A miracle cheesecake in Arizona

In a short piece calledHoly sighting on Scottsdale cheesecake,” AzCentral.com reports one of the loonier miracles I’ve heard of  It’s not even the face of Jesus on the cheesecake, either, but simply a cross.  There’s a video on the site, whose entire narration is below (I love the “objective journalism” of the last sentence):

“A family makes a cheesecake for the holiday season, and when it was cooling off, it formed a crucifix. Is this a simple crust-cracking, or is this actually Jesus Christ coming back and showing support for this family’s religious beliefs?”

Here’s a screenshot from the video. Are you convinced? If it was Jesus, why did he come back in a cheesecake instead of appearing as a person to the family and saying “I am Jesus Christ, and I approve of your beliefs”? He could then produce many cheesecakes from the single one—enough to feed all of Scottsdale.

Screen shot 2013-12-26 at 6.53.41 AM

The site adds:

“Family members say they won’t be eating the cheesecake. Instead they plan on selling it and donating the money to a local charity or church.”

People on eBay will eat this up.

79 Comments

  1. Michael Fisher
    Posted December 26, 2013 at 10:21 am | Permalink

    I’d be ever so slightly more impressed if cheesecakes weren’t prone to cracking at the hands of inexperienced bakers…

    god free cheesecake:- Keep oven environment moist during baking, use a proper tin, on a solid base & allow the cake to cool in the turned off oven for a couple of hours. Then eat.

    • Posted December 26, 2013 at 11:08 am | Permalink

      You’ve just taken all the mystery out of life. Next you’ll be telling that us rainbows are not magic, but just light passing through water droplets or some such nonsense. How can you even get out of bed in the morning?

    • Notagod
      Posted December 26, 2013 at 9:51 pm | Permalink

      Thanks! I’d love to see that on one of the recipe sites.

  2. Posted December 26, 2013 at 10:21 am | Permalink

    It looks like two cracks to me …

    /@

    • Diana MacPherson
      Posted December 26, 2013 at 11:19 am | Permalink

      Ha! My first thought too (after, mmmmm cheesecake and mistakenly thinking this was going to be a post about really tasty cheesecake).

  3. Reginald Selkirk
    Posted December 26, 2013 at 10:22 am | Permalink

    it formed a crucifix

    Wrong. That’s just a cross. A crucifix has a dead body on it.

    • Posted December 26, 2013 at 10:28 am | Permalink

      It was there but the d*g ate it.

      • Posted December 26, 2013 at 12:50 pm | Permalink

        Yes, but this is the dog after eating said cheesecake, so I’m afraid the point is proven….

        b&

        • Dave
          Posted December 27, 2013 at 3:07 pm | Permalink

          Holely Christ!

          • BELIEBER
            Posted December 27, 2013 at 4:40 pm | Permalink

            Wow, that picture gives new meaning to the term, “Holy Crap!”

    • Kiwi Dave
      Posted December 26, 2013 at 12:57 pm | Permalink

      It looks more like a stylized dagger than a cross; perhaps I’m reading too much crime fiction at the moment.

      Strangely, neither of the two non-bake cheesecakes I made yesterday revealed any divine apparitions, unless there is a god with a rather smooth, creamy complexion covered by apricots or boysenberry sauce.

      • Posted December 26, 2013 at 1:00 pm | Permalink

        You’ve heard of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

        We might need to start the Synagogue of the Cracked Cheesecake. The imperfection of the sweet deity emphasizes its humility, a feature sorely lacking in most other gods.

        Cheers,

        b&

      • Posted December 26, 2013 at 2:57 pm | Permalink

        If there isn’t a god with a smooth, creamy complexion covered by apricots or boysenberry sauce, there really, really ought to be.

      • Mark Joseph
        Posted December 26, 2013 at 8:02 pm | Permalink

        That was my first thought, too: “They’re holding it upside down; it’s a dagger.”

  4. Posted December 26, 2013 at 10:26 am | Permalink

    Pastry pareidolia works better with scones.

