Finalists: Cat confession contest

On the sidebar of this page, or at this link, you’ll find all of the many entries to the “Cat Confession Contest,” in which readers were invited to submit a photograph of their moggie and a written confession by the cat of some foul deed. If you haven’t looked at the entries, go see them all—they’re all clever, and all true.

It was a very tough job picking the finalists, but our group of anonymous judges—the “Cat Angels”—has selected seven entries for Finalist status. One of these (or more, if Professor Ceiling Cat is feeling especially beneficent) will receive an autographed copy of WEIT with a cat hand-drawn to the winner’s specifications.

So, without further ado, here are the winners (and the owners’ accompanying descriptions).

The final decision belongs to the judges, but we are not above being swayed by eloquent arguments. Pick your favorite in the comments below. Oh, and click photos to enlarge (Tulsi is hard to read).

For all those entries who didn’t make the finals, my apologies; but many people got chuckles from your cat’s confession.

1. Hugo

Reader Isabelle writes us:

Hugo hung himself in the vertical blind cord when he jumped from the windowsill. The noise he made was the reason I quickly found him in his predicament. Good thing I was home; I don’t want to think about what shape he’d be in if he had been like this for hours. And yes, the cords have since been shortened so it doesn’t happen again.

photo

And the confession itself:

hugophoto

2. Theo

Gethyn and Laurie send us Theo’s confession:

Theophoto

3. Butter

Reader Stephen confesses:

I was compelled to formulate Butter’s sign of shame as a haiku.

ButterShame (Large)

4. Mayhem

Thaddeus reveals all about his evil cat Mayhem:

Mayhem is notorious in the neighbourhood for breaking into people’s houses. I know of at least 5 houses in the area that he will just let himself into. One neighbour has such a problem with him that I am purchasing an electronic cat door to let his cats in and out and keep Mayhem out. Mayhem has also killed and at least part eaten: 2 guinea pigs, 2 hamsters, and a rabbit.

shaming-mayhem (Large)

5. Tulsi:

Reader Andrea went to enormous trouble to obtain permission for a photo shoot with her polydactylous Tulsi, and had to create an elaborate set-up complete with stand-in after Her Royal Highness refused to pose further.

IMG_1082

And the stand-in for this photo-shoot:

IMG_1097

6. Ginger Bravo

Reader Nicole sent us her cat’s confession:

 My cat’s name is Ginger Bravo and his desire to obtain new chew toys forces us to keep all loaves of bread safely ensconced in a cabinet or risk having spent $5 to entertain him for five minutes.

IMG_0480

7. Fletcher

Reader Anne sends us Fletcher:

Fletcher

56 Comments

  1. Posted February 24, 2014 at 5:49 am | Permalink

    Reblogged this on Thad is NOT food and commented:
    My cat Mayhem is a finalist :)

    • gravelinspector-Aidan
      Posted February 25, 2014 at 12:08 am | Permalink

      Mayhem is behaving like a perfectly normal cat. That he has a very natural coat colouration and the decidedly “scrawny” build of most warm-climate cats suggests that his gene line is not far derived from the ancestral middle eastern moggie, terror of Syrian hamsters, devourer of bunnies, and only kept from de-pigging Guinea by the Atlantic Ocean.
      Mayhem, you’re a natural.

      • Posted February 25, 2014 at 3:51 am | Permalink

        I would just like to point out that at no time Mayhem has been ashamed about eating people’s pets. I think he takes pride in eating caged animals.

        • gravelinspector-Aidan
          Posted February 25, 2014 at 4:02 am | Permalink

          Take him to the zoo. See if he sees the lions as a threat or a challenge.

          • Posted February 25, 2014 at 4:05 am | Permalink

            I’m sure he would fit right in. He feels that he is more powerful than a German Shepard D-g

          • Diana MacPherson
            Posted February 25, 2014 at 6:45 am | Permalink

            This may reveal that Mayhem is part honey badger!

