A cat translator

From this week’s SMBC, courtesy of reader Steve:

20130818

There are two things wrong with this cartoon:

1. Nobody would name their cat “Scruffles”. (The inevitable result of that statement is that some reader will say he/she owns a cat named Scruffles.)

2. I don’t think the translation is accurate. A more likely one is “Where the hell is my dinner?”  But readers are invited to supply their own translations.

30 Comments

  1. NewEnglandBob
    Posted August 22, 2013 at 3:00 pm | Permalink

    “Get this thing off my head. I’m not a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.”

  2. Austin
    Posted August 22, 2013 at 3:02 pm | Permalink

    Love the Simpsons reference.

  3. jesperbothpedersen1
    Posted August 22, 2013 at 3:06 pm | Permalink

    “Meow”.

  4. Woof
    Posted August 22, 2013 at 3:07 pm | Permalink

    NO, it’s “Where is my dinner, underlings?”

  5. Ross Archer
    Posted August 22, 2013 at 3:09 pm | Permalink

    I think it’s far more likely it was:
    “Bring back the old CRT monitors, people. These LCD crap have no warm top to sleep on. Sometimes I think humans are very stupid.”

  6. Austin
    Posted August 22, 2013 at 3:09 pm | Permalink

    Here’s an older SMBC “cat translator” joke:

    http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=1705

    • Woof
      Posted August 22, 2013 at 7:17 pm | Permalink

      The Red Button on that one is pretty good, too.

  7. Posted August 22, 2013 at 3:18 pm | Permalink

    The phrase “He thinks he’s people,” is stolen from The Simpsons.

    • microraptor
      Posted August 22, 2013 at 5:32 pm | Permalink

      Actually, it’s from a much older Elmer Fudd cartoon.

  8. Dermot C
    Posted August 22, 2013 at 3:18 pm | Permalink

    It’s Kit Marmalade, the poetry cat:

    Everybody knows
    that nothing rhymes with ‘orange’,
    except:
    binge, cringe, fringe, ginge,
    hinge, challenge, minge, impinge,
    singe, tinge, whinge and of course,
    lozenge.
    there could be more.
    look it up in a dictionary –
    preferably rhyminge.

  9. Christopher
    Posted August 22, 2013 at 4:04 pm | Permalink

    When I had my cat, he didn’t like other cats (naturally). Our back yard, however, seemed to be a meeting place for all the local cats, so often when the sun was strong we’d have 5 or 6 other cats all lying around. Obviously my cat wasn’t impressed with them all in his territory (the yard was very small), but rather than going after them, he would walk through them and show them who was boss, and then jump and lie down on the wall above them all, looking down, surveying, as the lord cat of the manor.

    I miss him 😦

  10. Christian
    Posted August 22, 2013 at 4:05 pm | Permalink

    Hmm, orange cat? I guess a ‘Kitler’ would have been too obvious.

    • Matthew Vett
      Posted August 22, 2013 at 4:52 pm | Permalink

      My friends’ cat is named Chairman Meow.

  11. RFW
    Posted August 22, 2013 at 4:40 pm | Permalink

    Translations from the cat:

    Meow! – give me treatz
    Mrowr! – give me treatz
    Rowrrr, hiss – I see another cat outside!
    Chirp – are you awake yet? give me treatz
    Mowwwww – I am lonely. Amuse me, human.
    Mrrrrr – I love you. Where are my treatz?
    Prrrrrrr – I love it when you give me treatz.

    No, JAC, I don’t own a cat named Scruffles. I own two cats, hight “Gypsy” and “Cuddles”, their respective nicknames being “Bazalgette” and “Brunel”.

    • Dermot C
      Posted August 22, 2013 at 6:12 pm | Permalink

      Is Bazalgette a sewer cat? Ho-ho.

      • RFW
        Posted August 22, 2013 at 7:56 pm | Permalink

        You win an internet all your very own for knowing that.

        No, Gypsy/Bazalgette is not a sewer cat, though she loves to drink from the spout in the bathtub. She is more properly described as a wide-body model cat.

  12. David Duncan
    Posted August 22, 2013 at 5:11 pm | Permalink

    2. “Woman! My belly scratch is more than two hours overdue!”

  13. J.J. Emerson
    Posted August 22, 2013 at 5:22 pm | Permalink

    Somebody owns Scruffles, I suppose (link).

  14. Paul S
    Posted August 22, 2013 at 5:34 pm | Permalink

    I have two Siamese overlords and they make their demands perfectly understood. No translator necessary.

  15. Marella
    Posted August 22, 2013 at 5:35 pm | Permalink

    “I will kill you all in your sleep for this indignity.” Or possibly, “Feed me!”

    • Diana MacPherson
      Posted August 22, 2013 at 6:03 pm | Permalink

      I like how those two sentences a diametrically opposed. It’s my belief that cat language would be so nuanced that you could mean the second sentence but very easily speak the first one, all because of a missed meow patterned diphthong.

      • Posted August 23, 2013 at 4:04 am | Permalink

        Read Schrödinger. A cat’s meaow may be a quantum superposition of two diametrically opposite things at the same time.

  16. Diana MacPherson
    Posted August 22, 2013 at 6:03 pm | Permalink

    a=”are”. How did that happen?

    • Paul S
      Posted August 22, 2013 at 6:59 pm | Permalink

      You’re have quite the grammatically challenged day.

  17. Hempenstein
    Posted August 22, 2013 at 9:16 pm | Permalink

    If close counts, my mother had a dog named Ruffles.

  18. Posted August 22, 2013 at 10:37 pm | Permalink

    Completely off topic: I hope Jerry is aware (no pun intended) of this article, and the upcoming book from the author: http://www.aeonmagazine.com/being-human/how-consciousness-works/

    I hope to read your opinion on this one, Jerry!

  19. JBlilie
    Posted August 23, 2013 at 4:32 am | Permalink

    Pet me now, dammit!

  20. MKray
    Posted August 23, 2013 at 4:48 am | Permalink

    Also a bit off-topic… I notice that the mother of the Looney Tune kittens has a yellow arm. Can some biologist tell me if she might be a chimera? The point is that human chimeras exist, and that raises the question as to whether G*d inserted two souls at conception into each of the fusing embryos? Just asking.

    • MKray
      Posted August 23, 2013 at 4:53 am | Permalink

      By `into each of the …’ I meant ‘, one into each of the’.

  21. js
    Posted August 23, 2013 at 1:57 pm | Permalink

    Some years ago in Oz, there was an ad for whiskas (a popular brand of cat food) and in the ad a cat started typing on a computer keyboard ‘I want my whiskas’.
    In a parody on a comedy show soon after, the cat typed out ‘I want my balls back’.


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