Disney Princesses join the Left!

Of course we need cartoons, dolls, and role models for kids that don’t just portray a white-bread world where minorities don’t exist. That this is in fact happening is one sign of the moral improvement of society. But if you give some people an inch, they take a mile. Here’s a tweet issued by a Pennsylvania branch of Planned Parenthood (an endangered organization I support) that, according to USA Today, was deleted:

Now I’m pretty sure that wasn’t a joke; if it were, they wouldn’t have deep-sixed it.

In other words, we need Disney Princesses who not only reflect ethnic diversity, but also conform to intersectionalist Leftist ideology. And how would you portray a “pro-choice” Disney princess, either on the screen or as a doll? (These are all problems for dolls.) For some reason that I can’t even begin to guess (could it have something to do with parents?), Planned Parenthood Keystone removed the tweet, but Jezebel picked it up:

(The obligatory caveat: I’m pretty much in favor of unrestricted abortions, and have made that clear many times.)

Leaving aside the fact that these characters are cartoons, here’s Jezebel’s defense:

According to the Guttmacher Institute, 23.7 percent of women in the United States will have had an abortion by age 45. According to the “official” Disney princess website, there are 11 “official” Disney princesses: Belle, Rapunzel, Ariel, Tiana, Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora, Merida, Pocahontas, Jasmine, and Mulan. That means statistically around two and a half of these strong women have gotten abortions and aren’t telling you about it because of a national culture of shame and misogyny!!!

. . . Okay, this is all fine, but cartoons can have abortions and two of these ones—if not more!—almost certainly have.

Well, yes, eleven times 23.7% is about 2.6, but the Disney Princesses aren’t yet 45, right? Now their article might be a joke (you tell me; it is close to April 1), but I think it’s at least semi-serious. And it inspired a lot of humorous responses:

This one comes from the song Cha Cha Slide:

I endorse this one (and would add WEIT!):

You can add your own slogans or, better yet, if you’re on Twitter, make one yourself and send it to me. I’ll post the good ones.

Here’s mine (prompted by a conversation with a journalist yesterday):

From reader Liz:

And this is the all-time winner, which will not be bested. It’s a comment on Jezebel after their article:

h/t: Grania

99 Comments

  1. Ben
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 1:37 pm | Permalink

    We need a disney princess who is a scientist

  2. Ken Pidcock
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 1:39 pm | Permalink

    I prefer the old SNL skit of Disney princesses as Real Housewives. Who does your hair? Birds?

  3. JonLynnHarvey
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 1:46 pm | Permalink

    Instead of a Disney princess who is trans, how about one who is one of the androgynes from Ursula LeGuin’s “The Left Hand of Darkness”. IN that novel the inhabitants of the planet during each mating cycle morph into being fully male or fully female, remain that way for about a week, then return to being vaguely androgynous (unless they get pregnant). It might be a different gender the next mating cycle. Now that is a Disney movie I would like to see. (The love-making scenes in LeGuin’s novel are a tad graphic and would have to be toned down.)

    • Posted March 30, 2018 at 8:34 pm | Permalink

      Agreed, but the novel doesn’t go as far in describing sex as does the short story ‘Coming of Age in Karhide’ from the book ‘The Birthday of the World’. Highly recommended book.

  4. DrBrydon
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 1:46 pm | Permalink

    Why does everything have to have an exemplar? Role models are about being something better than you are, not about being the same.

  5. Pablo
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 1:55 pm | Permalink

    The abortion is performed by friendly forest creatures while the patient sings a stirring song about the life of adventure that she wants.

  6. glen1davidson
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 1:57 pm | Permalink

    We need a Disney princess who is genuinely poor and underprivileged.

    Glen Davidson

    • FB
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 2:38 pm | Permalink

      Yes, but to be genuinely underprivileged she’d have to be ugly and unintelligent. We already have a Cinderella.

  7. glen1davidson
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 1:58 pm | Permalink

    We need a Disney princess who has worked her way to becoming a lumberjack.

