I don’t believe in capital punishment, but if any crime deserves a sentence of life without parole, it’s this one (click on screenshot to see the sordid tail from The Longmont News):
Longmont police on Friday arrested a woman on suspicion of disorderly conduct after they say she pulled a gun on a squirrel outside of a coffee shop.
Kylie Morrison, 31, was released on a summons for misdemeanor disorderly conduct following the incident, according to an arrest report.
Police responded to Cafe Luna on a report of a woman with a gun and placed Morrison into custody. Witnesses told police that Morrison had been sitting in the coffee shop and talking to herself but later exited the building and sat outside. Morrison appeared to be “high on something” and started throwing items at a squirrel when it got too close to her, the report stated.
One of the witnesses began feeding the squirrel to coax it away from Morrison, who allegedly became irritated, drew a gun from her bag and pulled the trigger three or four times. The gun didn’t discharge, but a witness told police she froze in her tracks until Morrison put the gun away.
This being America, the Second Amendment also applies to squirrels, who have every right to defend themselves. Remember, guns don’t kill squirrels, people do!
h/t: Woody
26 Comments
when I was younger I hunted squirrels for food. We made stew.
Oy, did you HAVE to tell me that?
Sounds like this person should not even be allowed to have a gun. But then that applies to damn near all of them.
Ummmm, where are the bears when we need them? Doesn’t the 2nd Amendment protect the right to arm bears? A bear could have protected the squirrel.
“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and Arm bears, shall not be infringed.”
No real squirrels were harmed in the making of this programme.
When I was about 9, 1948, our family of four piled into our 36 Chevy (kept it till 52) to drive from Decatur, IL, to near Quincy, 150 miles away, where most of my mother’s family lived. Our arrival at the farm of Aunt Mary and Uncle Lawrence seemed unexpected; perhaps some miscommunication (by letter, of course). With four extra mouths to feed for lunch, Aunt Mary took down the 22 from its rack in the kitchen, stepped out through the summer kitchen, aimed, fired twice, two squirrels fell. She retrieved them, dressed them, and cooked them. Don’t remember anything about the meal, but I was mighty impressed by my aunt’s prowess with a gun.
Morrison’s gun didn’t discharge: either it was unloaded [and Morrison ‘knew’ this — likely, passive-aggressive and very scary] or because it jammed, likely due to disuse and lack of maintenance.
Either way Morrison is no true Second Amendment warrior.
This does remind me of a case in a nearby small town a few years ago. Complaints came in that an older male resident was discharging his weapons. Officers noted a number of dead squirrels and birds, mostly robins and starlings lying about his front yard. He was cited for unlawful discharge and violation of game laws. Despite his complaint that “they were trespassing”.
I have to admit I almost killed a duck on Saturday. Why, when ducks take off, do they fly low along the road instead of sideways out of the path of cars? Luckily for the duck, s/he gained a couple of feet of altitude and just skimmed over my roof.
(I immediately thought of PCC at the time).
cr
(This should have been posted on the next story…)
cr
That squirrel is in trouble, the gun is not loaded.
There may be one in the chamber behind the barrel that you cannot see. Never assume a weapon is unloaded, even when wielded by a rodent.
True, but if he pulls the trigger, it will rotate the cylinder to an empty chamber.
She. I cannot say as to whether this squirrel believes that he is a male trapped in a female body, but that is clearly a female squirrel’s body.
A lactating mother of a squirrel.
If the squirrel’s hand is steady, she only needs one shot.
But I *think* (can’t be sure as I’ve never handled one) that pulling the trigger (in a double-action revolver) first rotates the cylinder by one, then releases the hammer to fire it. Hence Mordacious’s comment is valid.
cr
Nuts attract squirrels.
And, obvs, vice versa.
Here in Boulder County (which includes most of Longmont) we resolve all of our squirrel-related issues with firearms.
http://www.dailycamera.com/news/boulder/ci_31249477/gunbarrel-man-who-shot-neighbor-squirrel-feeding-dispute
And the next article linked off the sidebar of that page is: “Longmont police: Man knocked out power to auto parts store with erotic whip”
http://www.dailycamera.com/news/crime/ci_31375872/longmont-police-man-knocked-out-power-auto-parts
Apparently he jammed a British Fantasy Series Metal Beaded Flogger [sic] into the circuit box.
Just exactly what do you folks get up to in Boulder County?
cr
Would that squirrel be a gun nut?
Where does it stop? If we allow squirrels to have guns next we have
Never bring an unloaded gun to a squirrel fight…
The only threat she has to deal with from squirrels has to do with her being a nut. Stop the pretense and the squirrels will back away.
On Sun, Oct 15, 2017 at 3:46 PM, Why Evolution Is True wrote:
> whyevolutionistrue posted: “I don’t believe in capital punishment, but if > any crime deserves a sentence of life without parole, it’s this one (click > on screenshot to see the sordid tail from The Longmont News): Longmont > police on Friday arrested a woman on suspicion of disorderly c” >
My wife observed some interesting cooperative behavior by two squirrels trying to break into my bird feeder. The one was hanging off the trellis and the other pushing him in order to get him towards the feeder itself. They were unsuccessful but it was a good try. Why they aren’t over nomming on the corn cob I leave them is beyond me.
BTW, squirrel is supposed to be one of the words that you can use to determine if a person is a native English speaker. It is almost impossible for someone whose first language is German to pronounce it correctly.
https://www.livescience.com/18932-germans-squirrel.html
Given the well-known problem Chinese have* in distinguishing ‘r’ and ‘l’, I should imagine they don’t have much luck with ‘squirrel’ either.
(*I hope that won’t be taken as a racist observation 😉
And here we have the Norwegian singer Sissel Kyrkebo singing ‘Going Home’
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJFhTb1gi6Y
and – the one exception to her faultless English – she sings “I’m yust going home”, every time. I find this rather endearing.
cr