Christian bodybuilders find Biblical justification for swinging

Well, this just goes to show that literally anything, including wife-swapping, can be justified by the Bible. We learn via reader Barry from an article in yesterday’s HuffPo that a new Christian swingers’ group, one aimed at bodybuilders (!) has arisen. And of course because they’re Christians, and having sex with a bunch of other people besides your spouse seems distinctly un-Christian, they’re forced to justify it by citing scripture.  The justification goes beyond, “Well, the Bible doesn’t say anything against it (of course the phenomenon of “swinging” didn’t really exist among the Israelites), and into the ground that it’s actually something that God wants. It’s God’s plan. After all, as Dean says in the video below, it’s a way of spreading God’s word among swingers. (That’s not the only thing it spreads!)

Frankly, I don’t care who does what to where, or when, so long as they’re all consenting adults and nobody gets hurt. But it’s funny to see how Christians have to rationalize it. Here’s an excerpt from HuffPo, but the video below it is a real gem.

If you like Jesus, pumping iron and pumping/getting pumped by acquaintances bound by holy matrimony, there’s a website just for you.

It’s called Fitness Swingers, and it’s the brainchild of Cristy Parave and her husband, Dean, who dreamed up the site after reportedly having a threesome with this wife and her female friend. Apparently, the sex was just heavenly.

The Florida couple, who met at a bodybuilding competition, are interested in sharing their beliefs and their spouses with others who feel similarly. They started their online network 7 years ago, and haven’t looked back. The pillars of their relationship: A commitment to their faith, to fitness, and to the ideals of the swinger lifestyle.

Dean Parave told Barcroft Media that he doesn’t think that his swinger lifestyle conflicts with his Christian beliefs. In fact, he considers it a kind of ministry.

“So far today, God hasn’t told me, ‘Dean stop that, it’s a sin. I don’t want you to do that.’ Until he does that, I’m going to keep trying to help as many people as I can,” he told Barcroft.

Christy said she needed a little convincing that it was moral at first, but now she’s totally convinced that god is on their side.

“God put people on the Earth to breed and enjoy each other,” she told Barcroft. “I feel God is always with me and he has put us here for a reason.”

Count how many times in this hilarious video you see “God’s will” used simply as an excuse for people to make the beast with two backs:

I wonder if—in the same manner Obama characterizes ISIS—other horrified Christians would say that these “aren’t real Christians.”

If you’re a randy and muscular Christian, you can sign up for Fitness Swingers by clicking on the screenshot below:

Screen Shot 2014-09-27 at 10.14.07 AM

I don’t think this is a joke!

65 Comments

  1. Sarah
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 10:54 am | Permalink

    So that’s what “muscular Christianity” means!

  2. Robert Seidel
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 11:05 am | Permalink

    I see there’s one yellow dot placed above the western Baltic Area – my region! Hmm.

    • Posted September 27, 2014 at 11:12 am | Permalink

      There’s even one in Saudi Arabia, which where they appreciate Christians as much as swingers or female.bodybuilders.

      • John Scanlon, FCD
        Posted September 27, 2014 at 11:27 am | Permalink

        That’s so funny. Are there more Christian swingers in Mecca, or Medina?

        • infiniteimprobabilit
          Posted September 27, 2014 at 10:50 pm | Permalink

          I suspect they just placed the dots on the map arbitrarily…

  3. Posted September 27, 2014 at 11:19 am | Permalink

    “So far today, God hasn’t told me, ‘Dean stop killing people, it’s a sin. I don’t want you to do that.’ Until he does that, I’m going to keep trying to kill as many people as I can.”

    Change 3 words and you can see the problem with his logic.

    Not that there is a moral equivalency between the acts but the rationale needs a bit of work.

  4. George
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 11:26 am | Permalink

    You can find the justification for just about anything in the bible, aka the big book of multiple choice.

