Would you (and will you) adopt this “bastard of a cat”?

When PuffHo sticks to animals, it can be tolerable, and it does have the story of Mr. Biggles, an Utter Bastard of a Cat:

Pet adoption agency Cats of Melbourne, located in Melbourne, Australia, posted a darkly hilarious memo about Mr. Biggles (also known as Lord Bigglesworth) on its website this week, practically daring a future owner to take him in.

Founder and group co-ordinator Gina Brett wrote the ad, describing the shiny black cat as “an utter utter utter bastard” who throws tantrums and does not like to be thwarted.

. . . “Mr. Biggles is currently sunning himself in my backyard and eyeballing the chickens with a view to murder,” Brett told HuffPost. “This morning he played with the dog (and didn’t draw blood, I’m impressed) and savaged my brother who tried to cuddle him (I warned him but he didn’t listen).”

While Mr. Biggles’ profile is the most shared one Brett has posted since founding the agency in October of last year, the dictatorial feline with a heart of gold has not yet been adopted.

“He’s had a lot of responses since I put his profile up on Sunday but sadly no human slaves have offered themselves up as sacrifices as yet,” Brett added.

Here’s the miscreant moggie. He looks like a bastard!

Here’s the full adoption memo:

If there are any readers in Melbourne, please adopt Mr. Biggles! I will send you both of my trade books, appropriately autographed, if you do. Even bastard cats need a loving home!

Be sure to watch the video attached to this photo at Mr. Biggles’s Plea Site:

Adopt me, you st00pid human!

17 Comments

  1. Posted May 18, 2017 at 3:04 pm | Permalink

    I would if only because he’s the purrfect mat for my Boo, who’s an asshole. Too bad I’m in Canada

  2. BJ
    Posted May 18, 2017 at 3:05 pm | Permalink

    I would take him in a heartbeat if I didn’t already have a cat just like him, who I love to bits anyway. He’s his own cat, and, just like people, sometimes he gets angry, sometimes he doesn’t want to be touched, etc.

  3. Randy schenck
    Posted May 18, 2017 at 3:30 pm | Permalink

    Sound pretty much like almost any cat.

    • BJ
      Posted May 18, 2017 at 3:38 pm | Permalink

      People who say this haven’t known many cats. The vast majority of cats I’ve known have been loving, affectionate, kindhearted animals without an ounce of animosity toward their human slave.

      • tubby
        Posted May 18, 2017 at 4:03 pm | Permalink

        I had a jerk with a heart of jerk cat like Lord Bigglesworth before. Her lordship, sir Baron von Pudgy Puss, esquire. She was a tiny, fluffy dictator with the head of an angry old man and the body of a stuffed animal who was kind to her more favored servants, but a complete bastard to me. We had the weirdest relationship.

      • Randy schenck
        Posted May 18, 2017 at 4:18 pm | Permalink

        Wrong. I have two cats currently and have had others in the past. You, I am afraid did not read much of the ad because a lot of what you said plus more was in there. Please, note also, this is a tom cat that spends a good deal of time outside, not your lap cat.

      • Posted May 18, 2017 at 4:29 pm | Permalink

        “loving, affectionate, kindhearted”?

        IMO the reason they don’t eat their human staff is almost certainly because they are well aware of the size differential. Add to that their superb practicality; who’s going to give them nummies and rubbies if not their staff? Best to keep us around.

        My cats (3) have been merciless, ferocious, indefatigable killers of rodents (and sadly the occasional bird), feared tormentors of d*gs foolish enough to approach them and rulers of the alley and neighborhood until olde age and discretion limited their reign, then it’s a regal retirement with extra service expectations. When it comes to rodents, birds, d*gs and other cats your adjectives do not apply.

        Maybe it’s self-selection – I like the wilder ones.

  4. Gregory Kusnick
    Posted May 18, 2017 at 3:39 pm | Permalink

    I hope Mr. Biggles doesn’t become the victim of identity theft, now that his chip number has been published.

  5. Barbara Radcliffe
    Posted May 18, 2017 at 4:34 pm | Permalink

    Forwarded this to my daughter who lives near Melbourne, although they already have four cats! Previously theirs was a 1:1 cat :human household, but now that both daughters are in university, it’s 2 cats/human, so I doubt if she’ll take up the opportunity.

  6. Stephen Barnard
    Posted May 18, 2017 at 7:07 pm | Permalink

    No

  7. Posted May 18, 2017 at 7:28 pm | Permalink

    What a beauty! Too bad I already have 2 cats from the streets of NYC…one of which is big and wild! Good luck!

  8. Posted May 18, 2017 at 8:51 pm | Permalink

    There it is! My invention: Double-0 Stupid, licensed to die! It’s a take-off of James Bond, of course, and spelled exactly as above: st00pid.

    I made the mistake of entering it into Urban Dictionary. The results:
    1. I apparently gave up copyright ownership the instant I did that;
    2. and, perhaps worse, some actual idiots input their definitions in place of mine, so that I had to email a complaint to get mine in. That made no sense to me at all.

    Anyway, glad to see it used here.

  9. eric
    Posted May 18, 2017 at 10:16 pm | Permalink

    My cat is 17. I’m not introducing another cat into our relationship in this late stage in her life. And if I’m being honest, I probably won’t be emotionally prepared for another cat until several months (at least) after she dies.

    Having said that, I’ve dealt with ‘cats from hell’ before and I do pretty well. I’m patient enough to let them come to me. So ask me again in 2-5 years and the answer may be yes 🙂

  10. Melissa Johnson
    Posted May 19, 2017 at 5:36 am | Permalink

    Handsome boy! Aw, I wish I could adopt Mr. Biggles but I live in the states in Wisconsin. He looks exactly like my late cat Elvis, who lived to be 17 and had charm to spare. I hope he finds a human soon. What a boy!

  11. Mike
    Posted May 19, 2017 at 7:29 am | Permalink

    That’s one hard looking Cat.

  12. David Coxill
    Posted May 19, 2017 at 1:30 pm | Permalink

    He sounds like my cat Misha ,the little sod drew blood the first time i met him at the RSPCA rescue center .
    He is a sore loser ,when i play fight with him and he doesn’t manage to draw blood he will try and scratch my legs before he storms off .
    But he will jump on my bed in the middle of the night to have his throat /neck stroked .


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