    Glen Davidson

    • freiner
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 3:36 pm | Permalink

      And she’s okay!

  8. glen1davidson
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 2:00 pm | Permalink

    We need a Disney princess who is a staghorn beetle.

    Glen Davidson

    • Liz
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 2:38 pm | Permalink

      What we don’t need is an American Disney princess who is an Asian long-horned beetle.

  9. GBJames
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 2:01 pm | Permalink

    sub

  10. Posted March 30, 2018 at 2:03 pm | Permalink

    Now I’m confused. I don’t know if I was closer to being a Disney Princess before when I was all 90’s or now when I’m all 50’s. LOL.

  11. Posted March 30, 2018 at 2:22 pm | Permalink

    And we need a Disney princess who is a Trump supporter. Oh right, we’ve already got Roseanne for that.

  12. XCellKen
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 2:29 pm | Permalink

    I wonder how many Disney Princesses were forced by their husbands to vote for Dump ???

    • Torbjörn Larsson
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 4:26 pm | Permalink

      Dump!? … oh, you mean the man who will hereafter go by the nom de président “Spanky”. 😀

      • Diana MacPherson
        Posted March 30, 2018 at 4:34 pm | Permalink

        That means we need a former porn star Disney Princess who had weird, awkward sex with the POTUS.

        • Neil Wolfe
          Posted March 30, 2018 at 5:26 pm | Permalink

          Princess Douchealot?

  13. Ken Kukec
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 3:00 pm | Permalink

    Of course Disney Princesses belong on the Left. Why would anyone under 45 want to join the American Right? It’s where they mock school-shooting victims, mock the handicapped, where they deride gold-star parents and claim federal judges of Mexican heritage or unfit to hear their court cases (or at least where they show near-unanimous, unstinting support for those who do) — a place fit only for resentment-filled old white farts.

    (Sorry for venting; it’s been a long week, and once again I’m royally pissed at the American rightwing.) 🙂

    • BJ
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 5:52 pm | Permalink

      I don’t see why anyone would want to “belong” to either side. In a portion of the far left (you were talking about a portion of the American far right, not the American right as a whole), they could be mocked and experience open hostility for being male, white, cis, heterosexual, Jewish/Israeli…

      From what I can tell, it sucks being a part of any political tribe, especially at the extremes. Just stick to the policy positions in which you believe and vote accordingly. No reason to “belong” to any side or group.

      • Ken Kukec
        Posted March 30, 2018 at 6:04 pm | Permalink

        That’s a false equivalency, BJ. According to recent polls, upwards of 90% or Republicans support Donald Trump, despite his constant assaults on our institutions and norms, despite his constant imitation of a tinpot third-world dictator. Despite its many foibles, there’s nothing remotely comparable on the Left.

        • BJ
          Posted March 30, 2018 at 7:17 pm | Permalink

          That’s not what you talked about, at least as I interpreted it. You asked why people would want to join a side that says and does certain things. If anything Donald Trump alone says is what every person on the right says, then that kind of logic can be used to draw all sorts of conclusions for all sorts of groups. I didn’t even realize that’s the kind of logic you were using.

          I think you know that, especially in a country where there are only two choices, most people will support whichever side they believe will enact the policies they think are important. For many, it doesn’t go any farther than that. Saying all people who support Trump also support the other things you mentioned is akin to saying all supporters of Hillary Clinton support the mishandling of confidential information, cozying up to Wall Street, and military interventions in the Middle East.

  14. Posted March 30, 2018 at 3:20 pm | Permalink

    HIstorically Princesses would be arch-conservatives that keep their subjects impoverished so they are their fellow landed are enriched and don’t have to bear the cost of society in the form of taxes.

    • Ken Kukec
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 3:25 pm | Permalink

      Another good reason to follow Diderot’s advice about strangling the last royal with the entrails of the last cleric (figuratively speaking).

