Some people have fun on vacation, others pontificate

Don’t expect anything more substantive today; I’m on a deadline. And Deepakity is on safari, which has prompted him to Deep Thoughts:

Screen shot 2014-06-23 at 11.52.02 AM

I wonder what the trees and grass are thinking.

(I cannot help but enter.)

Oh. . . and he’s promoting ESP, too:

Screen shot 2014-06-23 at 11.54.34 AM

78 Comments

  1. Posted June 23, 2014 at 12:58 pm | Permalink

    communicate non-locally with them

    You mean like with phonecalls and emails and tw**ts?

    • Posted June 23, 2014 at 12:58 pm | Permalink

      +1
      You beat me to it.

      • Posted June 23, 2014 at 3:48 pm | Permalink

        My response to this went way down the page. My non local communication is failing miserably.

    • Diana MacPherson
      Posted June 23, 2014 at 4:11 pm | Permalink

      Yeah my first thought as well. I guess I have a deep emotional bind with y’all. I think I must’ve grown emotionally. You have all cured me of commitment issues.

      • Diana MacPherson
        Posted June 23, 2014 at 4:12 pm | Permalink

        Bind =bond. Hmmm I guess I’m not cured.

  2. Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:00 pm | Permalink

    Oh, go ahead Jerry, click that “follow” button…deep down you probably want to!

    • Diana MacPherson
      Posted June 23, 2014 at 4:13 pm | Permalink

      It would be awesome if the only account Jerry followed was Deepak’s. The God twitter account only follows Justin Bieber.

  3. jaxkayaker
    Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:11 pm | Permalink

    I sometimes wish I could bring myself to spout nonsense for big money like Chopra, but I have scruples. I’ll have to stick to teaching biology for small money.

    • Posted June 23, 2014 at 2:17 pm | Permalink

      As Daniel Dennett once remarked to Dawkins on whether he might one day ‘go for’ the Templeton prize: ‘if ever you run into hard times…’.

    • Kevin
      Posted June 23, 2014 at 2:20 pm | Permalink

      It is too bad you or I or anyone else could not personify his specific industry of senselessness.

      Chopra has no protestants. He is a one man religion of Chopranity. If he did have direct competition, the singularity of his fraud campaign would fragment as people would become bored with it, as they do with the latest superstar pop singer who rises to the top only to sink beneath the next superstar pop singer.

      • Posted June 23, 2014 at 3:15 pm | Permalink

        And his devoted followers? Choprites? Deepakians?

        • Les
          Posted June 23, 2014 at 5:41 pm | Permalink

          You know coprolites must have cosmic consciousness too….

          • teacupoftheapocalypse
            Posted June 23, 2014 at 6:56 pm | Permalink

            ‘Chopralites’ it is then.

            • Mark Joseph
              Posted June 23, 2014 at 8:41 pm | Permalink

              And I vote for calling the religion Choprinanity.

    • Torbjörn Larsson, OM
      Posted June 24, 2014 at 1:00 am | Permalink

      That’s because you have a classical conscience, while Deep Pockets has a Quantum Conscience™ of quantum babblers – smallest possible, fluctuating, and only seen when he profits.

      In DPs case maybe it should be spelled Quantum Con$ience.

  4. Merilee
    Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:14 pm | Permalink

    The dung beetles must be ecstatic over all of Deepfried’s spoutings!

  5. steve oberski
    Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:15 pm | Permalink

    If Chopra can non-locally “hear” what I’m thinking right now he is probably feeling pretty uncomfortable.

    • Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:22 pm | Permalink

      Do you share a deep emotional bond with him? If not, he is “less likely” to hear what you are thinking. That’s just science, dude.

      • steve oberski
        Posted June 23, 2014 at 2:15 pm | Permalink

        Well, I tend to feel pretty emotional whenever I read any of his drivelling idiocy.

    • Diana MacPherson
      Posted June 23, 2014 at 4:15 pm | Permalink

      That is where the low empathy of narcissism comes in handy. Yeah, you can’t read body language so well but you also don’t care what anyone else feels so you have no shame.

  6. Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:16 pm | Permalink

    He flings more buzzwords per word written than almost anyone I’ve seen.

    Extended mind!
    Enmeshed!
    Ecosystem of Awareness!!

    P.T. Barnum would be proud.

    When a “theory” explains everything, it explains nothing.

  7. gravityfly
    Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:17 pm | Permalink

    That guy is so full of shit!

    • darrelle
      Posted June 23, 2014 at 2:07 pm | Permalink

      He is a prolific polluter of the net, and the entire memosphere. People like him are why 90% of everything is shit.

      • Diana MacPherson
        Posted June 23, 2014 at 4:16 pm | Permalink

        I don’t always spout shit, but when I do, it causes 90% of the shittiness on the internet.

    • Posted June 23, 2014 at 2:19 pm | Permalink

      Normally I like to be an optimist and say that he is ‘half full of shit’.

      • Posted June 23, 2014 at 2:22 pm | Permalink

        It’s entangled quantum shit. It’s both in the Chopra and over everything else — simultaneously!

        b&

        • darrelle
          Posted June 23, 2014 at 7:26 pm | Permalink

          Nice!

        • john frum
          Posted June 24, 2014 at 6:39 am | Permalink

          Oh great, now I’m covered in Chite.

      • Diane G.
        Posted June 23, 2014 at 2:35 pm | Permalink

        The other half being “emptiness.”

        • Posted June 23, 2014 at 2:44 pm | Permalink

          Nothing nearly so sanitary, I’m afraid….

          b&

  8. Jesper Both Pedersen
    Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:19 pm | Permalink

    I wonder what the trees and grass are thinking.

    Tree: Hello Grass.
    Grass: Hi Tree.
    Tree: What’s new?
    Grass: Not much, doing a bit of photosynthesis. How about you?
    Tree: Same ol’ same ol’.
    Grass: Alright, see you at lunch.
    Tree: Sure thing, catch you later.

    Chopra: Organisms are merely #CosmicConsciousness expressing itself in the manifistation of future selves. Being is organic awareness.#Serengetisessions

    Plant & Tree: Who’s the idiot with the Iphone?

    • William G
      Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:56 pm | Permalink

      Lioness: I haven’t eaten in three days. If I don’t kill that zebra over there, my cubs and I are going to starve.

      Zebra: I can hear your thoughts you know! We’re enmeshed in the same universal awareness field, dummy! Eat my dust!

      Lioness: Oh no! That’s why no predator has ever been able to sneak up on prey, ever! Curse the extended mind!

      [With a feeble roar, Lioness damns the self-regulating ecosystem of awareness before collapsing over the emaciated remains of its children. Deepak Chopra drives past]

      Chopra: *tweets* “Lion carcasses prove the subjective nature of understanding is the condensation of quantum oneness #CosmicConsciousness #YOLO”

  9. Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:19 pm | Permalink

    “If you share a deep emotional bond with someone, you are more likely to communicate non-locally with them.”

    1. “More likely than what?”
    2. Do you have any evidence to support this assertion?
    3. What exactly does “communicate non-locally” mean?
    4. What constitutes a “deep emotional bond?”

    Chopra continues to demonstrate that he is an amateur when it comes to science. He says (or tweets) words, but as the saying goes…I do not think they mean what he thinks they mean.

    • R. Dale Caldwell
      Posted June 23, 2014 at 2:55 pm | Permalink

      I speak/communicate with my siblings at least weekly and with my children and grandchildren almost every day by telephone and through e-mail or FaceBook. My 3 siblings and I are in Florida, Mississippi, Tennesee and Michigan (USA). That gives me 3 out of 4; don’t understand the “more likely” as it has no referent. Deepak’s tw**ts could almost be random polysyllabic words strung together to make poorly constructed sentences.

    • Posted June 23, 2014 at 3:37 pm | Permalink

      Communicate non-locally = spooky Deepakction-at-a-distance.

      • Posted June 23, 2014 at 7:42 pm | Permalink

        Spooky deepaction, I like that. Maybe we should all start calling him “Spooky” for short.

        • ah58
          Posted June 24, 2014 at 5:01 am | Permalink

          Spooky deepaction? Is that what the holy ghost had with Mary when they made little Jesus??

    • Posted June 24, 2014 at 5:21 am | Permalink

      Yeah, if you like someone, you’ll probably phone them. Wait, that doesn’t sound like a deepity! I need to bollox it up a bit before publishing!

  10. GBJames
    Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:20 pm | Permalink

    You know, I’ve been on the Serengeti and watched life. I have no memory of having experienced any extended mind, though. Maybe because my visit was before Twitter existed?

    • Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:33 pm | Permalink

      Maybe he’s been reading Dawkins’s Extended Phenotype and got very, very confused.

  11. Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:32 pm | Permalink

    I feel our minds are just this close to cosmic quantum enmeshticity, Deepak. Keep emanating your vital spirituality, my brother, I am receiving.

    Bonding with you,
    Gary Busey

  12. William G
    Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:33 pm | Permalink

    This is going to sound patronizing and dismissive, but I really do feel sorry for Chopra when I read this crap. Has he ever written or said anything that wasn’t pompous charlatanry or petulant sniping at his critics?

    He’s not a cynic; the fact that he does this even when he’s on vacation in one of the most beautiful places on Earth suggests that he is high on his own supply. Nothing on that savanna will bring him any more than his default smug satisfaction. Nothing he sees out there will give him a quantum epiphany that he couldn’t have had at home. What’s he doing out there? How can this make him happy?

    Say a prayer for the saddest guru.

    • GBJames
      Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:39 pm | Permalink

      I can’t feel sorry for someone who makes millions bilking credulous people.

      • teacupoftheapocalypse
        Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:54 pm | Permalink

        Were it not for him being the very worst of con men, he’d be good light entertainment. Probably on the live improv circuit.

    • Diana MacPherson
      Posted June 23, 2014 at 4:20 pm | Permalink

      I feel sorry for him too but that’s just empathy. Narcissists constantly do things normal people would find embarrassing and when you’re around them when they do these things, you get to feel embarrassed for them. Don’t worry, they totally won’t feel what you’re feeling.

      • William G
        Posted June 23, 2014 at 7:37 pm | Permalink

        I don’t feel bad for him because he’s making a fool of himself, but because he’s trapped in a web of his own bullshit and can’t escape. He can’t experience or enjoy anything without attaching quantum mysticism to it.

        His “awareness fields” or whathaveyou are monistic and omnipresent, so he has to see them everywhere. If he ever for even a second didn’t, he’d have to admit error, and Chopra’s too self-serious and narcissistic to allow that.

        He’s a prisoner, albeit a rich and willing prisoner.

        • Posted June 23, 2014 at 9:37 pm | Permalink

          Hmm.

          I think he’s doing it because he knows his fans want it.

          There are rubes to be robbed, and time is money, donchaknow?

          • Torbjörn Larsson, OM
            Posted June 24, 2014 at 1:24 am | Permalink

            Agreed, since that was in an aside of mine a few days back, so great minds and all. Inasmuch one can go from ‘statistics’ to predict individual behavior this is what I ended up with.

            Netiquette, when forced to predict on individuals* go for the simplest predictions, the man makes money.

            Anywhere else I say narcissism, since money wouldn’t be a driver. (Except I read last week that tests show narcissists do better specifically in job interviews. A sad fact on us, but useful as I now have a role model, real narcissist or emulating narcissists, for next time! =D)

            *Ironic dodge here, when we are discussing narcissists and their seeming lack of understanding body language. =D

  13. alexandra
    Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:35 pm | Permalink

    Infatuation With Own Words Department.

    ( That used to be a great fun bottom of the page item in the New Yorker – rarely seen now, if ever).

    Perfectly describes His Holy Conscious Awareness

  14. Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:41 pm | Permalink

    Since Chopra is a touchy/feely type, the plant life probably are saying to each other:

    Pass the auxin, PUHLEESE!

  15. Posted June 23, 2014 at 1:42 pm | Permalink

    I am starting to wonder if he is just a charlatan like Uri Gelller or actually mentally ill, like David Icke. Its actually becomming uncomfortable to laugh at him

  16. Michael5MacKay
    Posted June 23, 2014 at 2:30 pm | Permalink

    In his second tweet, Chopra makes a claim that is eligible for Randi’s million dollar prize – i.e. that people can communicate non-locally, which I believe is a paranormal claim hitherto unproven by science.

    Given his recent challenge to skeptics, he should put his mouth where the money is, and apply for it. But he won’t.

  17. The Moother
    Posted June 23, 2014 at 2:33 pm | Permalink

    We need to hijack his twitter tags.

    If any of you have friends that are popular, let’s get this thing moving.

    (I live in my parents’ basement so no friends.)

  18. Alan Jenkins
    Posted June 23, 2014 at 2:36 pm | Permalink

    Deepak makes Jack Handy sound like a genius.

    • Diana MacPherson
      Posted June 23, 2014 at 4:21 pm | Permalink

      I love Jack Handy. I have a Jack Handy book from the 90s.

  19. Jesper Both Pedersen
    Posted June 23, 2014 at 2:50 pm | Permalink

    Alright guys’n gals, here’s a small Turing test:

    “We exist in each others mind where there is no separation in space or time.Physical separation is projected illusion #CosmicConsciousness”.

    Real or generated?

    • Posted June 23, 2014 at 2:54 pm | Permalink

      Magic Eight-Ball says: “Outlook not so good.”

      Smart ball! I should see what it thinks of PowerPoint….

      b&

      • Mark Joseph
        Posted June 23, 2014 at 8:45 pm | Permalink

        Ben:

        My Word, but you really Excel at this sort of thing…

        • Posted June 24, 2014 at 12:26 pm | Permalink

          I could see this Exchange running for a while….

          b&

          • teacupoftheapocalypse
            Posted June 24, 2014 at 12:29 pm | Permalink

            Oh my Word!

    • Mark Joseph
      Posted June 23, 2014 at 8:47 pm | Permalink

      Real.

      A generated one would have put the space after the first period, and closed the quote with a period and quotation marks.

      • Jesper Both Pedersen
        Posted June 24, 2014 at 12:13 am | Permalink

        We have a winner! :-)

  20. moarscienceplz
    Posted June 23, 2014 at 3:27 pm | Permalink

    If we try real hard, can we communicate with the extended mind of the lions?
    *Spare the gazelles – eat the woomeister instead*
    *Spare the gazelles – eat the woomeister instead*

  21. Posted June 23, 2014 at 3:40 pm | Permalink

    Always make sure you have a fixed rate international plan if you need to communicate non-locally often.

  22. Posted June 23, 2014 at 3:45 pm | Permalink

    Woops, my comment was nearly the same and then I scrolled all the way up and saw this. We must all share some deep emotional bond.

  23. Posted June 23, 2014 at 6:18 pm | Permalink

    Hilarious how he projects onto the world around him and uses buzzwords to support his fantasies.

  24. Posted June 23, 2014 at 6:37 pm | Permalink

    J. H. Christ! Why doesn’t Deepity go mind-meld with a hippo or something?!

  25. Observer
    Posted June 23, 2014 at 7:05 pm | Permalink

    The gazelles are thinking, “Holy s**t, a lion!” And later “F**k, those fangs hurt!” Ah, the elegance of the “ecosystem of awareness.”

  26. grasshopper
    Posted June 24, 2014 at 1:32 am | Permalink

    Imagine that Deepak, with his penchant for boxes, finds himself replacing Schrodinger’s cat in a quantum-state experiment.

    Also imagine that instead of a device which could by chance make him dead or not-dead, there is a device which will release a
    homeopathic cure for the propensity to utter new-age word salad. Normally we will not establish whether or not he is cured
    until we open the box, but I suspect that whether the homeopathic cure is released or not, when we open the box Deepak will
    always be spouting drivel, thereby violating Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle.

    • Jesper Both Pedersen
      Posted June 24, 2014 at 1:49 am | Permalink

      Furthermore the Hawthorne effect may or may not apply to the subject obfuscating analysis of the data.

      We simply cannot conclude where Deepak ends and Chopra begins without disrupting the system.

  27. Posted June 24, 2014 at 1:49 am | Permalink

    Deepak is channelling Fred Fisher….

    Why do you whisper, green grass?
    Why tell the trees what ain’t so?
    Whispering grass, the trees don’t have to know,
    No, no.

  28. Mal
    Posted June 24, 2014 at 3:24 am | Permalink

    //

  29. john frum
    Posted June 24, 2014 at 6:49 am | Permalink

    In the unfailing words of Father Jack Hackett, ‘gobshite’.

  30. Posted June 24, 2014 at 7:00 am | Permalink

    Dammit I just now thought of this zinger:

    “Considering where his head usually is, I think he’s mistaken ‘extended mind’ for ‘extended colon’. This would also explain why he’s so full of shit.”

    • Diana MacPherson
      Posted June 24, 2014 at 7:25 am | Permalink

      L’esprit de l’escalier strikes again!

  31. Mobius
    Posted June 24, 2014 at 8:20 am | Permalink

    …ecosystem of awareness…

    ???

    That sounds so much like Chopra. Sciency sounding words strung together, it could almost have been written by the Random Deepak Chopra Quote Generator.

  32. Pthalomarie
    Posted June 24, 2014 at 11:35 pm | Permalink

    While Chopra’s musings are silly, plants do “talk” to each other via chemical secretions. Here’s an article that explains how:

    http://www.npr.org/blogs/krulwich/2014/04/29/307981803/plants-talk-plants-listen-here-s-how


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