The Father, Son, and the Holy Toast

Okay gang, I’m off to Poland, but you haven’t heard the last from Professor Ceiling Cat. I leave you with what may be the ideal belated Christmas gift.

If you were the only person who had this, you’d make a fortune on eBay. But they are real, and for only $35 you can have one, too!

From Amazon:

Picture 1Here’s one in action (but do you dare to nom the Savior?):

Naturally the Amazonites have had a field day in the comments, e.g.:

Picture 2

h/t: P

38 Comments

  1. Posted December 27, 2013 at 3:39 pm | Permalink

    Now, all we need is the Jesus deep fryer — in which, of course, only lard should ever be used.

    b&

    • Jeffery Walz
      Posted December 28, 2013 at 1:41 pm | Permalink

      Good Lard, what will they think of next?

  2. Jesper Both Pedersen
    Posted December 27, 2013 at 3:54 pm | Permalink

    Happy trails.

  3. Posted December 27, 2013 at 3:59 pm | Permalink

    I saw this, and then was inspired to do a bit of Googling.

    Yes, the logical conclusion exists, but only as a prototype…and only in extremely low resolution.

    Still, if you can’t fit Mary into 144 pixels…well that would just go to show that she’s no pin-dancing angel.

    Cheers,

    b&

  4. infiniteimprobabilit
    Posted December 27, 2013 at 4:05 pm | Permalink

    Looks to me like it’s burnt in patches and underdone in between.

    Like the cheesecake of a couple of days ago, bad cooking does not constitute evidence of a miracle.

    (Love the title, by the way!)

    • Posted December 27, 2013 at 6:31 pm | Permalink

      Well, as Mark Twain said, if it’s a miracle, any sort of evidence will do…

    • Kevin
      Posted December 28, 2013 at 7:05 am | Permalink

      Yeah, great title for post.

  5. Posted December 27, 2013 at 4:36 pm | Permalink

    Does the savior tarry if it’s gluten-free dark rye?

  6. Posted December 27, 2013 at 4:59 pm | Permalink

    “… but do you dare to nom the Savior?”

    Why not?
    Roman Catholics have done it for centuries as part of they Holy Communion Ritual.

    • Posted December 27, 2013 at 4:59 pm | Permalink

      they = their

    • Posted December 27, 2013 at 6:02 pm | Permalink

      …and others long before the Christians started it.

      Hell, even Justin Martyr confirmed as much:

      For the apostles, in the memoirs composed by them, which are called Gospels, have thus delivered unto us what was enjoined upon them; that Jesus took bread, and when He had given thanks, said, This do in remembrance of Me, this is My body; and that, after the same manner, having taken the cup and given thanks, He said, This is My blood; and gave it to them alone. Which the wicked devils have imitated in the mysteries of Mithras, commanding the same thing to be done. For, that bread and a cup of water are placed with certain incantations in the mystic rites of one who is being initiated, you either know or can learn.

      N.b.: Mithraism is much older than Christianity, and Martyr’s main thesis is…well, in his own words:

      But those who hand down the myths which the poets have made, adduce no proof to the youths who learn them; and we proceed to demonstrate that they have been uttered by the influence of the wicked demons, to deceive and lead astray the human race. For having heard it proclaimed through the prophets that the Christ was to come, and that the ungodly among men were to be punished by fire, they put forward many to be called sons of Jupiter, under the impression that they would be able to produce in men the idea that the things which were said with regard to Christ were mere marvellous tales, like the things which were said by the poets. And these things were said both among the Greeks and among all nations where they [the demons] heard the prophets foretelling that Christ would specially be believed in; but that in hearing what was said by the prophets they did not accurately understand it, but imitated what was said of our Christ, like men who are in error, we will make plain.

      He then gives several examples — Bacchus and wine, Bellerophon and Pegasus, Perseus born of a virgin, Hercules’s strength, AEsculapius raising the dead, etc.

      Cheers,

      b&

      • lkr
        Posted December 27, 2013 at 8:17 pm | Permalink

        Belerophon, Pegasus and don’t forget Barack!

  7. Posted December 27, 2013 at 5:04 pm | Permalink

    We love this toaster. We feature the Holy Toast at our Atheists United (San Luis Obispo, CA) Farmers’ Market booth prominently.

    One of the triumphs of my life occurred when a Christian women berated us at the booth for displaying the toast, saying, “Is that what you do, mock other people’s religion?” No one knew what to do until I spoke up, saying “No, that’s not all we do!” in my best Chamber-of-commerce voice. I’ll never forget the look she gave me as she stormed off. Ah, good times!

    • js
      Posted December 28, 2013 at 7:57 am | Permalink

      Haha.
      Excellent comeback.

  8. Posted December 27, 2013 at 5:05 pm | Permalink

    Are there three slots?

    • BillyJoe
      Posted December 27, 2013 at 8:55 pm | Permalink

      No. Only one. But it contains three images. One on each side, and one in the middle. And if you cut the slice in half to see, the image will magically disappear as testament to your lack of faith. Shame on you!

  9. gravityfly
    Posted December 27, 2013 at 5:08 pm | Permalink

    Safe trip, professor!

  10. Matt G
    Posted December 27, 2013 at 6:37 pm | Permalink

    The head priest of the church which supports my school uses that 5000 fed with 2 fishes and 2 loaves for grace whenever he’s there. He also chuckles and grins and thinks it’s the cleverest thing since sliced bread – every single f’ing time he says it….

  11. TnkAgn
    Posted December 27, 2013 at 6:45 pm | Permalink

    I’m ashamed to say that I would slather Cheese Whiz™ on the face of the Savior. Not good, I’m thinking. What next, Vegemite?

    • bric
      Posted December 28, 2013 at 2:10 am | Permalink

      I really cannot begin to describe the image that came to mind then. What a Christmas that was!

  12. still learning
    Posted December 27, 2013 at 7:26 pm | Permalink

    A sign of the times? Jesus is toast.

    • Merilee
      Posted December 27, 2013 at 10:47 pm | Permalink

      +1

  13. rose
    Posted December 27, 2013 at 8:33 pm | Permalink

    I know someone on a site who is a real Jesus freak to the max .Will tell her about this.She will probably rush to amazon to buy it Im sure Jesus will tell her to buy it.

  14. Posted December 27, 2013 at 9:40 pm | Permalink

    Sellers from Nacogdoches, Texas, to Danville, Vermont, want allya’all to have one of theirs for only 20 bucks + 12 > for s & h.

    eBay states that in this last 24 hours’ time 48 different folks have been “watching” same — so’s allya’all best rush on over there for yers —- ‘fore those blue ‘nes are sold out.

    Blue’s the color o’the one ya’ want —- cuz we Virgins ourselves bulldoze out only .boys. ( such as was her [ Mary’s ] Cheezus ), doncha’ know ?

    Blue

    ps Yes, I myself too, just adore that there last part o’ the Trinity: the Holy Toast !

  15. Walt Jones
    Posted December 27, 2013 at 9:58 pm | Permalink

    Reminds me of a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon where Calvin shows Hobbes how to make toast. He puts the bread in the toaster and toast comes out. Hobbes asks, “what happened to the bread?”

    I use that to explain the difference between transubstantiation (Catholic) and consubstantiation (Lutheran). It’s all about what happens to the bread.

    • Posted December 28, 2013 at 6:20 am | Permalink

      never heard of that con before

      In essence the cracker carries Christ rather than becoming Christ

      I’ll buy that for a dollar

      • Walt Jones
        Posted December 28, 2013 at 10:15 am | Permalink

        Yep, with consubstantiation, it’s toasted bread. With transubstantiation, it’s toast.

  16. Larry Gay
    Posted December 28, 2013 at 3:53 am | Permalink

    Ridicule of religion is an effective weapon. Heap it on in every conceivable way. Cheers to the Vermont Novelty Toaster Corporation.

    • Draken
      Posted December 28, 2013 at 5:41 am | Permalink

      I Wonder what would happen if they produced a Mohammed toaster.

      On second thoughts, I don’t.

      • gbjames
        Posted December 28, 2013 at 8:34 am | Permalink

        They did. Don’t you know Mohammed has the very appearance of Jesus on toast?

  17. smartbean
    Posted December 28, 2013 at 8:52 am | Permalink

    Speaking of the Trinity, here’s some evidence from The Chapel of the Holy Cross in Sedona, Arizona that would doubtless have Francis Collins falling on his knees in prayer.

    • Kevin Alexander
      Posted December 28, 2013 at 9:04 am | Permalink

      That could also be three different Doctors coming back in the Turdis at the same time

  18. Amy Bean
    Posted December 28, 2013 at 9:40 am | Permalink

    The same company also makes a toaster with the Flying Spaghetti Monster! Ha! Here’s a link to the product on Amazon:

    • smartbean
      Posted December 28, 2013 at 9:49 am | Permalink

      There’s also a d*g paw toaster, but no cat’s paw toaster. Time for a boycott or change.org campaign?

  19. Posted December 28, 2013 at 9:54 am | Permalink

    Does the toaster have a transubstantiation setting on it?

  20. Tom johnson
    Posted December 28, 2013 at 10:25 am | Permalink

    Misheard by a youngster at an Irish funeral.
    “In the name of the Father and the Son and into the hole he goes.”

    Quote from Dave Allen.

  21. Posted December 29, 2013 at 3:42 pm | Permalink

    Jesus Crust.

    • gbjames
      Posted December 29, 2013 at 3:44 pm | Permalink

      Good one!


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