      • BJ
        Posted March 30, 2018 at 6:00 pm | Permalink

        So, just to be clear, you’re not an adherent of reactionary philosophy? I figured you long for a return to monarchy, with all the landed gentry and oppression of peasants that entails.

        By the way, did you get around to seeing Calvary yet? I’m interested to hear your thoughts.

        • Ken Kukec
          Posted March 30, 2018 at 6:07 pm | Permalink

          Thanks for the reminder; I’ma watch it tonight.

          You got me pegged, a closet monarchist.

          • Diana MacPherson
            Posted March 30, 2018 at 6:14 pm | Permalink

            👑🤴🤦‍♂️

          • BJ
            Posted March 30, 2018 at 7:19 pm | Permalink

            OK, get back to me on that. I’m interested because it’s (I think) a brilliant film, but it’s also a religious one. Then again, a film buff like you knows just how many great works have come from religious convictions.

            • Ken Kukec
              Posted March 30, 2018 at 7:37 pm | Permalink

              Sure, which is why I love gospel music, and JS Bach, and Mozart’s Mass in C Minor (as well as Chartres and the Hagia Sophia). I do my best to separate my cultural biases, and political views, from my aesthetic judgments.

              Will let you know on Calvary.

            • Ken Kukec
              Posted March 31, 2018 at 12:00 am | Permalink

              I watched Calvary. Twice. It was that freakin’ good. And I’d see it again a third time today, were it playing somewhere on a big screen within half-a-day’s drive. It was that gorgeously filmed, and lit, so much of it shot outdoors, at “magic hour,” in wide-angle, on the beautiful Irish sea-and-countryside.

              And so many funny lines, made all the more funny by being so unexpected in such a serious film (something I love). Hearing that wonderful script spoken by B. Gleason and so many of my favorite character actors (including M. Emmett Walsh!) was like listening to some strange Irish opera. I’ll have to see it a few more times to sort it all out, but it’s gonna rearrange a few of my “top 10” lists.

              Thanks for the recommendation, BJ.

              • Merilee
                Posted March 31, 2018 at 8:38 am | Permalink

                Got Calvary on my library DVD wait list. LOVE Gleason! Has anyone seen him in Alone in Berlin, with Emma Thompson?

              • BJ
                Posted March 31, 2018 at 9:35 am | Permalink

                This guy. This guy gets it.

                B)

              • BJ
                Posted March 31, 2018 at 9:36 am | Permalink

                Damn it, I was hoping that would come out as a smiley face with sunglasses on, but it just looks like I fucked up my screen name.

              • BJ
                Posted March 31, 2018 at 10:59 am | Permalink

                OK, now I have a few minutes to actually respond. I would add a few comments to what you already noted:

                Like his brother, John Michael has a great eye for actors. Every role feels like it couldn’t have possibly been played by someone else; it just feels like that’s who the character is, and no person can be other than who they are. For me, one of the signs of a great film is that every character seems like someone who exists outside of the film.

                The outdoor shots are lovely, but the indoor scenes are as well. Everything is perfectly lit without feeling like it’s been set up to be (unlike, say, a Sam Mendes film, or many other good filmmakers who use lighting that calls attention to it), especially the drab bedroom at the church, the butcher shop, and the mansion. The lighting fits every location, but never feels like it’s changed, as part of a seamless world where lighting naturally changes from place to place. I wonder how much of the indoor lighting was also natural. The lighting in the mansion and church bedroom during the day feels like it’s all streaming through the windows.

                All of the choices make everything feel seamless and part of the same world, rather than a collection of scenes in different places. It feels like everyone traveled from place to place, but we just didn’t see that.

                John Michael clearly has the same keen sense as his brother for putting humor in a drama. The humor wouldn’t work if it wasn’t written and delivered perfectly, but it is.

                If you haven’t seen The Guard yet, I would suggest you watch it. It’s J.M.’s first feature-length effort, also starring Gleeson. The Guard is just a straight comedy, but it’s very funny, and uniquely so.

                Have there been better sibling filmmakers than the McDonaghs in the modern era? I can’t think of any.

              • Merilee
                Posted March 31, 2018 at 4:58 pm | Permalink

                I guess I hadn’t realized that The Guard was by another McDonagh. Thanks for clueing me in, BJ. Saw it quite a while ago and loved it.

                Speaking of lighting, the newish Maigret, with Rowan Atkinson (seen on PBS) is surprisingly good. Hungary stands on for Belgium.

              • Merilee
                Posted March 31, 2018 at 6:32 pm | Permalink

                …Hungary stands IN for Belgium…

              • BJ
                Posted March 31, 2018 at 5:00 pm | Permalink

                I’ll look for that, Merilee! Yes, The Guard is by the same McDonagh that made Calvary.

              • infiniteimprobabilit
                Posted April 2, 2018 at 3:37 am | Permalink

                “Damn it, I was hoping that would come out as a smiley face with sunglasses on, but it just looks like I fucked up my screen name.”

                What, like this:

                😎

                [‘8’, ‘-‘, ‘)’]

                cr

  15. AC Harper
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 3:26 pm | Permalink

    We need a Disney Prince who is trans. No?

    • Posted March 30, 2018 at 6:07 pm | Permalink

      Some princesses have penises.

      • Merilee
        Posted March 30, 2018 at 6:59 pm | Permalink

        Mainly queens

        • Flamadiddle
          Posted March 30, 2018 at 7:58 pm | Permalink

          Ha!

        • Diane G.
          Posted March 31, 2018 at 2:39 am | Permalink

          Ba dum tss!

  16. grasshopper
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 3:45 pm | Permalink

    “Mermaids understand something very different when they hear Roe versus wade.” Excellent.

    Ariel sacrificed her fishy life for love and embraced humanity. Jesus merely ‘sacrificed’ his humanity for divinity, poor guy.

    Way back when Hurricane Katrina had devastated
    New Orleans, President Bush was asked about his position on Roe vs. Wade. He said the people should escape the floods any way they can.

    • Ken Kukec
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 3:59 pm | Permalink

      Heck of a joke, Brownie.

    • Diana MacPherson
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 4:35 pm | Permalink

      Ariel probably used to lay eggs before becoming human.

    • grasshopper
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 4:39 pm | Permalink

      Ariel couldn’t give it all up, though. She kept her crabs. As pets.

      • Doug
        Posted March 31, 2018 at 11:56 am | Permalink

        If Ariel eats caviar, is that cannibalism?

  17. BJ
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 3:57 pm | Permalink

    We need a Disney princess who is hated by everyone she knows because she’s horribly overbearing with her views and constantly tweeting stupid political diatribes.

    • BJ
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 3:58 pm | Permalink

      That has to be nearly half the population at this point, so every princess for the next couple decades needs to be like this to reach proper statistical representation!

    • glen1davidson
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 4:29 pm | Permalink

      So, a twitter Disney SJW princess.

      What a refreshing change that would be!

      Glen Davidson

      • BJ
        Posted March 30, 2018 at 5:09 pm | Permalink

        They could be a right-winger, though it seems there are more lefties than righties on twitter.

  18. Larry Smith
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 4:12 pm | Permalink

    It seems to me most of these princesses are not from the United States (e.g., Mulan, Belle, etc.). Even Pocahontas predates the US. So the statistics need to be reworked.

    • Diana MacPherson
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 4:25 pm | Permalink

      That’s because we need a Disney princess who we know is evil because she has an English accent.

    • Posted March 30, 2018 at 6:11 pm | Permalink

      Most Disney Princesses are from times before abortions were legal and when they were very dangerous. I doubt a Princess bleeding to death in a back street would send the pro-abortion message these people are hoping for.

  19. Diana MacPherson
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 4:17 pm | Permalink

    We need a Disney princess with IBS.

