Category Archives: TSA Follies

I didn’t get groped!

My luck is turning, perhaps thanks to my Lucky Ducks. I breezed through TSA Pre-Check today in about 2 minutes, wearing my shoes and fleece—and nobody touched my buttocks. (Granted, I went through the metal detector rather than the See-You-Naked Machine.) To celebrate, I had a Dunkin Donut (guess which flavor?) and a large coffee. […]

I hate TSA and customs

Well, I wasn’t groped this time, but it was still a nightmare getting into my own country. The flight from Puebla to Houston was fine: I got to the airport early (about 6:00 am) and had breakfast with two physicists, Mario Livio and Adam Riess  (yes, a Nobelist at the impossibly young age of 41) […]

This is not starting well

The good news is this: I went through TSA Precheck at O’Hare Airport quickly and without a hitch, and not a human hand touched my buttocks. The bad news is that I came three hours early to enjoy the amenities of the United Club Lounge, which, I was assured by United on the phone (who […]

No, I didn’t get groped

I see that most people think I would have been, but it didn’t happen. I went through a metal detector, so perhaps they didn’t find the MYSTERIOUS YELLOW BAND that appears on my tuchas in the See-You-Naked Machine. I’m a lucky boy.

Yes, I got groped again

It’s inevitable. When I went through the See-You-Naked Machine at O’Hare, the dreaded Yellow Patch showed up on my left wrist (a watch) and also. . . yes, you guessed it, the part of the body that Yiddish speakers call the tuchas.  The TSA man asked me if I wanted a “private screening”, and I […]

Amy Alkon: Did a TSA agent commit sexual assault?

My friend Amy Alkon, the Advice Goddess who writes books and a website about how to behave civilly (and is a big critic of the Ctrl-Left), once became uncivil, but properly so. As happened to me, she was groped by a TSA (Transportation Security Administration) agent at LAX, the big airport in Los Angeles. But […]

I didn’t get groped!

TSA PreCheck is the best thing ever. It must have taken me three minutes to get all the way through security, and this was at O’Hare. I didn’t have to take out my computer or liquids, remove my shoes, my belt, or my laptop from the bag.  And. . .NO GROPING. Let the plebeians be […]

I was not groped in Warsaw

For those who have followed my various gropings and goosings at airports, I will happily report that, at Chopin Airport at Warsaw, security was a breeze. We didn’t have to remove our shoes (but we did our watches), we had to remove laptops and liquids from our bags, as well as taking off our belts, but then […]

Goosed again!

It turns out that TSA Precheck Status doesn’t help you when you’re flying internationally, so I had to go through the entire screening process at O’Hare: shoes and belt off, computer and liquids out of laptop, and so on. And, as usual, the See You Naked Machine found those suspect Yellow Patches on me. But […]

TSA’s most embarrassing screwup yet

Well, the Transportation Safety Administration—the dreaded “TSA”—has done a lot of publicly embarrassing things in its time (I myself have been goosed by its agents innumerable times), but this is the worst incident yet, and should prompt some major soul-searching at that odious agency. According to both WREG in Memphis and the Guardian, the TSA did […]