        • ammasbhavya
          Posted February 25, 2014 at 6:01 am | Permalink

          Mayhem is hilarious and he looks the part — his photo clearly shows he has little time for photo-ops and is planning his next ‘excursion’ — “Hmm… I believe there is a tasty morsel or two a few doors down. Thad will be pleased. As far as the electric gizmo — I will find a way…”

          • Posted February 25, 2014 at 11:23 am | Permalink

            We gave him his flea treatment today and he actually sulked at us today. It was kind of funny.

  2. Posted February 24, 2014 at 6:04 am | Permalink

    Only Ceiling Cat decides if they can haz absolution.

  3. smartbean
    Posted February 24, 2014 at 6:06 am | Permalink

    Except for the last one, the photography is absolutely dismal! Isn’t the last one disqualified by the fact that the cat expresses shame?

    • Posted February 24, 2014 at 6:11 am | Permalink

      I don’t know what you’re talking about vis-a-vis the photography, but you’re wrong. And your comment is simply rude. Apologize or leave.

      • smartbean
        Posted February 24, 2014 at 6:33 am | Permalink

        The photographs are a catalog of errors: blurry, underexposed, obvious use of flash, eyes not visible, shot from overhead, etc. So your comment on my comment is simply self-delusion. Please ban me from your web site.

        • Posted February 24, 2014 at 6:49 am | Permalink

          This, my friends, is an example of someone who is simply a jerk and, under the cover of pseudonymity, asserts his superiority on a nice thread. His suggestion has been taken, but this is a model of how NOT to act. Sadly, “smartbean” will think that his behavior is fine, and such people belong on other sites.

          • stephen
            Posted February 24, 2014 at 7:21 am | Permalink

            Dear Jerry ,thank you for dealing summarily with “smartbean”,I agree with your comments and cannot understand how people can be like that. Anyway, what I want to know is why hasn’t the cat who watched a mouse eat his/her food and did nothing made the cut? Was it a fake?

            • Posted February 24, 2014 at 7:33 am | Permalink

              No, that was a good one, but it wasn’t by a reader. I took it off the internet as an example of what readers should submit.

          • Posted February 24, 2014 at 9:48 am | Permalink

            Well, perhaps his comments would have been relevant had this contest been a photography one. He’s more a garbanzo bean than a smart bean. Nicely handled, Jerry!

  4. Posted February 24, 2014 at 6:27 am | Permalink

    *Cough!*Mayhem*Cough!Cough!*

    • eric
      Posted February 24, 2014 at 8:13 am | Permalink

      Seconded!

      Though my amusement with Mayhem may be due to our cat having a somewhat related behavior. She goes outside, catches field mice, then brings them back to the house (alive, in her mouth) to play with.

      Cheeky devils!!!

      • Posted February 25, 2014 at 3:57 am | Permalink

        On Saturday I was heading out to pick up my daughter from work and Mayhem came up to me with a dead field mouse trying to get into the house. He dropped the dead mouse at my feet and looked ultimately proud of himself.

        • ammasbhavya
          Posted February 25, 2014 at 6:12 am | Permalink

          The first time I was delivered a mouse pressie I screamed my head off. Poor Bastet (very wee and poised, all black save for a little white bikini) — she looked up at me, eyes turned into large dark pools, so startled she ran to the other side of the deck. Realizing what I had done I couldn’t apologize enough and thanked her profusely. I was able to contain myself a bit with future surprises.

          One of the dogs brought back an otter from the stream an acre or so away and presented it to me on the back steps. Steppin’ it up here a bit ;-)

        • Posted February 25, 2014 at 12:37 pm | Permalink

          Our cats used to bring home peace offerings to the d*gs. That’s was probably their way of winning safe passage back into the house.

    • David Duncan
      Posted February 24, 2014 at 8:42 am | Permalink

      I agree: Mayhem. Breaking into other people’s houses and killing their pets is beyond the pale.

    • Amelia Schuler
      Posted February 24, 2014 at 11:25 am | Permalink

      They’re all wonderfully mischievous, but I have to say I had to read Mayhem’s shameless confession twice.

