Proof that Jesus was male

His floury image just appeared on a tortilla in New Mexico, clearly showing a beard and moustache.

David Sandoval said he discovered an image of Jesus on a tortilla his mother baked for Ash Wednesday.
He couldn’t bring himself to eat the tortilla, so he posted a picture of it on Facebook.
“Everybody has been able to see it. They’re calling it a miracle,” Sandoval told local station KOAT-TV.
“New Mexico has always been known to have interesting things happen during Lent time.”

Given that every image of Jesus that has ever appeared, from chairs to tortillas to tree trunks, shows him as unambiguously male, I think we can take that as dispositive that he was male, and therefore not a hermaphrodite.

85 Comments

  1. Posted March 7, 2012 at 8:17 am | Permalink

    looks like a baby parasaurolophus to me…

    • YourName's notBruce?
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 8:58 am | Permalink

      +1

  2. Posted March 7, 2012 at 8:18 am | Permalink

    Looks like Jim Morrison to me.

    • Chris
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 8:27 am | Permalink

      I thought it was Che Guevara!

      • daveau
        Posted March 7, 2012 at 8:29 am | Permalink

        Charles Manson.

        • DiscoveredJoys
          Posted March 7, 2012 at 8:35 am | Permalink

          One of the goons from the old Popeye cartoons.

          • sasqwatch
            Posted March 7, 2012 at 9:46 am | Permalink

            You’re all wrong. It’s Le Zoave.

            • sasqwatch
              Posted March 7, 2012 at 9:47 am | Permalink

              “Le Zouave”. *ahem*

              • Posted March 8, 2012 at 5:47 am | Permalink

                Santorum!
                After last Tuesday…

      • Bjarte Foshaug
        Posted March 7, 2012 at 10:56 am | Permalink

        Zappa!

      • Kevin
        Posted March 8, 2012 at 11:35 am | Permalink

        Adrien Brody. It’s a commercial for the new Gillette razor.

    • Ed Stephenson
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 10:18 am | Permalink

      Carlos Santana

    • David Murdock
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 12:10 pm | Permalink

      I would have guessed PZ Myers. Is there any rule that says you have to be dead before you start showing up on tortillas?

    • starskeptic
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 1:46 pm | Permalink

      I second Morrison…

    • Ollipehkonen
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 3:13 pm | Permalink

      young Pete Townshend

    • Diane G.
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 9:36 pm | Permalink

      George Harrison.

    • Jeff Sherry
      Posted March 8, 2012 at 12:11 pm | Permalink

      The Zig Zag man of rolling papers. A tough smoke.

      • sasqwatch
        Posted March 8, 2012 at 4:28 pm | Permalink

        Yep. I kept trying to tell folks that above.
        “Le Zouave” (see above comment). But would anybody listen? No. Too busy giving their pesky wrong opinions to listen to their betters.

  3. Wildhog
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 8:18 am | Permalink

    This doesnt make me a believer, but it does make me hungry.

  4. Wildhog
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 8:19 am | Permalink

    How do we know thats Jesus and not Mary?

    • Linda Grilli Calhoun
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 9:10 am | Permalink

      The BEARD, you dope!! L

      • Sigh
        Posted March 7, 2012 at 11:31 am | Permalink

        You’re right, if Mary had a beard, it was a wonderful Baron Davis/James Harden beard. The beard on the tortilla is unworthy.

  5. Posted March 7, 2012 at 8:20 am | Permalink

    Don’t forget this appearance:

    http://www.thegoodatheist.net/2009/05/25/butthole-jesus/

    I don’t suppose we’ll see that one on ebay any time soon! ;-)

    Cheers,
    Norm.

  6. John K.
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 8:32 am | Permalink

    Ha! Clearly that is an upside-down image of ceiling cat.

  7. Sunny
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 8:39 am | Permalink

    Finally the evidence that I was waiting for: served on a plate!

    Is this the childish belief that the Rabbi was talking about in your post yesterday.

    Sunny

  8. Dominic
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 8:39 am | Permalink

    Looks like Sahelanthropus tchadensis to me!
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sahelanthropus_tchadensis

  9. Achrachno
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 8:39 am | Permalink

    Why not a bearded hermaphrodite? Circuses even used to have bearded ladies.

  10. Posted March 7, 2012 at 8:44 am | Permalink

    Sorry, that looks more like the guy that used to be on the package of Brawny towels.

  11. Posted March 7, 2012 at 8:56 am | Permalink

    I see a Pacman ghost.

    • Chris Granger
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 12:13 pm | Permalink

      +1! Clearly none of these heathens spent enough time in grimy video game arcades in the ’80s.

    • Daryl
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 9:53 pm | Permalink

      That’s the Holy Ghost, silly. Clearly, you’re interpreting Pacman too literally. It’s a metaphor! For…something or other…

  12. Posted March 7, 2012 at 9:00 am | Permalink

    Ask Mary Magdalene; I’m sure she will confirm Jesus was male.

  13. Posted March 7, 2012 at 9:00 am | Permalink

    Well, at least that answers some of those questions about his genetic heritage.

    Clearly, Jesus was seriously in bread….

    b&

    • Frank
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 9:04 am | Permalink

      There are many examples of the in-bread cat meme. Ceiling Cat is a bone fide deity.

      Now we have an image of an in-bread Jesus, who is a considered a deity by billions.

      Ergo, inbreeding is next to godliness, and gods differ from humans simply by having higher levels of homozygosity!

  14. Pray Hard
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 9:05 am | Permalink

    It’s not Jesus, it’s Hey Zeus. Just don’t eat the fish tacos in Albuquerque.

    • Linda Grilli Calhoun
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 9:11 am | Permalink

      Don’t eat fish tacos anywhere. L

      • Achrachno
        Posted March 7, 2012 at 9:07 pm | Permalink

        Never pass up a fish taco, unless you can get a lobster taco.

  15. Posted March 7, 2012 at 9:07 am | Permalink

    looks like HR from Bad Brains, to me (sorry if this is a double post).

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LWxQOcyurFw/TaJdgra3eTI/AAAAAAAAA8k/E_ZgsPq8lxQ/s1600/HR.jpg

  16. Sigmund
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 9:11 am | Permalink

    Wait a second, what about all those images of the Virgin Mary that appear on various assorted foodstuff/walls/dogs-rear-ends etc.
    They are rarely labelled as “Mary”.
    Perhaps these are really showing Jesus and we are just mistaking them for his Mom!

  17. dunstar
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 9:26 am | Permalink

    lolz. well i discovered a photo of JC holding a raptor in google. does that count?

  18. SB
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 9:38 am | Permalink

    My mother, who was brought up in the depths of Louisiana and died recently at age 93, always asked about the whole god is a man thing. She wondered what he did with the male part, why he had it, did he go to the bathroom with it, was there a Mrs God so he needed it.

    She would have fed the taco to her dog.

    • daveau
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 10:22 am | Permalink

      That’s a great story and a wonderful memory. Sorry for your loss.

  19. Posted March 7, 2012 at 9:40 am | Permalink

    come on! It’s clearly Cat Stevens

  20. SplendidMonkey
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 10:08 am | Permalink

    I thought it was a melanoma. If you have a mole like that, see your doctor.

  21. Jim Norman
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 10:17 am | Permalink

    That’s totally a Phantom of the Opera mask.

  22. ForCarl
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 10:19 am | Permalink

    Verily I sayeth unto you- “Bite me”.

    • S A GOULD
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 12:32 pm | Permalink

      So it’s not “Jesus was male,” it’s Jesus is TASTY?

      • ForCarl
        Posted March 7, 2012 at 12:35 pm | Permalink

        I wouldn’t exactly use the term “tasty” when describing the “host”. Of course, I was a protestant who was only eating a chaste (and very bland) representation of Jesus’s body. My next door neighbor who was catholic actually got to eat flesh. I thought her religion was way cooler than mine.

  23. Ed Stephenson
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 10:20 am | Permalink

    He didn’t eat it? I thought that was the point: the body of Christ, etc.

  24. yam
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 10:20 am | Permalink

    It looks like one of the blue ghosts in Pac Man…

  25. Marcus
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 10:21 am | Permalink

    I thought it was Kris Kristofferson. Gives a whole new meaning to his song “Why me Lord”.

  26. S A GOULD
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 11:03 am | Permalink

    What with the ridiculous amount of money offered for these holy food sightings, I’ve just got to start looking more closely at what I’m eating!

  27. P
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 11:06 am | Permalink

    I actually thought it looked a little more like Adam Sandler in ‘Meet the Zohan’.
    http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/famecrawler/2008/06/01-07/zohan-cast-you-don-t-mess-with-the-zohan-soundtrack.jpg

  28. DrDroid
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 11:25 am | Permalink

    Turn it upside down; looks like Cellar Dog to me.

