I can’t imagine a more intriguing headline than this one from yesterday’s Omaha Herald (click on screenshot to go to article). And it’s REAL!
If they gave Pulitzer Prizes for headlines, that should get one!
The story: a 53 year old father in Omaha found brownies in the back of his car, a car his kids had used earlier in the day. He ate four of them, and, sure enough, the brownies were pot brownies. The expected effect occurred: the man got stoned, but had no idea what was happening. He began getting terrible anxiety, and the cops and paramedics were called. This was the scene when they arrived:
Paramedics called to the scene who checked the man found his vital signs to be normal. But they noted that he was displaying odd behavior — crawling around on the floor, randomly using profanities and calling the family cat a “bitch.”
The man was put to bed, one of the kids confessed that the brownies belonged to one of the other kids (LOL), and no arrests were made.
But what about the cat? Was it really a “bitch”?
A later story in the same paper fleshed out the details, interviewing the dad:
But The Pot Father was not so sure, so it was then that he tried to go upstairs to his bedroom, where later (as he got even higher) he would see the demons and the flying circles and squares.
Except that as he walked across the living room somehow his walk turned into a crawl. And then somehow his crawl turned into a military crawl like he learned at Marine Corps basic training back in 1981. (“Michael was displaying odd behavior,” the police report reads. “Crawling around on the floor …”)
And then somehow he was sprawled on the stairs, and the family cat, Kipper, was standing at the top of the stairs staring down at him, unblinking. Maybe a tad judgey.
For the record, The Pot Father claims he was actually attempting to tell the paramedics helping him off the stairs that the cat is sometimes a bitch. As in, don’t touch her tail, guys, that cat will claw-shank you. But it maybe came out kind of weird, owing to the fact that he had just accidentally ingested an enormous amount of pot brownies. Maybe, just maybe, it came out sounding like he was “calling their cat a ‘bitch’ ” as the police report so eloquently states.
Which he wasn’t, The Pot Father swears. Although: “She can be a b…,” he tells me Thursday night.
And here’s Kipper, the bitch cat. LOL: it’s a tortie!
I have a similar story! When I was in grad school, my officemate was a postdoc from India, and had never in his life tried pot. It turned out that, one Saturday, there was going to be a lab party, and another grad student had made a pan of pot brownies for it, using an entire ounce of the stuff. He put the brownies in the cold room, and we knew they were there.
When I got to my office on Saturday afternoon, my officemate was lying on the cot we kept in our office for naps, writhing around and giggling uncontrollably. I was baffled, as he was a pretty straight guy. After a bit of interrogation, I discovered that he had gone into the cold room to get some electrophoretic buffer, and came upon the pan of brownies. He was also a guy who liked his noms, so he helped himself amply to what he thought was cake.
It took him hours to come down, and, as far as I know, he never tried pot again after that!
h/t: Ginger K.