    • Posted February 25, 2014 at 3:56 am | Permalink

      Mayhem says “bvx ,md kkfrtkfr” as he walked across my keyboard.

      Thanks for the votes :)

      • ammasbhavya
        Posted February 25, 2014 at 6:19 am | Permalink

        Mayhem gets our vote too but Tulsi and I are voting for everyone. It’s really, really hard! I don’t envy the task of the Cat Angels.

        I forgot to mention, I had Bagheera (all black), who would visit my neighbour two doors down but he just hunkered down with her little girl and the Pomeranian (a nice mellow one). When he wasn’t with them he’d just walk all about the house and eventually return home — didn’t bring me pressies.

  5. Kevin
    Posted February 24, 2014 at 6:38 am | Permalink

    Butter

    • ammasbhavya
      Posted February 25, 2014 at 6:30 am | Permalink

      Tulsi and I are voting for Butter too. We love the Haiku and his “Winston Churchill” expression. How lovely he does unvelveted ‘happy feet’ on Stephen’s head — it’s a sign of love. And, “Feed me NOW!” ;-)

      We had a cream point Himi — Emile. He was the cheese monster. He smelled pizza the moment he heard us call the order in. Our large extra cheesy pizza was just delivered, placed on the buffet. As we were getting things ready we heared a scuffle/boom. Turned round to find the ‘za box on the floor, still face up with Emile under the now opened lid, inside eating the cheese — his paws and face full of oil and tomato sauce.

  6. Posted February 24, 2014 at 6:42 am | Permalink

    I like Butter’s dignified pose and serene expression. Theo is sweet but his photo leaves me wanting to know the color of his eyes.

    I don’t really have a favorite. The cats are all cute.

    • Posted February 24, 2014 at 9:49 am | Permalink

      Theo’s eyes are yellow. He’s hanging his head in shame, the poor dab!

      • Steve Gerrard
        Posted February 25, 2014 at 12:28 am | Permalink

        I go with Theo, because he drinks coffee.

        • ammasbhavya
          Posted February 25, 2014 at 6:37 am | Permalink

          We have a vote on for Theo — the head of shame is spot on. He’s obviously just had his coffee and is waiting for you to find the plastic that show his wee teeth marks — assuming when he licks the plastic he gets excited and does a bit of a nibble. And he has a great name, suits him perfectly. I wonder if Theo would like more cream in his coffee…

        • Diana MacPherson
          Posted February 25, 2014 at 6:37 am | Permalink

          Yeah, I think Theo is a close tie with Fletcher just because of the coffee too.

  7. Diana MacPherson
    Posted February 24, 2014 at 7:43 am | Permalink

    I like Fletcher because the crime is intricate. It involves not just stealing bit scattering and it is done more than once per episode indicating dedication to a lack of remorse.

    • ammasbhavya
      Posted February 25, 2014 at 6:48 am | Permalink

      Fletcher himself is intricate — just look at that expression. He has both the look of remorse with shame and lack of remorse with pride. A fine example of survival. However I agree Diana, I believe he is not remorseful at all. Scattering the knickers is one thing but howling about it enough to wake everyone up — that’s the epitome of mischief and pride. I’m afraid no amount of counseling will put an end to this behaviour. I would caution Anne — Fletcher is bound to start doing this during waking hours when you have guests over — don’t be surprised to find a pair of knickers atop the kettle!

  8. Posted February 24, 2014 at 7:52 am | Permalink

    Though I adore Mayhem and always will, my vote is for Fletcher as that photo has a bit of everything: a feline good looker if there ever was one, humor, edginess, and clever alliteration. :-)

  9. still learning
    Posted February 24, 2014 at 8:04 am | Permalink

    sub

    • Diane G.
      Posted February 24, 2014 at 2:34 pm | Permalink

      //

  10. Posted February 24, 2014 at 8:08 am | Permalink

    Mayhem. E-e-v-i-l personified, and talk about name branding! Handlers fault too, surely. :)

    • Posted February 24, 2014 at 5:49 pm | Permalink

      *handler’s*

    • Posted February 25, 2014 at 11:25 am | Permalink

      We have often regretted naming him Mayhem, we think we encouraged him too much.

      • Posted February 25, 2014 at 12:29 pm | Permalink

        It’s a *great* story, Thaddeus, and a wonderful photo to boot! That face… he can’t help himself (or maybe he did, too much ;)).

        Just like how a guy can be a man’s man, Mayhem sounds like a cat’s cat. :D Born to be w-i-l-d…..

  11. Posted February 24, 2014 at 8:21 am | Permalink

    All of the above would be the most obvious choice….

    b&

  12. SA Gould
    Posted February 24, 2014 at 8:21 am | Permalink

    Tulsi. Like a cat that make the owner sign a waiver to photograph!

    • ammasbhavya
      Posted February 25, 2014 at 6:53 am | Permalink

      Squee! Thank you!

      I’ve come to realize, in this house I don’t run the show although the furry ones allow me to think so.

      Honestly, there are times I find myself in some muck and it suddenly dawns on me and I call out, “Just who’s the boss here?!!”… They figured me out a long time ago.

  13. Posted February 24, 2014 at 9:43 am | Permalink

    My Theo is there; but Mayhem! My oh my! I love the wordsmithery Mayhem’s confession. Genius.

    They’re all winners, really. GOOD CATS FOR BEING BAD CATS! ^ * ^

    And ALL the photography is wonderful!

  14. Kevin Alexander
    Posted February 24, 2014 at 10:22 am | Permalink

    Tulsi looks like someone who would eat someone else’s pets.
    My Casper has long since used up his nine so I couldn’t enter his picture but his confession would go:
    .My manservant went to his day job and locked me in the bedroom so I couldn’t reach the litter box. Gotta peeeee.. but Where?
    a)Bare floor?
    b)Cheap throw rug?
    c)Hamper of dirty laundry?
    d)$400 goose down duvet?

    If you’re laughing, you know which one I picked.

    • ammasbhavya
      Posted February 25, 2014 at 7:12 am | Permalink

      Ha ha, of course we know Casper! Only the most prized (and expensive), article will do. “I’ll show my manservant, hurum hurum… let’s see, ah ha! that comfy goose down duvet, very inviting and it’ll hold my scent and grab his attention. Can’t wait until he gets home. Purr purr…” Contented Casper… Bet the manservant did a headcount after that.

      They always know what bits are of value don’t they? Tulsi occasionally looks at me as though she could eat something warm and squeaky but since she’s an indoor cat chooses to find something to bring to the dogs who will then determine whether it’s worthy of being chewed. It’s usually something brand new and typically pricey found on sale. If that fails, she’ll find something of equal value to pee in/on. Like Casper, she doesn’t hold back and makes her statement (albeit sometimes a mystery) loud and clear ;-)

  15. Ben S.
    Posted February 24, 2014 at 12:19 pm | Permalink

    I vote for fletcher. A cat that steals panties? What a scoundral (and yet, the school boy in me can’t stop snickering)!

  16. Trophy
    Posted February 24, 2014 at 12:52 pm | Permalink

    Fletcher is so gorgeous. I want a cat like that!

  17. ammasbhavya
    Posted February 24, 2014 at 6:30 pm | Permalink

    Miaowsqueee! Miaowsqueee! Time for kippers and beef tea!

    Tulsi here (grey moggie polydactyl), typing for Andrea. She doesn’t own a right or left-handed mouse — just a flat middle mouse which causes the screen to behave oddly when I swipe or splat it with my elegant mitted paws so I hope this works. Does Hili has this flattened out mouse?

    I wanted to purrsonally thank the hard-working Cat Angels for considering me as a finalist in the contest. I’m so chuffed I did a *happy dance* when no one was looking. This was a challenging contest and although I’m adorable, wee, and quite naughty (oy — you should’ve seen what I did today!), it’s obvious the competition is tough — we’re all equally shameless rogues and we should talk — I could learn a thing or two ;-)

    My human laughed every time she looked at all the entries — and I did a flehmen response (closest I could get to smiling), along with swooshy tail, serious purring, and my bum in her face just so she’d recognize my scent to avoid confusing me with the other of my kind in the house. I was delighted and impressed to see all the other moggies behaving in the most dignified and cheeky manner — apparently what humans refer to as ‘foul deeds’. Ha! Foul indeed. Rather, they are noble and exceptional deeds well worth emulating. I propose we write a book of our brilliant contributions to life with Humans with Hili as our editor.

    Meanwhile, how can we persuade Professor Ceiling Cat to feel especially beneficent, ie we all win ;-) My human is reading the “Library Book” edition of WEIT right now but needs her own copy to devour. She’s a lifelong bookbug — books are her food. I suggest we all set a time when our humans are out and simultaneously Skype PCC and just purr as loudly as we can, look at him with our big innocent eyes, wee noses, and whiskers as wide as our bodies. The occasional yawn that’s bigger than our heads wouldn’t go amiss. We also must use Google Nose so he can smell our paws which of course have the scent of buttered popcorn — PCC can’t possibly resist us ;-) He’ll just melt into beneficence.

    Cheers to all fellow teammates and finalists. This was great fun. And all paws crossed fellow moggies! Meanwhile, enjoy the contemplations of your next creative and noble deed. Make it spectacular!

  18. gravelinspector-Aidan
    Posted February 25, 2014 at 12:16 am | Permalink

    Hugo is a lucky cat. We had a flurry (if that’s the right word) of toddlers strangling themselves in blind cords like this a few years ago. Cue … some regulation changes in how cords must be tangled in the box which … I’m not quite sure what effect it’d have.

  19. ammasbhavya
    Posted February 25, 2014 at 7:27 am | Permalink

    Hugo gets our vote as well. It takes much thought, creativity, acrobatic skill, and flexibility to safely pull off ‘The Vertical Blind Presentation’. You didn’t really think Hugo was in trouble now did you. He just wanted you to think that. It’s great you were able to get a photo of him before that aspect of his career ended. Just know Hugo is has an eye out for furthering his career.

    Eight to go — that little stinker!

  20. ammasbhavya
    Posted February 25, 2014 at 7:42 am | Permalink

    One more vote here from Tulsi and Andrea.

    GingerBravo — now look, no plushy and cuddly bedding is going to mask that look of guilt which you think your hiding with your bowed head (no, that’s not saying you’re sorry!). We know you’re trying to cover up a cheeky grin.

    Well for the record, we think stealing the artisan sourdough was brilliant. Slowly dragging it out of the bag, nibbling it for testing purposes, and then wham! batting it about, more nibbling, pouncing about, and more nibbles. That must have been a very ferocious artisan sourdough! Too bad the newcomers are carefully locked away now but what you can do is watch the humans as they prepare dinner and as soon as a slice of ferocious artisan bread appears on the plate — go for it. Come up to the human with that ‘kitten-like’ face, wiggle your ears like PCC, and then wait for the “Aww sweetie, did you come for a bit of mooshy?” and then just grab that ferocious artisan and run! It’s quite simple once you get the hang of it. Just don’t let Nicole see this comment.

  21. kennardone
    Posted February 25, 2014 at 8:17 am | Permalink

    Since I do, and always have, favored the canine over the feline species, I am forced to vote for the first cat, Hugo.

    Hugo now has a mere eight lives, one less fore me to worry about.

    Cheers!

  22. Posted February 25, 2014 at 5:40 pm | Permalink

    Butter is very huggable. So fluffy and squishy!

    I like them all.

  23. A Andrea "Bhavya" Heiny
    Posted March 10, 2014 at 4:40 am | Permalink

    Happy Cat Confessions Day for all the finalists (including my Tulsi). Should have thought to take a photo of her toes! She’s quite dainty despite having mitts. My comments are being moderated I think (hope), because I changed my profile to meet Da Roolz (full name). So everyone may get this after the winner(s)are announced but a big congratulations to all. Beetling off for now…

    ~Bhavya


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