  29. Nom de Plume
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 11:29 am | Permalink

    You know what would get my attention? If one of these images appeared that looked like a guy from the part of the world where Jesus was allegedly from, that’s what.

    • Sigh
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 12:06 pm | Permalink

      Missouri redneck wiv a mullet? Cor Blimey!

  30. MWalton
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 12:12 pm | Permalink

    Turn it upside-down and Jesus is a German Shepherd!

    • S A GOULD
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 12:33 pm | Permalink

      BY GOD, YOU’RE RIGHT!

      • piero
        Posted March 8, 2012 at 5:23 pm | Permalink

        Excellent! Rightside up, a Jewish rabbi; upside down, a German shepherd. If this toast had come up in the 1930′s, probably Hitler wouldn’t have had a leg to stand on.

    • neil
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 12:59 pm | Permalink

      That’s the meaning of Luke 2:8-9. Those were German Shepherds watching their flocks by night.

    • Ollipehkonen
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 3:20 pm | Permalink

      Mexican dude is holding his bread upside down. What a fail!

  31. Circe
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 12:17 pm | Permalink

    That’s almost certainly His Awesome Freeness Richard Stallman.

    • Posted March 7, 2012 at 6:08 pm | Permalink

      The man him self St IGNUcius of the Church of Emacs:

      • Posted March 7, 2012 at 6:27 pm | Permalink

        You know, Emacs would be a much better operating system if only it had a decent editor….

        b&

        • infiniteimprobabilit
          Posted March 8, 2012 at 2:42 am | Permalink

          Careful! I thought the only Holy Wars allowed on this website were ones involving God. (And in this context, God != Linus Torvalds or RMS… )

  32. Posted March 7, 2012 at 12:18 pm | Permalink

    Chimichanga hirsuitism.

  33. Derek
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 1:31 pm | Permalink

    Jerry Garcia?

  34. Richard Thomas
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm | Permalink

    I still think the best is the dog-butt Jesus.

  35. Asura
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm | Permalink

    If somebody showed me that tortilla before I knew that people went around claiming it be a face of Jesus, I would never derive Jesus out of those abstract burn marks.

  36. Harbo
    Posted March 7, 2012 at 5:18 pm | Permalink

    It looks like a melanoma to me.
    Which raises the question
    “if my melanoma looks like jesus is it sacreligious to have it removed?

    • Achrachno
      Posted March 7, 2012 at 9:13 pm | Permalink

      Yes, you should be willing to die to save Jesus.

  37. Posted March 7, 2012 at 11:31 pm | Permalink

    Trey Anastasio!!

  38. Kharamatha
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 4:54 am | Permalink

    I see erotic asphyxiation.

    What?

  39. Posted March 8, 2012 at 5:50 am | Permalink

    Creationists’ missing link?

  40. Posted March 8, 2012 at 6:50 am | Permalink

    Looks more like a Pacman ghost…

    http://tinyurl.com/7jgzg6w

  41. Paulo Jabardo
    Posted March 8, 2012 at 2:52 pm | Permalink

    It looks more like bin Laden to me! Perhaps those Muslim fundies are right after all.

  42. Aidan Karley
    Posted March 10, 2012 at 4:36 am | Permalink

    I think that Freewheeling Franklin Freakowtski had the best experimental protocol for determining someone’s maleness. Unfortunately, since the comics are still in copyright … the panels are not online. But for those who know the strip, it’s the “one-liner I wish I’d thought of at the time” in response to a redneck comment that “with that long hair, I can’t tell if it’s a boy or a girl”.

  43. Tezcatlipoca
    Posted March 12, 2012 at 3:00 pm | Permalink

    Who tf bakes a tortilla! The masa or dough is placed on a hot, dry, comal. There is no oven involved. Pinche guey!


3 Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. [...] side effects. There is simply no way that anyone today could claim to know whether Jesus did or not.Of course, if you are happy to decide the matter based on whether his image has a beard when it appe…. Tags: female, gender, genitalia, hermaphrodite, Jerry Coyne, Jesus, Klinefelter syndrome, male, [...]

  2. […] appearing in food. Jesus has apparently made cameo appearances on a piece of toast, a Cheeto and a tortilla. Apparently, the son of God is way into […]

  3. […] appearing in food. Jesus has apparently made cameo appearances on a piece of toast, a Cheeto and a tortilla. Apparently, the son of God is way into […]

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