    • Dawn Oz
      Posted September 27, 2014 at 5:30 pm | Permalink

      Stealing your phrase. Thank you!

      • George
        Posted September 29, 2014 at 7:25 am | Permalink

        Just saw your message. I cannot take credit for the phrase. I stole it a long time ago. Although I am not sure from whom. But it is a good use of words – use it well.

  5. Erp
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 11:27 am | Permalink

    Nor particularly new. Several Christian sects over the centuries had wives in common though the women and the less dominant men didn’t have much choice. Look up about Jan van Batenburg and Joseph Smith’s collection of wives included some who were already and remained married to other men (see for instance Zina D. H. Young).

  6. lanceleuven
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 11:31 am | Permalink

    ““So far today, God hasn’t told me, ‘Dean stop that, it’s a sin. I don’t want you to do that.’”

    Wow, now there’s a keen Bible reader. I think the “Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery” bit covers it. Still, at least, for once, the Bible isn’t been used to justify hurting others. Perhaps that’s progress…

    • Posted September 27, 2014 at 11:45 am | Permalink

      I do predict there will be divorces….

      • Posted September 27, 2014 at 12:00 pm | Permalink

        Not to mention steroid-powered fistfights! Pass the popcorn!

      • BillyJoe
        Posted September 27, 2014 at 12:07 pm | Permalink

        There will always be divorces.
        You would need to show that swingers – these particular swingers – tend to divorce at a greater rate than non-swingers. I actually see no reason why the reverse could not be true.

    • Carlos del Solar
      Posted September 27, 2014 at 12:31 pm | Permalink

      They don’t even need to open a bible. It’s right there among the Ten Commandments they would like to see (I’d bet) on display everywhere.

  7. Posted September 27, 2014 at 11:44 am | Permalink

    More proof that what God is, is whatever you want him to be. Remember the brain scans from Jerry’s post the other day?

    I’m thinking all these men have had their bits shrunk by body-building drugs, so they’re doing this only with other body-builders to reduce the risk of embarrassment.

    • BillyJoe
      Posted September 27, 2014 at 12:10 pm | Permalink

      Do women’s bits shrink as well?
      (And you’re assuming they’re on steroids!)

      • bacopa
        Posted September 27, 2014 at 12:25 pm | Permalink

        No, all the more external bits can grow quite a lot.

      • Posted September 27, 2014 at 1:09 pm | Permalink

        They’re on steroids. That kind of bulk doesn’t come from weights alone — and certainly not when accompanied by that kind of flab.

        b&

        • Mark Sturtevant
          Posted September 27, 2014 at 2:20 pm | Permalink

          One sign of that would be to look for gaps between their teeth, but I did not watch it long enough to check for that.

          • Posted September 28, 2014 at 9:37 am | Permalink

            Hmpf — did not know that. And, yes, pink-hair’s got gaps….

            b&

            • merilee
              Posted September 28, 2014 at 10:58 am | Permalink

              part of his charm:-((

  8. Carlos del Solar
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 11:45 am | Permalink

    “Padre nuestro, qué bueno es esto.
    Santa María, yo no quería.
    San Federico, es que está tan rico.
    Santa Canuta, mejor me hago p…”

    First thing that came to my mind. Part of an old joke among kids. No translation available.

  9. Posted September 27, 2014 at 11:54 am | Permalink

    The Bible is the ultimate example of ex falso quodlibet.

    b&

  10. Carlos del Solar
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 11:54 am | Permalink

    This reminds me of Homer Simpson:

    “Dear God, if you want me to stop doing this (whatever Homer likes) give me a signal; if you are OK with it, don’t do anything”

    • Mark Joseph
      Posted September 27, 2014 at 2:30 pm | Permalink

      Which itself goes back to the old joke(?) about a minister taking the offering into his study, throwing it all into the air, and saying “God, keep what you want, and leave me the rest”.

