quebec to make that decision.


One Trackback/Pingback

  1. […] and also, a Rabbi/Priest joke (courtesy of WhyEvolutionIsTrue) in honor of National Bacon Lovers Day […]

%d bloggers like this: