Wednesday funnies: creationism and the Papacy

Two good ones this morning, sent by alert reader Linda Grilli:

Girls just want to be popes (from Non Sequitur):

Non sequitur

Doonesbury is doing creationism, and that’s always good for some laughs:

Picture 1

16 Comments

  1. Dave Ricks
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 6:34 am | Permalink

    inb4 Tyrannosaurus rex was pushed!

  2. Kevin Alexander
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 7:00 am | Permalink

    If you’re overqualified maybe you can de-qualify yourself. Kind of like the male angler fish.

    Step 1) Attach yourself to the Holy Mother the Church.
    Step 2) Let your mind atrophy until it’s nothing but a useless sack of shit dogma.

    • Kevin Alexander
      Posted February 27, 2013 at 7:01 am | Permalink

      sorry!! I didn’t mean to embed that video.

      • Kevin Alexander
        Posted February 27, 2013 at 7:02 am | Permalink

        Someone remind me. How do I not do that.

        • Posted February 27, 2013 at 2:20 pm | Permalink

          Two ways, I know of… the easy way is NOT to include the http in front of the URL. Like this: (I hope this works, now that I’m trying to pose as an expert)

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Z-BbpaNXbxg

          The other, slightly more difficult way is to use the (a href=”” /a) construct, like this:

          The Angler Fish (view the source code of this page to see how I did this, if necessary)

          I’m not sure how many URLs per message automatically sends the post to moderation – perhaps more than two… certainly more than three.

        • Posted February 27, 2013 at 2:21 pm | Permalink

          In the first example, I only posted the URL from “www” on; WordPress added the http prefix and turned it into a link.

          • Kevin Alexander
            Posted February 28, 2013 at 8:23 am | Permalink

            Thanks for the help. I post-it nottid it to my gallery.

  3. Posted February 27, 2013 at 8:08 am | Permalink

    I love Non Sequitur. I wanted to name one of my daughters Danae but my wife wouldn’t have it.

  4. Posted February 27, 2013 at 9:39 am | Permalink

    Canonically speaking (but leaving aside that she’s a fictional character), those are merely reasons why it’s very unlikely that Danae would be elected pope. The absolute requirements for papal election is a 2/3 vote of the Cardinals in the Conclave… and accepting the job. You don’t have to be a cardinal, bishop, or even priest beforehand — though after accepting, you immediately are a bishop (specifically: the Bishop of Rome), and if you weren’t a bishop before are due to be immediately anointed as one unless you (as absolute earthly monarch of the Church) then decree otherwise. Technically, you don’t even have to be Catholic beforehand, but again become (definitively) so on accepting the job.

    However, given that more than half of the Cardinals were appointed by the relatively conservative Benny #16, that sort of surprise seems quite unlikely. I’d expect that the chances are better for a male member of the Catholic laity being elected than for a woman (of whatever religious background inside or outside the Church).

    Similarly, Danae could also be made the first Empress of the United States, provided she could get a Constitutional Amendment declaring this the requisite 2/3 majority votes of House and Senate (or Constitutional convention) and ratification by 3/4 the state legislatures/conventions. In fact, I suspect the odds on a Popess being elected by the current Conclave are quite a lot lower than on an American Empress from the current Congress.

    Unless someone happens to have access to some Orbital Mind Control Lasers…?

    • Kevin
      Posted February 27, 2013 at 1:03 pm | Permalink

      You do, however, have to be a man.

      There’s a ceremony and everything.

      Because there was a scandal back in the Middle Ages where someone became Pope who later was revealed to be a woman.

      Since then, they check to see if nuts are attached to the religious nut.

      • Posted February 27, 2013 at 2:29 pm | Permalink

        …in a process known in the inner circles as “palpating the papal pudendum.”

        • Posted February 27, 2013 at 3:02 pm | Permalink

          …probing for papal pudenda, perhaps?

          (the above, when read quickly, has a lovely triplet meter. Kind-of gives me an idea for a song…)

      • Posted March 1, 2013 at 7:07 am | Permalink

        There’s persistent rumors of a “Pope Joan”, but no good evidence. (For one thing, there’s no appropriate gap in the papacy’s history.) I’ve heard Peter Stanford’s “The Legend of Pope Joan” covers it only slightly sensationally. It’s pretty much a millennium-old urban legend.

        More particularly, the papal election is canonically governed by Part Two of Universi Dominici Gregis, with one or two modifications from Benny #16. (Mainly, making 2/3 majority an inescapable requirement.) There does not appear to be explicit specification of the sex of the elected. Feel free to see if you can find one that I missed.

    • infiniteimprobabilit
      Posted February 27, 2013 at 10:37 pm | Permalink

      “Similarly, Danae could also be made the first Empress of the United States, provided she could get a Constitutional Amendment declaring this the requisite 2/3 majority votes of House and Senate (or Constitutional convention) and ratification by 3/4 the state legislatures/conventions.”

      Ssssh! You’ll give her ideas. I’ll bet she reads this website.

      (Danae’s my favourite cartoon character. How could I not love someone so… cynical ;)

  5. Posted February 27, 2013 at 8:19 pm | Permalink

    Love Non Sequitor! Great stuff!

  6. infiniteimprobabilit
    Posted February 27, 2013 at 11:43 pm | Permalink

    Let me be the first to note that today’s Non Sequitur continues the theme.

    (I live on the bottom of the world. I usually come last to every discussion. Non Sequitur which flips over at (I assume) midnight is the ONLY advantage I have over the rest of you. So I might as well make the most of it.)


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