Sometimes, after looking at PuffHo, the Ultimate Social Justice Website, I amuse myself with the idea of making up some annoying PuffHo headlines for its articles, nearly all written by privileged white post-college women who want to either shame us or tell us what do to. If you don’t look at PuffHo and aren’t familiar with their unspeakably annoying style, you needn’t enter this contest; but its rules are simple: fabricate two PuffHo headlines that are funny but could just conceivably have appeared on the site. And remember, the site has an agenda, largely dictated by Arianna:
- All Democrats are angels; all Republicans are Satan
- The content of the site always reflects the full Regressive Leftist agenda.
- Nothing that Muslims do is bad; anything “Islamic” that appears bad was either not motivated by religion, was not done by a “true” Muslim, or was misunderstood by Westerners.
- All religion is good, including “spirituality”
- We have to use up those leftover food scraps
- The most important problem in the U.S. is lack of sleep
- Anything done by the Kardashians or Taylor Swift (annoyingly called “TSwift”) deserves mention, especially if it involves a feud.
- Words like “perfect” are used as often as possible, especially when describing a response to a right-wing claim
- “Genius” is liberally used as an adjective.
- There are often features like “six things you need to know this morning.” If you use that trope, you have to list everything we need to know.
- Amy Schumer is God, and anything she says is genius, particularly when she’s throwing shade on a hater.
So, exercise your creativity in my absence.
Rules: Submit two mock headlines satirizing those that might appear in the PuffHo. The deadline is 5 p.m. Chicago time, this Friday, August 12. The winner will receive either an autographed copy or an audiobook of Faith Versus Fact, with a cat drawn in the former. I reserve the right to declare that there is no winner if the headlines aren’t funny enough.
p.s. Winner George of the “guess the Presidential candidates” contest has yet to claim his book, and I owe someone another cat-autographed book whose name I can’t recall and whose information I lose (he sent me a copy of his cat). Please email me.