The dumbest inventions of our time: pizza accoutrements

From First We Feast, we have one of the dumbest inventions of our time: a portable pizza pouch for those who want to buy two slices but want to eat one on the go while keeping the other on hand. I can think of a gazillion reasons why this is dumb, including the fact that you have to clean it and that New Yorkers have managed the art of eating two slices at once (see the beginning of Saturday Night Fever). It’s no longer available at the site listed, but you can get one on Amazon.


John Travolta shows you what to do at 1:35. He’s the king out there, fadda!

And you can still get this other dumb invention: a portable fork and pizza cutter combined.  The object is to cut your pizza into bite-sized pieces, and then eat them with your fork, but only a total wuss would do something like that.



  1. busterggi
    Posted March 3, 2017 at 2:45 pm | Permalink

    A pair of insults to the pie.

  2. YF
    Posted March 3, 2017 at 2:50 pm | Permalink

    Hilarious! I confess that we have a ‘pizza keepa’ at home:

    • E.A. Blair
      Posted March 3, 2017 at 4:11 pm | Permalink

      The barbarity of the pizza keeper is that the manufacturer advocates reheating pizza in a microwave. No only does this ensure a soggy crust, it also bypasses the enjoyment of room temperature day-old pie.

  3. Posted March 3, 2017 at 2:59 pm | Permalink

    Reminds me of “sporks” which are a fork on one end and a spoon on the other. As I recall, when forks were first introduced they were viewed in much this same way. Hands and knives were plenty fine. Who needed a fork? However, there are a lot of strange gadgets for making and eating food that be found in cooking ware catalogs.

    • gravelinspector-Aidan
      Posted March 3, 2017 at 4:54 pm | Permalink

      Sporks actually work – and it’s one fewer type of item to carry, which is significant if you carry all your camping kit on your back. Though to be honest, I normally carry a decent knife and a spoon and utterly dispense with the concept of “fork”. 14th or 15th century invention that it is, anyway.

    • Heather Hastie
      Posted March 3, 2017 at 5:03 pm | Permalink

      Who eats pizza with a fork? It wouldn’t taste right! Use your fingers, and make sure you lick them too!

  4. Posted March 3, 2017 at 3:10 pm | Permalink

    “From First We Feast, we have one of the dumbest inventions of our time”

    I suspect that was the intent given it’s manufactured by “Stupidiotic”. :p

  5. Tom Czarny
    Posted March 3, 2017 at 3:11 pm | Permalink

    Also in the category of unnecessary things you can’t live without, the Charles Darwin Christmas ornaments are on clearance at Archie McPhee:

    • E.A. Blair
      Posted March 3, 2017 at 4:08 pm | Permalink

      McPhee also sells a Crazy Cat Lady action figure and a Crazy Cat Lady board game.

    • Posted March 3, 2017 at 5:52 pm | Permalink

      Wow! I might buy that, if it were in a store here and I happened to run into it. (Most of my Christmas ornaments are animals and plants.)

  6. Ken Kukec
    Posted March 3, 2017 at 3:33 pm | Permalink

    Takes a real mook to eat a slice with fork.

    And don’t get me started on the kinda gavone carries a slice around his neck.

    • Posted March 4, 2017 at 11:55 am | Permalink

      Trump eats pizza with a fork. That alone should have barred him from being President…

  7. Posted March 3, 2017 at 3:46 pm | Permalink

    Does anyone know the names of the companies that make these?? I’d like to invest my lifes savings in their stock

    • Posted March 4, 2017 at 9:28 am | Permalink

      I don’t know if they issue stock, but I’m sure they make a transparent neck pouch you can carry your life savings in.

  8. E.A. Blair
    Posted March 3, 2017 at 4:03 pm | Permalink

    The pizza pouch wouldn’t work for me and the cutter/fork would be unnecessary because the place I order from cuts pizza into squares. The pouch wouldn’t fit the pieces and the squares make the cutter/fork unnecessary.

    I like kitchen gadgets, but only when they serve a useful purpose.

  9. grasshopper
    Posted March 3, 2017 at 4:17 pm | Permalink

    A phone-in radio competition on the ABC here in Oz voted the most useless invention to be a fridge-magnet holder.

