This is a travesty

America is truly going to hell. First we elect a loon as President, and now this. Our department office keeps a bowl of candy for those who drop in, and the pickings are always pretty good (Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, small 100 Grand candy bars, etc.) But today I found this in the bowl.

It’s a fast day for me, so I just took it and will try it tomorrow. I want to see if there’s any difference between the “good organic stuff” and the usual mixture of wax, sugar, dye, and chemicals that is known to Americans as “candy corn”.

AND THEN. . . . someone put this on my FB page, which led me to Google “candy corn Jesus”, and well. . . let’s just say there’s a lot of stuff.  Just another reason to hate that vile confection:

There’s this:

Can you imagine getting this in your Halloween bag? It’s doubly odious:

I’d add that religion poisons everything, but candy corn is already poison.

97 Comments

  1. Posted October 30, 2017 at 2:33 pm | Permalink

    Is there a reason why we don’t get candy corn in the UK (least, I’ve never seen it). Is it really that bad?

    • Posted October 30, 2017 at 3:09 pm | Permalink

      YES!!!!!

      My sister loves it though, and she ages it as she prefers it STALE!

      • busterggi
        Posted October 30, 2017 at 3:50 pm | Permalink

        Stale candy corn – no thanks.

        Stale candy canes – oh, yeah, they get gooey on the outside and soft & bendable.

    • Martin Levin
      Posted October 30, 2017 at 7:51 pm | Permalink

      Don’t know how you feel about marmite, but it makes me nauseous. Think of candy corn as the North American equivalent.

      • infiniteimprobabilit
        Posted October 30, 2017 at 8:23 pm | Permalink

        Marmite?

        Looks like. Smells like. Tastes like. Probably is.

        (And that goes for Vegemite too).

        cr

        • somer
          Posted October 30, 2017 at 8:51 pm | Permalink

          Yuck. Axle grease. At least its reasonably healthy though unlike the agro industrial corn complex that pervades much of the food chain in the US.

          • infiniteimprobabilit
            Posted October 31, 2017 at 5:07 am | Permalink

            Axle grease? Oh yeah, that too. 😉

            cr

        • David Coxill
          Posted October 31, 2017 at 1:56 pm | Permalink

          Why you ,you ,you step outside and say that.

          • infiniteimprobabilit
            Posted November 1, 2017 at 2:27 am | Permalink

            That is as eloquent in not specifying what I am, as my comment was in not specifying what Marmite is. 😉

            cr

        • gravelinspector-Aidan
          Posted October 31, 2017 at 6:22 pm | Permalink

          If there were a Hell, they’d be wallpapering the Marmite room especially for you.
          Room 101?

          • infiniteimprobabilit
            Posted November 1, 2017 at 2:39 am | Permalink

            Just as well you’re not in charge Down Below. You’re way too inventive. 😦

            cr

  2. claudia baker
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 2:35 pm | Permalink

    “Candy Corn Jesus”

    O.M.G.

    • Carey Haug
      Posted October 30, 2017 at 2:45 pm | Permalink

      Most coherent explanation I ha ever seen of the Trinity.

    • stuartcoyle
      Posted October 31, 2017 at 12:19 am | Permalink

      Like the Tom Waits song “Chocolate Jesus”!

  3. Posted October 30, 2017 at 2:36 pm | Permalink

    “America is truly going to hell.”

    Best opening sentence I’ve ever read. If it was followed only by the pictures, I would have understood just as well.

  4. JonLynnHarvey
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 2:38 pm | Permalink

    If candy corn had 1/4 the amount of sugar it had now, it might be marginally OK.

    It also goes stale wayyy faster than a lot of other candy.

  5. alexander
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 2:46 pm | Permalink

    No God the Mother…something is really screwed up!

  6. Posted October 30, 2017 at 2:47 pm | Permalink

    CANDY CORN JESUS…BAHAHAHAHAAA!

  7. Randall Schenck
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 2:47 pm | Permalink

    That is pretty good – Garbage on garbage.

  8. Posted October 30, 2017 at 2:48 pm | Permalink

    Further proof that gawd is a horrible engineer. 😉

  9. BJ
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 2:48 pm | Permalink

    I know I’ll be doxxed, harassed, and receive death threats for saying this, but…

    I love candy corn.