    • Posted December 26, 2013 at 12:59 pm | Permalink

      In general pastry pareidolia works well with patsies.

      • Diane G.
        Posted December 26, 2013 at 1:24 pm | Permalink

        ;)

  5. Posted December 26, 2013 at 10:27 am | Permalink

    I wonder how many of their cheesecakes had cracks in the form of a half moon in the past AND have been eaten … they’re bound to have a fatwa against them any day now!

  6. Posted December 26, 2013 at 10:29 am | Permalink

    I have a similar sign in my concrete driveway .. how come I never had that almost immediate reaction of trying to make some money off of it?

    *out taking pictures of driveway for an eBay listing*

  7. darrelle
    Posted December 26, 2013 at 10:30 am | Permalink

    Is that the best their god can do? Shit, I could do better than that.

  8. Dan McPeek
    Posted December 26, 2013 at 10:30 am | Permalink

    It’s Arizona, what can you expect?

    Yesterday, my dog did a number two in the backyard in the shape of an A (atheist, what else could it mean?). But instead of notifying AzCentral.com, I kept it to myself
    (the incident, not the doo doo). I had to get rid of that, it was attracting flies, in the shape of a cross!

    • Posted December 26, 2013 at 11:10 am | Permalink

      Who do you think is stupider – Arizona or Florida?

      • NewEnglandBob
        Posted December 26, 2013 at 11:29 am | Permalink

        Stupid is a whole other issue.

        • Posted December 26, 2013 at 11:41 am | Permalink

          “nother” It’s a whole nother issue. Sorry, that’s just one of my pet peeves. When people use the word “other” where it clearly should be “nother.” ;)

          • infiniteimprobabilit
            Posted December 27, 2013 at 12:34 am | Permalink

            Not clear at all. In British English “other” is correct and “nother” is not a word. “A whole nother” is a malformed phrase derived by splitting up the word “another”.

            Question, is “nother” a word in US English? It seems to be debatable at best.

            • Posted December 27, 2013 at 9:31 am | Permalink

              No, it’s not a word. I was joking (hence the smiley face at the end). But it’s still commonly used in speech (though rarely in writing) and I still love to say it.

              • infiniteimprobabilit
                Posted December 27, 2013 at 3:46 pm | Permalink

                Ah, sorry. I totally overlooked the smiley. I though you were being unusually dogmatic about a point which is at best debateable (or informal).

                Cheers. :)

      • Posted December 26, 2013 at 3:01 pm | Permalink

        My in-laws live in Clearwater, Florida, and took me out one day, years ago, to show me the big water stain on the side of a bank building, which they said looked kind of like a blob, or maybe Space Ghost, but which the throngs of people worshipping it in the parking lot thought looked like the Virgin Mary.

        My in-laws weren’t sure whether to facepalm, to point and laugh, or just to sigh and move on. They assured my wife and me that people like that get bored after a couple months and leave, and, indeed, that’s what happened.

        So I vote for Florida. There are some smart people there, but, in general, the smart people who live there do a LOT of facepalming at their neighbors.

      • Mark Joseph
        Posted December 26, 2013 at 7:57 pm | Permalink

        Louisiana.

  9. NewEnglandBob
    Posted December 26, 2013 at 10:31 am | Permalink

    The emergence of the brain dead zombies in Arizona. 30 years ago, Arizona was a very nice place. It has since become a place of all kinds of right-wing nut bags. I used to love Phoenix, now I’d be afraid to visit.

  10. Keith
    Posted December 26, 2013 at 10:32 am | Permalink

    Perhaps this was really an upside-down cross, and it was a holy message of disapproval ;-)

    • gravelinspector-Aidan
      Posted December 26, 2013 at 12:25 pm | Permalink

      it looks a little burned to me. Do the …. sorry ; wrong question. HOW MANY chapters do the KKK have in Arizona? I’d have thought the prospect of taking semi-legal pot shots at people of a non-pink skin colour would have them swarming like flies to … well that’s been discussed up-thread.

  11. Posted December 26, 2013 at 10:37 am | Permalink

    Hmm.. am I the only one getting this “Cookies must be enabled to view articles on azcentral.com” message when trying to access Jerry’s link?

    *cookies ARE enabled!*

    • NewEnglandBob
      Posted December 26, 2013 at 10:42 am | Permalink

      I get “login or subscribe “$9.99

    • Posted December 26, 2013 at 10:51 am | Permalink

      Hmm … since I couldn’t access that link I went to eBay to see if it was already for sale ..
      I did a quick search on ‘cheesecake’ No crosses there (yet), but all the stuff that DID show up made me realize that the word ‘cheesecake’ may have different meanings that I wasn’t aware of until now.

    • Posted December 26, 2013 at 3:56 pm | Permalink

      am I the only one getting this “Cookies must be enabled to view articles on azcentral.com” message

      I’m getting the same.

      Dammit! Am I never going to allowed to watch online cheesecake?

      • Posted December 26, 2013 at 3:57 pm | Permalink

        oops: “be allowed” of course.

  12. Pliny the in Between
    Posted December 26, 2013 at 10:55 am | Permalink

    The true test of the miraculous will be if whoever eats the cheesecake fails to gain 3 kilos.

    • Posted December 26, 2013 at 11:14 am | Permalink

      My metric system skill are lacking – why can’t you use normal units of measurement god intended? Which is to say, how many stone are there in a kilo?

      • Pliny the in Between
        Posted December 26, 2013 at 11:31 am | Permalink

        There seems to be some confusion in the Bible as to whether igneous or metamorphic rocks are used for the standard – though one would assume that literalists would reject the very nature of metamorphic rocks ;)

      • gravelinspector-Aidan
        Posted December 26, 2013 at 12:29 pm | Permalink

        For optimal biblically endorsed getting stoned, you’d want about two stone to the kilo. Much heavier and it’s hard to aim straight so you might unintentionally knock the victim unconscious, instead of causing severe pain as is JHWH/ Jeebus/ Allah’s intention.

        • Posted December 26, 2013 at 12:53 pm | Permalink

          I think most people could get stoned from one kilo. It does make it hard to aim straight, though.

      • Posted December 27, 2013 at 6:26 am | Permalink

        “Which is to say, how many stone are there in a kilo?”

        aboot 1/6

  13. Posted December 26, 2013 at 11:03 am | Permalink

    Why doesn’t jesus come down and cure cancer instead of cracking cheesecakes or showing up on potato chips or stains in your underwear?

    • Posted December 26, 2013 at 11:15 am | Permalink

      Will you please stop confusing the faithful with such profound observations!

    • Mark Joseph
      Posted December 26, 2013 at 7:59 pm | Permalink

      Same reason why he never dials 911, or heals amputees, or drives out enemies with iron chariots.

  14. Posted December 26, 2013 at 11:07 am | Permalink

    I think this looks more like a satellite dish.

  15. Alex
    Posted December 26, 2013 at 11:12 am | Permalink

    I think that is the most wonderful idea, and I hope that they get lots of money for their charity from some rube who can spare it.

  16. Posted December 26, 2013 at 11:15 am | Permalink

    “People on eBay will eat this up.”

    I see what you did there.

  17. Posted December 26, 2013 at 11:17 am | Permalink

    Cheesecake?

    Fruitcakes!

  18. Timothy Hughbanks
    Posted December 26, 2013 at 11:23 am | Permalink

    ☮ If the cheesecake had cracked to yield a peace sign, would these fruitloops have given up their personal arms cache? ☮

    • Posted December 26, 2013 at 12:23 pm | Permalink

      Not today! It’s Box of Ammo Day in Arizona! Grab your new gun and blast away!

  19. codemonkeysteve
    Posted December 26, 2013 at 11:24 am | Permalink

    Perpendicular lines? It’s a miracle!

    And it proves that angles walk among us.

    • Posted December 26, 2013 at 11:44 am | Permalink

      An acute observation. You’re right, of course. Those believers are so obtuse.

    • Alex
      Posted December 26, 2013 at 12:00 pm | Permalink

      Le win de thread!

    • Posted December 26, 2013 at 12:55 pm | Permalink

      A free cheesecake for you!

  20. johndhynes
    Posted December 26, 2013 at 11:50 am | Permalink

    The link just gives me an error message about cookies. I had to remove the nclick_check=1 from the URL for it to work right.

  21. Posted December 26, 2013 at 12:15 pm | Permalink

    “If it was Jesus, why did he come back in a cheesecake instead of appearing as a person to the family …”

    Well, you see, the divine message that was to be conveyed here was: “You really need to work on your cheesecake baking skills” .. and though Jesus probably DID consider coming to earth for it, he must have realized that that would probably have been considered as slight overkill.
    On top of that, he may still have vivid recollections of how his last visit to earth ended. Not as joyous as he’d hoped!

    • Gordon
      Posted December 26, 2013 at 10:25 pm | Permalink

      And dog said unto them, albeit somewhat indirectly, the fat among you eat the small bits and the thinest the largest

  22. gravelinspector-Aidan
    Posted December 26, 2013 at 12:33 pm | Permalink

    If they’re selling foodstuffs, don’t they need some sort of license. Food hygiene rules, little things like that? Or are the godly exempt from bacteriology?
    Not that I’m suggesting that an Arizona correspondent might wish to phone an appropriate office and lay the wrath of bureaucracy down upon them.
    I’m channelling “Jules” from Pulp Fiction. Who had a better miracle.

  23. Sastra
    Posted December 26, 2013 at 12:41 pm | Permalink

    If you look closely into those crevices you can see the teeny tiny frozen bodies of some prehistoric icemen, perfectly preserved. But oh no, everyone has to focus on the cross shape and the real story gets ignored.

    As usual.

    • Diana MacPherson
      Posted December 26, 2013 at 1:03 pm | Permalink

      Ha! Good one!

  24. marcusa1971
    Posted December 26, 2013 at 3:46 pm | Permalink

    Wow! The awesome power of the christian god on display here! I am off to church immediately!

    • Mark Joseph
      Posted December 26, 2013 at 8:01 pm | Permalink

      Ha ha! I’m an atheist! I like peanut butter pie better than cheesecake. This so-called “miracle” does not impress me!

  25. Aroup Chatterjee
    Posted December 26, 2013 at 3:55 pm | Permalink

    Looks more like a vagina to me

  26. Kevin
    Posted December 26, 2013 at 4:01 pm | Permalink

    Ah Arizona…Arizona, how I love thee. So beautiful a state. The powers of the people of Scottsdale: what have you done with reason?

    How does it go…you will not get your cake and you will not eat it today…you will endorse luncay and perpatuate the disease of shallow fiction.

  27. Mark Joseph
    Posted December 26, 2013 at 8:17 pm | Permalink

    Found it!

    http://www.gocomics.com/baldo/2005/03/19#.Urzw8YWKykY

  28. Canine Creator
    Posted December 27, 2013 at 9:00 am | Permalink

    Those look more like lick marks from a DOGS tongue rather than a sign from GOD. Remember, DOG is GOD spelled backwards so GOD used the DOGs tongue to do his work!
    GOOD DOG!

  29. Matt D
    Posted December 27, 2013 at 10:21 am | Permalink

    I guess some people will do anything to hide their poor cooking skills.

  30. KP
    Posted December 27, 2013 at 3:30 pm | Permalink

    Someone has probably pointed this out before, but are we sure it isn’t an upside down cross and therefore a sign from, could it be… SATAN??

  31. Ringading Singh
    Posted February 1, 2014 at 5:59 am | Permalink

    A cross on a cheesecake sounds like worrying times to me. This is a sign of the lord and all of his disciples being raised from the dead, so I urge everybody to check your kitchen cupboards right away!!


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