I have no use for Gwyneth Paltrow, her hauteur, and the ridiculously overpriced merchandise at her “goop” store, but I couldn’t resist highlighting one item, a jade “yoni [vagina] egg” that, claims goop, has all kinds of miracle properties. And it’s only $68! Sadly, you can’t get one as they’re all sold out. Here’s what, according to the ad below, this thing can do
- harnesses the power of energy work, crystal healing, and a Kegel-like physical practice
- cleanses, clears, and detoxifies the vagina
- removes negativity
- increases chi, orgasms, vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance, and feminine energy.
The only thing I can see that might be useful is increasing muscle tone, but then again I don’t have a vagina. The rest is just pure scam, as, I’ve learned, so much of goop is. Gwyneth Paltrow is the female equivalent of Deepak Chopra, but with clothes and purses. Anybody who spends $68 bucks on this thing (and given that it’s sold out, many must have) deserves what they get.
If you want to read Shiva Rose’s unintentionally humorous paean to this thing, go to the goop article, “Better sex: Jade eggs for your yoni.” which includes this exchange (my emphasis)
There are specifications about where the egg needs to be from, how it’s been treated—can you explain a bit about that?
The most important thing, just like when you’re buying a crystal, is to be careful where you get it from. Nephrite is a specific type of jade—it’s the most powerful, the most clearing, the traditional one used by women in ancient China, and the best to start with. It comes from Canada or sometimes Australia, and it’s a darker jade, deep green, almost black. The egg will get lighter in color, with use; if you feel like it’s been drained of energy, recharge it in the full moon just the way you would a crystal.
Nephrite jade is associated with cleansing, health, abundance, beauty, longevity, and healing for the heart. Really insist on nephrite jade—there are a lot of imposters and weird stuff on the internet that isn’t even actually jade.
The other egg people will use is rose quartz, which is more gentle, and brings in more love energy. But the jade is the most powerfully cleansing; go with the jade first, always. Then when you’re more practiced, you can use rose quartz to bring in love and heal wounds, in a gentler way.
At the end of Shiva Rose’s piece is this weaselly disclaimer:
The views expressed in this article intend to highlight alternative studies and induce conversation. They are the views of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of goop, and are for informational purposes only, even if and to the extent that this article features the advice of physicians and medical practitioners. This article is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and should never be relied upon for specific medical advice.
If the views don’t represent the views of goop, why are they selling the egg with all those wacky claims?