    COME AT ME, BRO

    • BJ
      Posted October 30, 2017 at 3:01 pm | Permalink

      (apologies to my family and friends for putting them in danger, but I must speak up about the continuing injustice I see regarding this vital issue)

    • busterggi
      Posted October 30, 2017 at 3:04 pm | Permalink

      I agree! Harvest mix too – you know, when the stuff is shaped like pumpkins, bats (vaguely chocolate) moons & such.

    • Posted October 30, 2017 at 3:10 pm | Permalink

      Me too although I don’t like the chocolate flavored one as much. Doxx away!!

    • ploubere
      Posted October 30, 2017 at 3:20 pm | Permalink

      I’m not ashamed to declare my affection for candy corn. But once again religion ruins everything.

    • Mark Sturtevant
      Posted October 30, 2017 at 4:16 pm | Permalink

      Fellow C-C-ians! Let us do the secret handwave: 👋

    • JohnH
      Posted October 30, 2017 at 6:32 pm | Permalink

      I like candy corn too, and there are grades of candy corn quality. In my humble opinion Brach’s is the best. I have, in the past, tried other off-brands and I will admit they come close to Jerry’s description of the confection.

    • cyan
      Posted October 30, 2017 at 11:02 pm | Permalink

      BJ, here is the harassment you deserve:

      You probably like those big orange circus-peanut candies, too!

      • Vaal
        Posted October 31, 2017 at 1:35 pm | Permalink

        Ok, you people have just declared yourself part of the Candy Corn problem. We’ll never be rid of this evil so long as it still has some form of support.

        Please, report for de-programming.

    • Charles Minus
      Posted October 31, 2017 at 6:23 pm | Permalink

      I think we have something going here. A real candy corn revival. I like the stuff but I really like the candy pumpkins. You can really sink your teeth into those things.

  10. Chadwick Jones
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 2:54 pm | Permalink

    My word… This would certainly be offensive to the Oneness Pentecostals! 😛

  11. Posted October 30, 2017 at 2:56 pm | Permalink

    Reblogged this on Scotties Toy Box and commented:
    This makes me angry. IF I had children going Trick or Treat and they were given this I would want to know why the person handing them out thought it was OK to evangelize to minors without the parent’s permission. I would tell that person that if I wanted my child to be religious I would teach them my own religion which may not be the same as theirs. I would point out all the secular things they may not want their child exposed to and ask them if they thought strangers should have the right to talk to their children about them without the parents permission or against the parents wishes. This again is religious people pushing their beliefs on those who do not share them. Hugs

  12. Simon Hayward
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 2:59 pm | Permalink

    When we lived in TN many of the most religiously deranged avoided Halloween and the possibility of interacting with satanic rituals….. I assume it was just one more way to make their children miserable….the rest of us just drank brandy slushies while the kids circulated

    So if you get those in a halloween bag suspect the churchy bona fides of the giver!

    • Carey Haug
      Posted October 30, 2017 at 3:13 pm | Permalink

      There are some killjoys in our neighborhood who give out little tubes of toothpaste. Now that’s mean. I think they are Catholics.

      • Posted October 30, 2017 at 6:07 pm | Permalink

        OMG that is the absolute WORST “treat” ever! It’s even worse than apples!

        • BJ
          Posted October 30, 2017 at 9:14 pm | Permalink

          I can’t imagine it’s anything but trolling. Nobody can possibly think that’s a good idea. Either they want to make children unhappy, or they’re the type of parents who, upon hearing that someone is taking kids trick-or-treating, say “are you sure you want to do that? You know, all that candy really isn’t good for your kids. And most candy has gluten. I’m just saying, if they were MY kids…”

        • dabertini
          Posted October 30, 2017 at 9:36 pm | Permalink

          Too funny!! Our dentist gave out toothpaste and toothbrushes that were decorated with a halloween motif. I loved it.

      • cyan
        Posted October 30, 2017 at 10:24 pm | Permalink

        I would rather eat toothpaste than candy corn.

      • Posted October 31, 2017 at 11:35 am | Permalink

        Catholics? Heck, the perennial rumour in many places is that *dentists* would do that. Mind you, they could be Catholic dentists.

