Now that I have my official government TSA “precheck” status, so I can enter that number when I make reservations and it’s printed on my boarding pass, so I’m no longer a pleb. And although I’ve been groped before with precheck status, this time I went through the entire security line in less than two minutes, from showing my boarding pass to picking up my scanned luggage. I even wore my belt, my cowboy boots (which have a metal shank), and my wallet through the scanner, and yet nobody touched my buttocks.
If you’re a U.S. citizen, I recommend that you get TSA Precheck ($85 for five years), or, better yet, Global Entry, which costs only a tad more but includes Precheck as well as immigration goodies. I hesitated to recommend it, though, for as people cotton on to this status, it will make the sparse security lines even more crowded.
Here is a selfie from the airport mirror to celebrate my unsullied nether parts: