Humor of the day

I’ll be at the KentPresents Festival all day today, and must slip in posts in the early morning. As I said, posting will be light until Monday. But here’s some humor contributed by reader pyers (click on screenshot). This seems real, and, as the story notes, the “fuck off” parrot was finally rescued. Pyers’s note:

Amongst all the doom and gloom (including some absolute bollocks emanating from my old university, Aberystwyth, about mentoring old professors), I felt that a lighter moment is needed….

An excerpt from the story:

You see, Jessie had been stuck on the roof of a house in Edmonton, North London, for around three days. Eventually, the London Fire Brigade attended the scene with the intention of getting the bird down from them, however, all they got was an earful after the birds started hurling expletives at the crew.

Despite the fire volunteer bringing up a lovely bowl of food and a fluffy towel to try and coax her down, she just kept telling him to “fuck off”.


  1. busterggi
    Posted August 16, 2018 at 1:30 pm | Permalink

    How is a winged creature ‘trapped’ outdoors w/o any restraints?!?

    • jaxkayaker
      Posted August 16, 2018 at 1:35 pm | Permalink

      Pet parrots often have their flight feathers clipped.

      • busterggi
        Posted August 16, 2018 at 1:58 pm | Permalink

        Yes, I raised cockatiels for over a decade. Even a bird with clipped wing feathers can flutter down off a roof IF it wants to.

    • Posted August 16, 2018 at 1:37 pm | Permalink

      It looks suspiciously like a Norwegian Blue…

      • GBJames
        Posted August 16, 2018 at 2:14 pm | Permalink


      • Torbjörn Larsson
        Posted August 16, 2018 at 4:17 pm | Permalink

        It can’t be the same one, this run up the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir, visible.

  2. Ken Kukec
    Posted August 16, 2018 at 1:36 pm | Permalink

    One more “fuck off!” and there mighta been a parrot pining for the fjords with the budgies.

  3. Jenny Haniver
    Posted August 16, 2018 at 2:08 pm | Permalink

    I know the Huff Post is in (well deserved) ill repute on this site; but looking for a video I found this article, which gives a detailed account of the event — but no video of the macaw swearing.

    Jesse’s feathers were not clipped. Jesse could fly, and finally flew home. Apparently, she just wanted to stir up some trouble and find an excuse to engage in hurling expletives. (I know that feeling well, and have done the same myself, just a few days ago, in fact.) If I were a macaw, I’d be terribly bored, too if I had to live in a cage; they’re so smart and need attention, too, and they deliberately cause mischief when bored or mistreated. I’ve learned the hard way to respect macaws.

    The article does have a video of Jesse’s owner coaxing her to apologize. Her “I’m sorry” is not very convincing.

    • Merilee
      Posted August 16, 2018 at 2:41 pm | Permalink

      Saw a great mug recently which said “I don’t ‘hurl expletives’, I ENUNCIATE like a fucking lady.”

      • Torbjörn Larsson
        Posted August 16, 2018 at 4:11 pm | Permalink

        Swearing can be damned hard.

  4. Posted August 16, 2018 at 2:16 pm | Permalink

    A friend of mine had a parrot who escaped, and as she attempted to climb an antenna mast in freezing drizzle to retrieve it, the bird kept saying “Come here! Come here!”.

  5. Christopher
    Posted August 16, 2018 at 2:31 pm | Permalink

    Perhaps the bird could visit your old university in order to offer up some of its wise words to those mentors.

  6. Merilee
    Posted August 16, 2018 at 2:42 pm | Permalink


  7. David Coxill
    Posted August 16, 2018 at 2:49 pm | Permalink

    I have two Parrot jokes for your consideration ,both involving Vicars and old ladies.
    Number one .
    An old lady had a Parrot that used to say “Wanker ,wanker ” ,whenever the vicar came for tea .

    The old lady was mortified by it’s behaviour ,so she gagged it before the vicar next visited .
    So the vicar came for tea ,and the Parrot on seeing him made the time honoured sign for Onanism with one wing and with the other he pointed at the vicar .

    Number Two
    An old lady had two parrots ,she did not know which was male and which was female .

    The man at the pet shop told her to cover the cage with a cover ,that would allow the pair to mate in peace ,then she should whip the cover off and the bird on top was the male and she could tie a piece of white cotton around it’s neck .

    So the old lady did what he suggested and finally know the sexes of the two birds .

    The following day the vicar came to tea ,the male parrot on seeing him cried out
    “I see they got you too ”

    I thank you .

  8. Michael Fisher
    Posted August 16, 2018 at 2:58 pm | Permalink

    Larson on parrots:
    parror 1
    parrot 2

    • Mark R.
      Posted August 16, 2018 at 11:15 pm | Permalink


  9. Joseph O’Sullivan
    Posted August 16, 2018 at 3:00 pm | Permalink

    This reminds me of a summer job I had when I was young. I worked in a pet shop and we had a blue and yellow macaw. We employees didn’t have the time to give it the attention and social interaction it needed. In the mornings though when I was feeding the animals and cleaning their cages. I talked to the parrot to give it attention and hopefully to get it to talk. Before this it never did and never really screatched like parrots do.

    After a full summer the manager was talking to a customer in front of the bird and it yelled ‘SHUT UP!’ This was the first time anyone heard it talk. Some one might have kept repeating that phrase to the bird hoping it would pick it up. I’m not sure who that might have been…

  10. infiniteimprobabilit
    Posted August 16, 2018 at 9:49 pm | Permalink


    Just after my wife arrived in New Zealand, we went for dinner at a local hotel. Now this place had a beautiful sulphur crested cockatoo who had been taught its vocabulary by the pub patrons. My wife had never seen a talking bird before. At one point my wife disappeared for ten minutes – I knew exactly where to look for her. She and the cockatoo were happily swearing at each other.


  11. Suzy Lutey
    Posted August 17, 2018 at 12:48 pm | Permalink

    I have 16 parrots. Wings are clipped & this macaws wings were clearly not. Also, I do not find teaching a bird swearing does anything but show the ignorance of the owner & his inability to communicate intelligently.

    • Michael Fisher
      Posted August 17, 2018 at 1:17 pm | Permalink

      “His inability”? I think Jesse the parrot is ‘mentored’ by his human ‘mum’ 🙂
      On the few occasions I’ve encountered parrot speak I’ve enjoyed the random [& sometimes blue] vocabulary. Falling over hilarious at times, but I’m a kid at heart.

      While I’ve got the attention of a parrotologist: Do Macaws learn only what’s repeated to them again & again or will they also pick up on a phrase said only once? I’ve seen ‘dancing’ macaws on YouTube – any idea what that behaviour means to them [I’ve wondered if it’s healthy or an indication of unease/anxiety]? Thanks Suzy

  12. Josh
    Posted August 19, 2018 at 10:43 am | Permalink

    An interesting parrot story I heard of was one of my client’s parrots mimicking a smoke detector beep when the battery is low. I think I would have to get rid of the bird.
    Interestingly, some dogs seem to be very bothered by that noise as well.

  13. Posted September 5, 2018 at 8:38 am | Permalink

    Love it!
    I had a parrot years ago, inherited him from a friend who was moving overseas. The silly thing would cat whistle at everyone who walked by. For years… the postman would wink at me and nod.

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