    • E.A. Blair
      Posted October 30, 2017 at 5:53 pm | Permalink

      Brandy slushies? That sounds wonderful! Do you have a recipe you’d like to share? I live in Wisconsin, which, according to some statistics, consumes more brandy than the other 49 states combined – and not that fruit-flavored stuff, either.

  13. Posted October 30, 2017 at 3:04 pm | Permalink

    NOO. Candy corn is gross anyway but this just made it worse.

    • Ken Phelps
      Posted October 30, 2017 at 3:43 pm | Permalink

      I think it would be an even more effective witness for the Lord if they’d worked in a picture of an aborted fetus somehow.

      • Posted October 30, 2017 at 4:14 pm | Permalink

        Collector cards they hand out with their candy corn. Collect the sins! Aborted fetus’, lust, murder, etc. Oh my gosh, I could see it too.

  14. Posted October 30, 2017 at 3:18 pm | Permalink

    I’ll stick to biting the heads off jelly babies like a normal person.

  15. zytigon
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 3:25 pm | Permalink

    Wikipedia article on Candy Corn under subheading of Cultural Myths has : A misconception in the American south, started by comedian Lewis Black in a standup sketch, is that a single batch of candy corn was made at the product’s inception and those stocks are the candy corn that remain in circulation today since there are such few consumers of the candy.

    Lewis Black today tweeted repeating this joke, putting the original manufacture date at 1911 but Wikipedia history says Candy corn has been known since 1880

    • darrelle
      Posted October 30, 2017 at 4:03 pm | Permalink

      That is funny. LB can knock it out of the park on occasion.

      • infiniteimprobabilit
        Posted October 30, 2017 at 5:36 pm | Permalink

        A joke stolen by Red Dwarf

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4HN1wdtpWw

        cr

        • David Coxill
          Posted October 31, 2017 at 2:09 pm | Permalink

          Forgot about ,the one i always remember is ,”We Have Recycled The Water So Many Times It Is Starting To Taste Like Dutch Lager “.

          • gravelinspector-Aidan
            Posted October 31, 2017 at 6:46 pm | Permalink

            London has the purest water of any British city. Every single drop has been through at least 6 sets of kidneys.

    • Posted October 30, 2017 at 6:08 pm | Permalink

      That’s the same joke I’ve heard about fruitcake: there’s only one that circulates endlessly.

      • zytigon
        Posted October 31, 2017 at 1:48 pm | Permalink

        I just now found the Lewis Black – Candy Corn sketch for the first time- on Youtube Jeff Adams channel. The way he tells it makes me laugh out loud. It is from “The Carnegie Hall performance”. Duma Jones Youtube channel has a very similar performance.

    • Posted October 31, 2017 at 11:37 am | Permalink

      Sounds like the “story” that some hapless Italian immigrant to wherever in the US ordered a single tin of anchovies from the old country and the place is still putting them on pizza.

  16. barn owl
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 3:37 pm | Permalink

    Shouldn’t the first letters of “he” and “his” on the Jesus Corn labels be capitalized?

    I’m holding out for Jesus Peeps at Easter.

  17. darrelle
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 3:58 pm | Permalink

    Jerry, this may be the most accurate, most on point, post you’ve ever written.

  18. Posted October 30, 2017 at 3:59 pm | Permalink

    The organic makes it super healthy by it’s magically organicness.

    If this did not have a real impact on the natural world and people getting feed I would laugh at how stupid people are for falling for stuff like this.

    • infiniteimprobabilit
      Posted October 30, 2017 at 5:25 pm | Permalink

      Organic? Ya mean it contains chemical compounds with chains of carbon atoms? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s correct.

      (Question – is there any inorganic compound which is actually edible? I can’t think of any.)

      cr

      • Posted October 30, 2017 at 5:34 pm | Permalink

        Salt?

        • David Coxill
          Posted October 31, 2017 at 2:11 pm | Permalink

          Do you know ,Salt is the only rock you can eat ,read that in a book ,the title,
          Salt.

          • Gregory Kusnick
            Posted October 31, 2017 at 2:32 pm | Permalink

            Not the only rock (for some definition of rock). Chewable calcium carbonate (chalk) tablets are often used as an antacid.