  20. kelskye
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 4:17 pm | Permalink

    We need a Disney princess whose actually Bruce Willis in Die Hard

    • Diana MacPherson
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 4:20 pm | Permalink

      Haha and we need a Disney Princess worked hard to become Hans Gruber in Die Hard only to be defeated by some yippee ki yay mother fucker.

      • Diana MacPherson
        Posted March 30, 2018 at 4:37 pm | Permalink

        Also, we need a Disney princess who believes Die Hard is a Christmas movie.

        • Posted March 30, 2018 at 5:10 pm | Permalink

          It certainly is a Christmas movie! Does that make me a Disney Princess?

        • BJ
          Posted March 30, 2018 at 5:11 pm | Permalink

          What do you mean “believes”? It is a Christmas movie, damn it. I won’t tolerate disagreement on this point!

          Princess Hanna Gruber would be awesome.

          • Diana MacPherson
            Posted March 30, 2018 at 5:24 pm | Permalink

            I love Hans Gruber. He has a Classical education and he reads a lot.

  21. Diana MacPherson
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 4:19 pm | Permalink

    We need a Disney princess that clawed her way to middle management only to be downsized.

    • BJ
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 5:12 pm | Permalink

      We need a Disney princess who’s still trying to get her managers to adopt Lotus.

      • Diana MacPherson
        Posted March 30, 2018 at 5:26 pm | Permalink

        Or uses DOS WordPerfect.

        • Ken Kukec
          Posted March 30, 2018 at 6:10 pm | Permalink

          Hey, that was a hard habit to break.

  22. Diana MacPherson
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 4:21 pm | Permalink

    We need a Disney princess who hates the soft C’s of Church Latin.

    • Liz
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 5:27 pm | Permalink

      +1

    • Posted March 30, 2018 at 9:51 pm | Permalink

      For some reason I like German Latin. C before I and E = ts. Crutsifixus.

      • Posted March 31, 2018 at 2:12 pm | Permalink

        I thought that this is the standard way to pronounce these Cs.

  23. Posted March 30, 2018 at 4:22 pm | Permalink

    We need a Disney princess who has read John Rawls.

  24. Diana MacPherson
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 4:24 pm | Permalink

    We need a Disney princess who can find a parking spot as well as George Costanza.

  25. glen1davidson
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 4:24 pm | Permalink

    We need a necrophiliac Disney princess.

    I don’t know why, or even how that would work, but we’d find out.

    Glen Davidson

    • Desnes Diev
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 7:48 pm | Permalink

      Necrophiliac and necromancer. It’s the only way to bring Walt back to life.

  26. Diana MacPherson
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 4:31 pm | Permalink

    We need a Disney princess whose mother was a hamster and whose father smelled of elderberries.

    • BJ
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 5:13 pm | Permalink

      We need a Disney princess who’s a member of the People’s Front of Judea.

      …Or is that the Judean People’s Front?

      • Diana MacPherson
        Posted March 30, 2018 at 5:26 pm | Permalink

        Splitter!

  27. Posted March 30, 2018 at 5:08 pm | Permalink

    This whole Disney Princess controversy is a nicely self-contained problem in which competing desires can be worked out. The demand for there to be a Disney Princess for each and every possible human trait clearly doesn’t scale. On the other hand, we can all say “I’m a Disney Princess” a la Spartacus but that doesn’t solve anything. So what Princesses should Disney designate? Same for Mattel and Barbies.

  28. Neil Wolfe
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 5:15 pm | Permalink

    I don’t like Disney Princesses so I would rather have more Disney Queens who have had abortions.

  29. Posted March 30, 2018 at 5:34 pm | Permalink

    That last one about Ariel wins the golden dinglehopper.

    We need a Disney princess who’s really an undercover superhero named Stormy.

  30. Posted March 30, 2018 at 5:50 pm | Permalink

    We need a Disney Princess (or Queen, I suppose) who is a loving, nurturing mother.