    • gravelinspector-Aidan
      Posted March 3, 2017 at 4:59 pm | Permalink

      Is that for the kitchen with that most barbarous of things – a non- ferrous-metal fridge. Which are probably going to become more common if the price of steel rises and that of (recycled) plastics falls.

  10. Randy schenck
    Posted March 3, 2017 at 4:21 pm | Permalink

    Looks like a real good deal for anyone with pizza for brains. Anyone know why Travolta was carrying a gallon of paint all around NYC. Was he also a bag man for the paint company when he wasn’t dancing.

    • Heather Hastie
      Posted March 3, 2017 at 5:12 pm | Permalink

      He works in a paint store. The customer wanted paint that the store didn’t sell. He went to another store and bought the paint there, then came back pretending he’d been mixing it out the back. The other store charged $7.95. He charged the lady $10.95, telling her he was giving her $1 off, just for her, because she had waited so long.

      • Randall Schenck
        Posted March 3, 2017 at 5:25 pm | Permalink

        Thanks…I hadn’t remembered all of that. Long time since I saw the movie. $7.95 for a gal. of paint kind of ages it as well. More like $20 to $30 for a gal today unless it is really crap paint.

        • Heather Hastie
          Posted March 3, 2017 at 5:31 pm | Permalink

          It’s a lot more than that here. More like $100 for 4 litres (just over a gallon).

          And we pay about $1.90 for a litre of petrol. Stop complaining about your gas prices!!! 🙂

          • Randy schenck
            Posted March 3, 2017 at 7:11 pm | Permalink

            Holy crap, $100 bucks for a gallon of paint. Maybe if you are painting a Rembrandt. It’s not even oil based anymore, all latex.

            I am familiar with the gas prices, having lived in England, Okinawa. They all drive on the wrong side of the road you know. Fortunately, I was able to buy gas on bases and pay U.S. prices most of the time. By the way, Gas right now, here in Kansas is about $2.15 a gallon. Makes it hard to sell electric or hybrid autos.

            • Heather Hastie
              Posted March 3, 2017 at 7:19 pm | Permalink

              About a quarter of what we pay! I think we’ll have better luck going electric. The problem here for electric is the lack of infrastructure, but that’s finally starting to change.

  11. Posted March 3, 2017 at 6:33 pm | Permalink

    There’s no bad way to eat pizza. Many a wedge has succumbed to my ravenosity!

  12. Forse
    Posted March 3, 2017 at 7:41 pm | Permalink

    OT (re Pandas). Today’s South China Morning Post here in Hong King has news of a panda caught on video eating a goat carcass right down to the bones! Was on China Weibo microblogging site with nearly 2 million views.
    A user pointed out Pandas still eat meat fish and eggs.
    (Sorry for posting this here but I’m on the road with iPhone and can’t quite find the OP on Pandas I so enjoyed last night).
    Forse in Hong Kong

  13. David Coxill
    Posted March 3, 2017 at 8:09 pm | Permalink

    Calm down JC you will do you self a mischief.

  14. Brian Salkas
    Posted March 3, 2017 at 8:11 pm | Permalink

    Is this not the epitome of decadence?

  15. Estragon
    Posted March 3, 2017 at 9:39 pm | Permalink

    I love it!!! What we have here is an example of chindogu. Do a google image search on chindogu and you’ll see lots of other examples of this tongue-in-cheek tomfoolery.

  16. Bob
    Posted March 4, 2017 at 7:13 am | Permalink

    Eating with one’s hands is barbaric. I use a knife and fork even on the rare occasion when I am served a hamburger. But then I suppose that those who are so uncivilized that after eating a pizza directly from their hands then lick their fingers clean like a cat.

  17. Kurt Lewis Helf
    Posted March 4, 2017 at 9:08 am | Permalink

    Foldable pizza is a crime against humanity. Try doing that with a slice from Uno’s in downtown Chicago (their only location worth buying pizza from) or even Freddy’s (in Cicero) “thin” crust. It can’t, and shouldn’t, be done.
    Btw, PCC, if you’ve never been to Freddy’s you need tomgo; their “Fruit of the Forest” gelato alone is worth the visit.

%d bloggers like this: