Religious humor

I’ve finally collected enough of these to post. The first is about as succinct a summary of Christianity as I’ve seen:

Salvation for dummies

A reader whose name I forgot (sorry!) sent me this photo, and I’ve added the caption:

Screen shot 2014-01-10 at 7.45.50 AM

And I love this one, also sent by a reader whose name escapes me:

image001

h/t: The readers whose names I’ve lost

57 Comments

  1. @eightyc
    Posted January 10, 2014 at 11:34 am | Permalink

    These are what the Atheism billboards should be!!!

  2. Posted January 10, 2014 at 11:36 am | Permalink

    I always have time to talk with cats about Ceiling Cat!

    …but Baihu will likely object….

    b&

  3. Posted January 10, 2014 at 11:37 am | Permalink

    Love the kitty knocking at the door with caption!

    • darrelle
      Posted January 10, 2014 at 1:54 pm | Permalink

      Ohhh! You haz noms?!?!

      Wat waz talking about?

  4. gbjames
    Posted January 10, 2014 at 11:40 am | Permalink

    Subscribing so I don’t miss the inevitable jokes.

  5. merilee
    Posted January 10, 2014 at 11:42 am | Permalink

    me, too

  6. Kevin
    Posted January 10, 2014 at 11:47 am | Permalink

    WWJD? He wouldn’t drive a car, he would take his burro. So where is your burro?
    [Caption of pic with Xian in the driver's seat looking perplexed.]

    • Posted January 10, 2014 at 11:53 am | Permalink

      …rocket-propelled taco de harina? Now that I’d pay to see!

      b&

      • merilee
        Posted January 10, 2014 at 11:56 am | Permalink

        or a baby burro: burrito?

        • Posted January 10, 2014 at 12:07 pm | Permalink

          Yes, exactly.

          …which is where the rocket propulsion comes into play, of course….

          b&

          • Torbjörn Larsson, OM
            Posted January 10, 2014 at 1:25 pm | Permalink

            Oh, corn-ey jokes.

            • Posted January 10, 2014 at 1:34 pm | Permalink

              And hole-y, too. One might even suggest corny holy jokes, in this example.

              b&

              • darrelle
                Posted January 10, 2014 at 1:56 pm | Permalink

                Crisco!

                Blame Zappa, not me. I was young and impressionable.

              • Posted January 10, 2014 at 2:23 pm | Permalink

                And he apparently made quite the…ah…impression!

                b&

              • Torbjörn Larsson, OM
                Posted January 10, 2014 at 2:24 pm | Permalink

                “He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his jokes with him.”

              • Posted January 10, 2014 at 2:29 pm | Permalink

                Curiously enough, the original is actually a bit…risque…even if unintentionally so.

                b&

  7. Posted January 10, 2014 at 12:05 pm | Permalink

    Does someone want jokes? Well here are some:
    From Christian school and church road signs:

    “We put the fun in fundamentalist dogma.”

    “Staying in bed shouting ‘Oh God!’ does not constitute going to church!”

    “Reason is the greatest enemy that faith has”

    “Stupidity got us into this mess, why can’t it get us out?”

    • Mark Joseph
      Posted January 10, 2014 at 4:32 pm | Permalink

      Your second one is awesome; your third was cribbed from Martin Luther! Your last pretty much sums up American politics, as well as much of religion.

      • Posted January 10, 2014 at 6:45 pm | Permalink

        And they are all real. The last one I saw in Flagstaff, AZ many years ago. About ran off the road.

        • Posted January 10, 2014 at 6:51 pm | Permalink

          Just one of the many ways to get your kicks on Route 66!

          b&

  8. Jim Thomerson
    Posted January 10, 2014 at 12:23 pm | Permalink

    How did they know the guy in the field is Jesus? He could just as well have been Juan or Pablo.

    • Posted January 10, 2014 at 12:38 pm | Permalink

      A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

      Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

      Cheers,

      b&

      • D. Taylor
        Posted January 10, 2014 at 1:04 pm | Permalink

        Did not see it coming. LOL!

        • Torbjörn Larsson, OM
          Posted January 10, 2014 at 2:29 pm | Permalink

          I don’t understand twin jokes. Especially here: shouldn’t there be a 2nd coming!?

          • Posted January 10, 2014 at 2:46 pm | Permalink

            Only for Jesus, and he needs a pill to make that happen.

            Cheers,

            b&

      • Posted January 10, 2014 at 4:25 pm | Permalink

        This

        …is a funny joke.

        • Diane G.
          Posted January 10, 2014 at 9:02 pm | Permalink

          LOL @ both of you!

      • Lurker111
        Posted January 11, 2014 at 7:41 am | Permalink

        THAT was a great joke. I’m stealing it.

  9. cruzrad
    Posted January 10, 2014 at 12:24 pm | Permalink

    Mrs. Betty Bowers (author of Salvation for Dummies, above), aka America’s Best Christian, has a series of hilarious vids on YouTube.

  10. Richard Olson
    Posted January 10, 2014 at 12:42 pm | Permalink

    $ub

    • francis
      Posted January 10, 2014 at 1:20 pm | Permalink

      //

  11. Alektorophile
    Posted January 10, 2014 at 1:28 pm | Permalink

    I love the Jesus one! Would make for a great billboard. It wouldn’t work for Europe, however. Perhaps with Mohammed instead of Jesus, given the many North African immigrants working in Italian and Spanish fields picking a large part of the continent’s produce?

    • Sastra
      Posted January 10, 2014 at 1:56 pm | Permalink

      I had this one in my files:

      Many times when Bill is troubled or confused, he finds comfort in sitting in his back yard and having a vodka and cranberry along with a quiet conversation with Jesus. This happened to him again after a particularly difficult day.

      Bill said ‘Jesus, why do I work so hard?’

      He heard the reply: ‘Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather.’

      Bill said: ‘I thought that money was the root of all evil.’

      The reply was: ‘No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad’.

      Bill was starting to feel better, but he still had that one burning question, so he asked it. ‘Jesus,’ I said, ‘What is the meaning of life? Why am I here?’

      Jesus replied: ‘That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, Senor, but for now, I have to finish your lawn.’

      • infiniteimprobabilit
        Posted January 11, 2014 at 1:51 am | Permalink

        NICE twist in the last line! :)

      • Posted January 11, 2014 at 5:26 am | Permalink

        HeySeuss lives!

  12. Posted January 10, 2014 at 2:04 pm | Permalink

    The first one does sum it up rather well… the world’s oldest protection racket.

  13. DiscoveredJoys
    Posted January 10, 2014 at 2:13 pm | Permalink

    Re the first joke…

    If god is omnipresent he is already in. So I guess when some Jehovas Witness asks me to let god into my heart it shows they just don’t know what they are talking about…

    • Diane G.
      Posted January 10, 2014 at 9:06 pm | Permalink

      Love the stuff at the last link!

  14. Diana MacPherson
    Posted January 10, 2014 at 11:33 pm | Permalink

    The last one is the wittiest, playing on the “thank you” in Spanish with it’s literal meaning of “it’s nothing” as well as showing who really gives the food!

    • Diane G.
      Posted January 10, 2014 at 11:50 pm | Permalink

      Playing on the “you’re welcome,” actually. ;)

      • Diana MacPherson
        Posted January 10, 2014 at 11:51 pm | Permalink

        Ah yes, that’s what I meant. Duh.

        • Diane G.
          Posted January 10, 2014 at 11:52 pm | Permalink

          Well, I hadn’t thought about the double meaning till you pointed it out, so thanks. :)

          • Diana MacPherson
            Posted January 10, 2014 at 11:59 pm | Permalink

            Yeah, I don’t think I’m allowed to come up with new angles on things & spell correctly at the same time. Thinking so is hybristic and I was rightly punished by the internet gods, who clearly tricked me into my mistake like Raven or Kokopelli. :D

            • Diane G.
              Posted January 11, 2014 at 12:10 am | Permalink

              LOL! They’re definitely like that.

              But I had to look up hybristic, being only familiar with hubristic, so you’re still way ahead of me.

  15. Posted January 11, 2014 at 2:11 am | Permalink

    Re the first postcard: if this were in any other context, we’d instantly label it a protection racket!

  16. Mark Joseph
    Posted January 11, 2014 at 8:07 pm | Permalink

    So many cartoons…

    Try this one.

    And this one, refuting the divine nature of religion using no words!

    I collect religious humor for possible future use, and have saved all the good ones I find, but I’ve noticed it’s hard to post here if there are too many URLs in one post.

    • Diana MacPherson
      Posted January 11, 2014 at 8:10 pm | Permalink

      The octopus one is brilliant!

      • Mark Joseph
        Posted January 11, 2014 at 8:17 pm | Permalink

        SMBC is often brilliant, and nearly always so when dealing with religion. It vies with xkcd for my favorite.

        • Diana MacPherson
          Posted January 11, 2014 at 8:21 pm | Permalink

          Yes and the cartoonist says he decided just to put his atheism into his cartoons and lost some people because of it but he didn’t care because those were good cartoons!

  17. Mark Joseph
    Posted January 11, 2014 at 8:16 pm | Permalink

    And, don’t forget to check out The Atheist Pig, Little Atheist, and Pictoral Theology.

    OK, one more.

  18. Mark Joseph
    Posted January 11, 2014 at 8:23 pm | Permalink

    Well, I guess I’m incorrigible…

    Says it all.

    Ditto.


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