  31. James Walker
    Posted March 30, 2018 at 5:56 pm | Permalink

    We need a Disney princess who pretends to be a man so she can start her own religion: https://www.indy100.com/article/scholar-reading-of-bible-criticised-for-suggesting-jesus-was-a-drag-king-professor-tat-siong-benny-8277976

  32. Posted March 30, 2018 at 6:20 pm | Permalink

    I’m not a biologist but don’t you have to have sex before getting pregnant?

    Can we get some sex into these movies before we get to the consequences? Most of these characters haven’t even been kissed until the end of the movie. They’re all virgins. Even Donald Duck has nephews, not kids.

    Also, I don’t think Elsa from Frozen is into guys.

    • Posted March 30, 2018 at 11:24 pm | Permalink

      Well, there are the original Disney princesses in sequels. In The Little Mermaid sequel Ariel and Eric have children but they are a little bit human and a little bit merfolk so they don’t fit into either world. One of the children has a striking resemblance to the crab Sebastian. It’s awkward.

  33. Posted March 30, 2018 at 6:23 pm | Permalink

    We need a Princess who stands up for the little guy.

    Oh wait, that’s Snow White.

    • BJ
      Posted March 30, 2018 at 9:58 pm | Permalink

      We need a princess who will make people’s “little guy” stand up.

      Oh wait, DeviantArt already exists.

  34. Posted March 30, 2018 at 9:58 pm | Permalink

    I am appalled that anyone would ignore the Disney Fairies in favor of using the over-privileged Disney Princesses to promote equality and diversity. The Disney Fairies have dealt with their glass ceiling long enough, thankyouverymuch.

  35. Posted March 31, 2018 at 12:05 am | Permalink

    Statistically, no Disney Princesses have ever read Jezebel.

  36. Posted March 31, 2018 at 12:56 am | Permalink

    We need a Disney princess who’s fucking goofy.

    • infiniteimprobabilit
      Posted March 31, 2018 at 2:30 am | Permalink

      Don’t know if we do, but Goofy probably does.

      😎

      cr

      • Richard
        Posted March 31, 2018 at 2:59 am | Permalink

        Now that’s a cartoon that would need a PG rating!

        “Mommy, I want to go see ‘Goofy and the Princess!”

        “Not until you’re a lot older, dear”

        • Posted March 31, 2018 at 4:41 pm | Permalink

          … that’s assuming I’m talking about the character and not the behaviour or is it, both 🙂

  37. Johan Richter
    Posted March 31, 2018 at 6:09 am | Permalink

    Most Disney princesses are not American. Seems a little non-inclusive to cite a statistic for American women and expect it to apply for Disney princesses, isn’t it? More so considering the global market for Disney movies.

  38. Johan Richter
    Posted March 31, 2018 at 6:09 am | Permalink

    Most Disney princesses are not American. Seems a little non-inclusive to cite a statistic for American women and expect it to apply for Disney princesses, isn’t it? More so considering the global market for Disney movies.

  39. Posted March 31, 2018 at 2:22 pm | Permalink

    “…two and a half of these strong women have gotten abortions and aren’t telling you about it because of a national culture of shame and misogyny!!!”

    I live in a secular European country, yet I wouldn’t tell strangers whether I have had abortion(s) or not. It is very personal information and nobody’s damn business. I totally do not understand those American far-left activists who tell the world about their abortions, say how empowered and happy they feel after the abortion, that it was no different from stomach-ache etc.

    Among women I know, not one likes manipulations of her genital tract, those who have had abortions are not happy about it (not that they regret it, but they feel miserable nevertheless), and some suffered fertility loss. Abortion isn’t anything glorious, it is a rough emergency exit. I thought that one of the aims of sex-ed and contraception is to make abortions for non-medical reasons unnecessary. Am I old-fashioned? Or are some people at Planned Parenthood giving free ammo to their opponents?

  40. Posted April 1, 2018 at 10:02 am | Permalink

    How do you pronounce drosophila? Is it stressed like hemophilia or like monopoly? ‘s ok, I’m not a Disney Princess.


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