Dastardly offense in Colorado

I don’t believe in capital punishment, but if any crime deserves a sentence of life without parole, it’s this one (click on screenshot to see the sordid tail from The Longmont News):

Longmont police on Friday arrested a woman on suspicion of disorderly conduct after they say she pulled a gun on a squirrel outside of a coffee shop.

Kylie Morrison, 31, was released on a summons for misdemeanor disorderly conduct following the incident, according to an arrest report.

Police responded to Cafe Luna on a report of a woman with a gun and placed Morrison into custody. Witnesses told police that Morrison had been sitting in the coffee shop and talking to herself but later exited the building and sat outside. Morrison appeared to be “high on something” and started throwing items at a squirrel when it got too close to her, the report stated.

One of the witnesses began feeding the squirrel to coax it away from Morrison, who allegedly became irritated, drew a gun from her bag and pulled the trigger three or four times. The gun didn’t discharge, but a witness told police she froze in her tracks until Morrison put the gun away.

This being America, the Second Amendment also applies to squirrels, who have every right to defend themselves. Remember, guns don’t kill squirrels, people do!

h/t: Woody

 

26 Comments

  1. eliz20108
    Posted October 15, 2017 at 3:53 pm | Permalink

    when I was younger I hunted squirrels for food. We made stew.

  2. Randall Schenck
    Posted October 15, 2017 at 4:27 pm | Permalink

    Sounds like this person should not even be allowed to have a gun. But then that applies to damn near all of them.

  3. Laurance
    Posted October 15, 2017 at 5:33 pm | Permalink

    Ummmm, where are the bears when we need them? Doesn’t the 2nd Amendment protect the right to arm bears? A bear could have protected the squirrel.

    • rickflick
      Posted October 15, 2017 at 6:53 pm | Permalink

      “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and Arm bears, shall not be infringed.”

  4. Posted October 15, 2017 at 6:09 pm | Permalink

    No real squirrels were harmed in the making of this programme.

  5. Joe
    Posted October 15, 2017 at 6:17 pm | Permalink

    When I was about 9, 1948, our family of four piled into our 36 Chevy (kept it till 52) to drive from Decatur, IL, to near Quincy, 150 miles away, where most of my mother’s family lived. Our arrival at the farm of Aunt Mary and Uncle Lawrence seemed unexpected; perhaps some miscommunication (by letter, of course). With four extra mouths to feed for lunch, Aunt Mary took down the 22 from its rack in the kitchen, stepped out through the summer kitchen, aimed, fired twice, two squirrels fell. She retrieved them, dressed them, and cooked them. Don’t remember anything about the meal, but I was mighty impressed by my aunt’s prowess with a gun.

  6. loren russell
    Posted October 15, 2017 at 6:27 pm | Permalink

    Morrison’s gun didn’t discharge: either it was unloaded [and Morrison ‘knew’ this — likely, passive-aggressive and very scary] or because it jammed, likely due to disuse and lack of maintenance.

    Either way Morrison is no true Second Amendment warrior.

    This does remind me of a case in a nearby small town a few years ago. Complaints came in that an older male resident was discharging his weapons. Officers noted a number of dead squirrels and birds, mostly robins and starlings lying about his front yard. He was cited for unlawful discharge and violation of game laws. Despite his complaint that “they were trespassing”.

  7. infiniteimprobabilit
    Posted October 15, 2017 at 6:33 pm | Permalink

    I have to admit I almost killed a duck on Saturday. Why, when ducks take off, do they fly low along the road instead of sideways out of the path of cars? Luckily for the duck, s/he gained a couple of feet of altitude and just skimmed over my roof.

    (I immediately thought of PCC at the time).

    cr

    • infiniteimprobabilit
      Posted October 15, 2017 at 6:40 pm | Permalink

      (This should have been posted on the next story…)

      cr

  8. mordacious1
    Posted October 15, 2017 at 6:34 pm | Permalink

    That squirrel is in trouble, the gun is not loaded.

    • stuartcoyle
      Posted October 15, 2017 at 9:25 pm | Permalink

      There may be one in the chamber behind the barrel that you cannot see. Never assume a weapon is unloaded, even when wielded by a rodent.

      • mordacious1
        Posted October 15, 2017 at 9:54 pm | Permalink

        True, but if he pulls the trigger, it will rotate the cylinder to an empty chamber.

        • JohnnieCanuck
          Posted October 16, 2017 at 5:38 am | Permalink

          She. I cannot say as to whether this squirrel believes that he is a male trapped in a female body, but that is clearly a female squirrel’s body.

          A lactating mother of a squirrel.

        • David Harper
          Posted October 16, 2017 at 5:53 am | Permalink

          If the squirrel’s hand is steady, she only needs one shot.

          • infiniteimprobabilit
            Posted October 16, 2017 at 6:50 am | Permalink

            But I *think* (can’t be sure as I’ve never handled one) that pulling the trigger (in a double-action revolver) first rotates the cylinder by one, then releases the hammer to fire it. Hence Mordacious’s comment is valid.

            cr

  9. busterggi
    Posted October 15, 2017 at 7:12 pm | Permalink

    Nuts attract squirrels.

    • Ken Kukec
      Posted October 15, 2017 at 8:19 pm | Permalink

      And, obvs, vice versa.

  10. gscott
    Posted October 15, 2017 at 11:47 pm | Permalink

    Here in Boulder County (which includes most of Longmont) we resolve all of our squirrel-related issues with firearms.

    http://www.dailycamera.com/news/boulder/ci_31249477/gunbarrel-man-who-shot-neighbor-squirrel-feeding-dispute

  11. Bruce Gorton
    Posted October 16, 2017 at 1:26 am | Permalink

    Would that squirrel be a gun nut?

  12. JonLynnHarvey
    Posted October 16, 2017 at 1:22 pm | Permalink

    Where does it stop? If we allow squirrels to have guns next we have

  13. starskeptic
    Posted October 16, 2017 at 5:47 pm | Permalink

    Never bring an unloaded gun to a squirrel fight…

  14. Posted October 17, 2017 at 2:06 pm | Permalink

    The only threat she has to deal with from squirrels has to do with her being a nut. Stop the pretense and the squirrels will back away.

    On Sun, Oct 15, 2017 at 3:46 PM, Why Evolution Is True wrote:

    > whyevolutionistrue posted: “I don’t believe in capital punishment, but if > any crime deserves a sentence of life without parole, it’s this one (click > on screenshot to see the sordid tail from The Longmont News): Longmont > police on Friday arrested a woman on suspicion of disorderly c” >

  15. Posted October 17, 2017 at 8:01 pm | Permalink

    My wife observed some interesting cooperative behavior by two squirrels trying to break into my bird feeder. The one was hanging off the trellis and the other pushing him in order to get him towards the feeder itself. They were unsuccessful but it was a good try. Why they aren’t over nomming on the corn cob I leave them is beyond me.

    BTW, squirrel is supposed to be one of the words that you can use to determine if a person is a native English speaker. It is almost impossible for someone whose first language is German to pronounce it correctly.

    https://www.livescience.com/18932-germans-squirrel.html

    • infiniteimprobabilit
      Posted October 17, 2017 at 9:03 pm | Permalink

      Given the well-known problem Chinese have* in distinguishing ‘r’ and ‘l’, I should imagine they don’t have much luck with ‘squirrel’ either.

      (*I hope that won’t be taken as a racist observation 😉

      And here we have the Norwegian singer Sissel Kyrkebo singing ‘Going Home’
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJFhTb1gi6Y
      and – the one exception to her faultless English – she sings “I’m yust going home”, every time. I find this rather endearing.

      cr


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