    • thh1859
      Posted September 27, 2014 at 3:09 pm | Permalink

      Yes, Carlos, I remember watching that episode.

      The creator of the Simpsons, Matt Groening, is on a list of prominent atheists.

  11. Peter Robbins
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 12:02 pm | Permalink

    Ranters on steroids.

  12. Posted September 27, 2014 at 12:14 pm | Permalink

    I had to go back and watch the leech eating the worm just to get this ugly picture out of my mind’s eye.

  13. Posted September 27, 2014 at 12:15 pm | Permalink

    Surely this is some kind of a ruse? I find it difficult to imagine that even xtians can be this daft. What’s worse it to think that these are the kinds of experts arguing for ‘science equality’ in government and education.

  14. Posted September 27, 2014 at 12:17 pm | Permalink

    After learnign about the xian BDSM groups I am not surprised by any of their justifications for their behavior.

    The BDSM groups even have different “toys” for either sex or “marital discipline” because you know one beating is “love” while the other is “correction”.

    It’s all just nonsense to me.

  15. Andrew Hughes
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 12:20 pm | Permalink

    What hit me straight away was the fact that yet another group of people are going to exploit a social activity as a mission to talk about Jesus. Fine. Free country but dammned annoying. Once you get passed the novelty of this news item with its apparent contradiction between their lifestyle and their faith, that’s the story. Missionary position jokes anyone?

  16. DrBrydon
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 12:38 pm | Permalink

    I think this just goes to show that there is no objective moral content to Christianity. If there were one thing I would have said Christians are against, it would have been adultery. But if these people can convince themselves otherwise, then Christianity is meaningless.

  17. merilee
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 12:51 pm | Permalink

    whoah… that pink hair really does it for me…NOT.

  18. Filippo
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 1:12 pm | Permalink

    KJV, I Corinthians 6:9:

    “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind . . . .”

    Fornication apparently worthy of mention, where murder and thievery apparently not.

    (Would be interested in the omniscient Karen Armstrong’s verdict.)

  19. Posted September 27, 2014 at 1:52 pm | Permalink

    “Our capacity for self-deception has no known limits.” [Michael Novak, Ascent of the Mountain, Flight of the Dove: An Invitation to Religious Studies 61 (New York: Harper & Row, rev. ed., 1978)]

  20. Diana MacPherson
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 2:06 pm | Permalink

    I wish these Christians were in that terrible God Is Not Dead film. Twist!

  21. JonLynnHarvey
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 2:41 pm | Permalink

    I have encountered nearly half a dozen separate and distinct Christian swingers groups (mostly through simply reading their websites), but to the best of my recollection this is the very first one I’ve seen that rationalizes free love on the grounds that it is a mean to spread God’s word.

    That really takes the cake.

  22. Mark Sturtevant
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 2:41 pm | Permalink

    Although these individuals seemed extremely shallow to me at first, I would offer that these human versions of bonobos might turn out pretty decent people in certain respects. For one, are these individuals likely to condemn homosexuals for being who they are?

    • Posted September 27, 2014 at 3:53 pm | Permalink

      I guess it would depend… are these homosexuals being ALL that they CAN be? Are they properly pumped to the MAX?!? Or are they merely tiny girly-men?

  23. thh1859
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 3:23 pm | Permalink

    Justif(orn)ication:
    “Swing Low Sweet Chariot
    Comin’ for to carry me home.”

  24. Posted September 27, 2014 at 4:02 pm | Permalink

    LOL!

    Exodus 20:14 – Thou shalt not commit adultery.

    Exodus 20:17 – Thou shalt not cover thy neighbor’s wife.

    But god also wants you to swing.

    Oh the tangled mess of contradiction that is the xian mind.

  25. Vaal
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 5:56 pm | Permalink

    “The Florida couple,…”

    A redundant bit of information.

    Of course it’s Florida. You just have to read the headline and you already know.

