Category Archives: TSA Follies

I got thoroughly groped again!

As I don’t have TSA PreCheck status on my flight from Kona to Honolulu, I had to stand with the herd and go through the regular security checkpoint.  I took off my metal belt buckle (leaving on my leather belt), removed everything from my pockets, and dutifully put my liquids and computer (out of its […]

I didn’t get groped!

My luck is turning, perhaps thanks to my Lucky Ducks. I breezed through TSA Pre-Check today in about 2 minutes, wearing my shoes and fleece—and nobody touched my buttocks. (Granted, I went through the metal detector rather than the See-You-Naked Machine.) To celebrate, I had a Dunkin Donut (guess which flavor?) and a large coffee. […]

I hate TSA and customs

Well, I wasn’t groped this time, but it was still a nightmare getting into my own country. The flight from Puebla to Houston was fine: I got to the airport early (about 6:00 am) and had breakfast with two physicists, Mario Livio and Adam Riess  (yes, a Nobelist at the impossibly young age of 41) […]

This is not starting well

The good news is this: I went through TSA Precheck at O’Hare Airport quickly and without a hitch, and not a human hand touched my buttocks. The bad news is that I came three hours early to enjoy the amenities of the United Club Lounge, which, I was assured by United on the phone (who […]

No, I didn’t get groped

I see that most people think I would have been, but it didn’t happen. I went through a metal detector, so perhaps they didn’t find the MYSTERIOUS YELLOW BAND that appears on my tuchas in the See-You-Naked Machine. I’m a lucky boy.

Yes, I got groped again

It’s inevitable. When I went through the See-You-Naked Machine at O’Hare, the dreaded Yellow Patch showed up on my left wrist (a watch) and also. . . yes, you guessed it, the part of the body that Yiddish speakers call the tuchas.  The TSA man asked me if I wanted a “private screening”, and I […]

Amy Alkon: Did a TSA agent commit sexual assault?

My friend Amy Alkon, the Advice Goddess who writes books and a website about how to behave civilly (and is a big critic of the Ctrl-Left), once became uncivil, but properly so. As happened to me, she was groped by a TSA (Transportation Security Administration) agent at LAX, the big airport in Los Angeles. But […]

I didn’t get groped!

TSA PreCheck is the best thing ever. It must have taken me three minutes to get all the way through security, and this was at O’Hare. I didn’t have to take out my computer or liquids, remove my shoes, my belt, or my laptop from the bag.  And. . .NO GROPING. Let the plebeians be […]

I was not groped in Warsaw

For those who have followed my various gropings and goosings at airports, I will happily report that, at Chopin Airport at Warsaw, security was a breeze. We didn’t have to remove our shoes (but we did our watches), we had to remove laptops and liquids from our bags, as well as taking off our belts, but then […]

Goosed again!

It turns out that TSA Precheck Status doesn’t help you when you’re flying internationally, so I had to go through the entire screening process at O’Hare: shoes and belt off, computer and liquids out of laptop, and so on. And, as usual, the See You Naked Machine found those suspect Yellow Patches on me. But […]