            • gravelinspector-Aidan
              Posted October 31, 2017 at 6:55 pm | Permalink

              Beat me to it.
              – Kaolinite (“China Clay”) is a regular viscosity modifier in some processed foods, and of course bowel-stopper for the diarrhoea-afflicted. Harmless bulking agent.
              – If you use the low-sodium version of salt and have ever wondered “how the fsck?”, it’s done by mixing carnallite (KCl, rarely found as a rock, but not unknown) with the halite (NaCl) which does reduce the sodium-per-gramme, but the change in Na:K ratio is probably more important physiologically.
              – The fluoride in your tooth care products is probably industrial waste, not anything closely connected with rocks.
              – Probably many more examples.

              • infiniteimprobabilit
                Posted November 1, 2017 at 2:23 am | Permalink

                Yeah, I know, but they’re not really ‘food’.

                I worded that very badly. To re-phrase it – is there anything that people would regard as ‘food’ that isn’t almost entirely composed of ‘organic’ (carbon-containing) compounds. Excluding the water content, of course.

                cr

      • Posted October 31, 2017 at 11:41 am | Permalink

        Water, various salts: sodium and potassium chloride are common ones in foods, though some sodium or potassium iodide is also eaten (“iodized salt”). Small amounts of silicon dioxide are in some foods like sweeteners as a “dilution”.

        • Posted October 31, 2017 at 11:41 am | Permalink

          Oh, and lithium carbonate, IIRC, as part of “lithium” medication.

          • infiniteimprobabilit
            Posted November 1, 2017 at 2:18 am | Permalink

            Oh yes, and things like sodium bicarb (baking soda) and common salt. And water, obviously. But they’re not really foods in themselves.

            cr

    • Posted October 30, 2017 at 9:13 pm | Permalink

      I recently read an article about a manufacturer of a famous brand of refrigerated chocolate chip cookie dough that modified the recipe using “healthy” ingredients. They received letters telling them how awful the new cookies were. Be careful what you ask for.

  19. Mark Sturtevant
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 4:12 pm | Permalink

    I will here hang my head in shame and confess: I don’t hate candy corn. I will eat it if there are no other sugary offerings, and I don’t even feel like vomiting.

    I will now retire to my dark corner.

  20. Kevin
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 4:22 pm | Permalink

    Honestly. They’ll be making corn into flakes next!

  21. Posted October 30, 2017 at 4:22 pm | Permalink

    ew candy corn though

  22. nwalsh
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 4:29 pm | Permalink

    Never seen such a thing in Canada either, but we do have coffee Crisp bars.

  23. Ken Kukec
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 4:32 pm | Permalink

    And when he had opened the seventh seal, I beheld a waxy candy of orange and yellow and white. And, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth, and the moon became as blood; and the stars of heaven fell unto the earth.

    The end times are upon us, my friends.

  24. Doug
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 5:03 pm | Permalink

    “White is for our sins!?” That’s reverse racism! White candy matters!

  25. Posted October 30, 2017 at 5:09 pm | Permalink

    Fitting. Jesus is as real as the corn in candy corn.

  26. yazikus
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 5:20 pm | Permalink

    Is this the right place to complain about red-vines as well? I just don’t understand the appeal of bland, waxy, sticky, vaguely sugary non-food treats. Granted, I’m not keen on candy in general, but some are more gross than others. *cough*HersheyKisses*cough*

    • Posted October 30, 2017 at 9:26 pm | Permalink

      Non-chocolate candy sucks.

      Chocolate and pastries are where it’s at.

      • darrelle
        Posted October 31, 2017 at 8:09 am | Permalink

        I agree 100%!

    • Marta
      Posted October 31, 2017 at 9:09 am | Permalink

      The hell is wrong with you?

      The only reason to go to the movies is so you can eat Red Vines during the show (and not those crappy Twizzlers knock-offs, either.)

    • David Coxill
      Posted October 31, 2017 at 2:16 pm | Permalink

      Over here in GB i remember as a kid there were Candy Cigarettes ,white sticks with red on the end ,tasted like soap .

      Just had a look on the interweb Amazon are selling them.

      • infiniteimprobabilit
        Posted November 1, 2017 at 2:31 am | Permalink

        Yes I’ve tasted them.

        I find it hard to imagine the forces of censoriousness permit them to be sold these days. Not only do they contain the dreaded sugar (probably) but teaching innocent little kiddiez that cigarettes are cool….?

        cr

  27. infiniteimprobabilit
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 5:29 pm | Permalink

    Until I read this bl*g I had never even heard of candy corn. Not *everything* one reads on WEIT is edifying.

    I do like chocolate raisins though.

    cr

    P.S. Do you USanians have Snickers bars? We do in NZ, but I also found them in Vladivostok, Amazar (middle of Siberia), Moscow, Berlin (a delicious ‘snickers’ icecream flavour, actually), France and Portugal.

    cr

    • yazikus
      Posted October 30, 2017 at 5:31 pm | Permalink

      We do have Snickers, but I can’t say they are any good.

    • E.A. Blair
      Posted October 30, 2017 at 5:56 pm | Permalink

      It’s entirely possible that what’s sold as Snickers in the US isn’t the same as in the rest of the world – consider Smarties, for instance.

      • Posted October 30, 2017 at 7:59 pm | Permalink

        They do have Snickers. John Green received 478 of them from the Mars company.

        • infiniteimprobabilit
          Posted October 30, 2017 at 8:25 pm | Permalink

          Wikipedia confirms it’s the same product.

          cr

          • infiniteimprobabilit
            Posted October 30, 2017 at 8:29 pm | Permalink

            Annual sales $2 billion, introduced in 1930. Obviously a stayer.

            A Mars bar, by the way, is the same but without the peanuts.

            cr

  28. Herald Newman
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 5:43 pm | Permalink

    I see that your department office was paid a visit by the powerful candy corn lobby.

  29. Gregory Kusnick
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 5:56 pm | Permalink

    Clearly the candy corn lovers in your department have been waiting for your retirement to stage a coup.

  30. E.A. Blair
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 5:58 pm | Permalink

    All you need to do to make something that is good bad and boring – or something that is bad even worse – is to put the word “Christian” in front of it. Christian rock, Christian movies, Christian fiction, Christian Hallowe’en candy…

    Substituting “family” for “Christian” is almost as bad.

    • Posted October 30, 2017 at 9:19 pm | Permalink

      Reminds me of some of us children at church years ago reading every title in the hymnal adding the words, “between the sheets”. I’m surprised we didn’t laugh out loud, get found out and kicked out (or, at least, prayed over!)

  31. ladyatheist
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 6:52 pm | Permalink

    Why not put actual corn in the bowl?

  32. eric
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 7:36 pm | Permalink

    FiveThirtyEight published their “ultimate Halloween Candy Power Ranking.” Candy corn was #67 out of 86 ranked candies. First place? Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. While deliciousness is in the eye of the beholder, that’s probably as good a choice for first as any.

  33. Hempenstein
    Posted October 30, 2017 at 9:43 pm | Permalink

    Just like the righteous to hand out candy corn, congratulating themselves on giving a treat. Pikers! But I think it’ll backfire on them. At least thinking back 55 or so years, I think I was pretty unimpressed with anyone handing that stuff out.

  34. Bob Barber
    Posted October 31, 2017 at 6:24 am | Permalink

    To the person who put the Candy Corn and Candy Corn Jesus in the candy bowl I ask – You’ve done enough. Have you no sense of decency, sir, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?

  35. Posted October 31, 2017 at 11:43 am | Permalink

    I’ve heard about candy corn for years, but I think this is the first time I’ve seen photographs. I think I have a problem with food looking like a traffic cone!

  36. Vaal
    Posted October 31, 2017 at 1:37 pm | Permalink

    Candy Corn; disappointing trick-or-treating children for over a century.

    We need more and stronger voices like Jerry’s or this thing will never go away.

  37. starskeptic
    Posted October 31, 2017 at 3:37 pm | Permalink

    Philistine prolly doesn’t like circus peanuts, either…

  38. Posted October 31, 2017 at 3:47 pm | Permalink

    This is definitely a triggering article for me. Candy corn was the first treat I got from old Mrs. Van Atta who lived across the street from us the first time I ever went trick or treating when I was four years old. I’ve held it in high esteem ever since.


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