    (Insert the classic GIF of Bugs Bunny sawing off Florida…)

    • merilee
      Posted September 29, 2014 at 7:40 am | Permalink

      Sometimes Florida is just a penis, um, cigar…

  26. Bob Michaelson
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 6:55 pm | Permalink

    A dozen years ago there was a piece by Dan Savage in the Chicago Reader in which he interviewed an Orthodox (at least I assume they are Orthodox, since they keep kosher, attend services at least once a week, and spend a fair amount of time reading Torah) Jewish swinger couple:
    “The Torah talks about deception being part of the offense when someone commits adultery,” said David when I asked how they reconcile their conservative religious beliefs and their liberal attitudes toward sex. “So is adultery having sex with someone who isn’t your spouse? Or is it hiding that sex from your spouse?”

    “We realize we’re doing something that would be frowned upon in our moral community,” said Bridget. “And that it may be a contradiction. But people are complex.” Bridget feels the Torah is on their side. “This is something we feel helps our bond as husband and wife. Torah says a man should leave his parents and cleave to his wife,” and David and Bridget feel that swinging has brought them closer together.

    Etc.
    http://www.chicagoreader.com/chicago/swingers-a-love-story/Content?oid=910051

  27. dearmore
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 8:26 pm | Permalink

    To answer your question, yes. Many Christians would claim these swingers are not true Christians. I was reared to think MOST people who claim to be Christians are Christian in name only. Of course, we were fundies. I was 42 before I realized it was all phony.

  28. Nilou Ataie
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 9:33 pm | Permalink

    ew

  29. infiniteimprobabilit
    Posted September 27, 2014 at 10:49 pm | Permalink

    “I don’t think this is a joke.”

    I do. 🙂

    (Okay, I think we’re using different senses of the word ‘joke’…)

  30. Kev
    Posted September 28, 2014 at 4:09 am | Permalink

    I wouldn’t expect a logical ethic from any kind of Christian, be they body builders or swingers or even the more conventional. If they were capable of logical reasoning they would not be Christians.

  31. Daniel Oberer
    Posted September 28, 2014 at 5:36 am | Permalink

    Many of those “born again” christians nowadays differ from atheists only by saying prayer before having dinner; the life they lead as godless as anybody else’s life!

    It’s rather shameless how those dudes in that video try to justify their lifestyle by pretending to “spread the ‘Word of God®'” by means of swinging.

    … I wonder how their ‘word of god®’ might read?
    Something in the vein of “Oh my god, oooooh, you’re so hot, oooh baby, ooooh Jesus, yes, yeeees, yeeeeeeees — that’s what I needed — now a cigarette”.

  32. Posted September 28, 2014 at 3:02 pm | Permalink

    “So far today, God hasn’t told me, ‘Dean stop that, it’s a sin. I don’t want you to do that.’ Until he does that, I’m going to keep trying to help as many people as I can,” he told Barcroft.”

    What every pedophile priest and adulterous pastor has told themselves. Funny how an imaginary being doesn’t talk at all, so its silence it taken for approval.

    • merilee
      Posted September 28, 2014 at 3:22 pm | Permalink

      How d’ya know it doesn’t talk at all? It did talk to Dubya;-(

  33. sirgb
    Posted September 28, 2014 at 4:03 pm | Permalink

    Reblogged this on sirgb's Blog and commented:
    Is that so big deal if some are from Gomora? 😀 Honestly I make strong efforts to be rigorous and resentful while reading this article, but just can’t resist laughing. Sorry!
    Do they carry guns or bomb vests? Do they have plans killing other people who don’t like this kind of life form? The sexual orientation, religion and literature used for justification is pure private and the only reason I’d charge them a fine is because they pushing their +18 lifestyle into the air available for general public.

  34. Nick Evans
    Posted September 29, 2014 at 5:37 am | Permalink

    “of course the phenomenon of “swinging” didn’t really exist among the Israelites”

    You reckon?


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