Holy cow

The latest manifestation of the theistic God: meet Moses the Divinely Marked Cow.

This has got to be real.  As his owner says,  “I think it’s a sign of divine intervention. . . I’m in the breeding business. I know a thing about reproduction and genetics, and I don’t think this could happen again in a million other cows.”

36 Comments

  1. bric
    Posted December 9, 2009 at 8:37 am | Permalink

    98 million cattle in the US in 2000, so I guess there are a hundred or so of these miraculous critters every year . . .

    • Jim H
      Posted December 10, 2009 at 9:48 am | Permalink

      Not to mention that the population of cattle turns over every few years so that in the average human life time this would amount to well over a billion cattle or a thousand crosses.

  2. Jordan
    Posted December 9, 2009 at 8:56 am | Permalink

    How long until this beast reaches sainthood?

    • bric
      Posted December 10, 2009 at 12:28 pm | Permalink

      How do you know it hasn’t?

  3. newenglandbob
    Posted December 9, 2009 at 8:58 am | Permalink

    Why do people from Connecticut (35 miles from Providence, Rhode Island) have a deep down-Maine accent?

    Lucy! Someone has some ‘spainin to do!

  4. SWH
    Posted December 9, 2009 at 9:02 am | Permalink

    bric – how can you be so cynical so close to the savior’s pretend birthday! (after all not all of that hundred are born so close to the winter solstice, just many of them)

    The lady might know a thing or two about breeding – but she seems to need to learn a little about the nature of melanocyte migration during embryogenesis. Still the guy seemed to see the amusing side.

    As an aside I’ve got to wonder why you’d call a calf with a cross on its head after a (fictitious) old testament jewish guy. I would have thought that an apostolic name might have been more suitable.

  5. Posted December 9, 2009 at 9:29 am | Permalink

    Reminds me of a Whitlams song – She was one in a million, so there’s five more just in New South Wales.

  6. Marilyn
    Posted December 9, 2009 at 9:49 am | Permalink

    You can’t be possible be serious…commenting on this…? this was a joke right? In case you are interested I have seen a cabbage leaf with a Jesus face imprinted-Turin shroud look alike-Please drop this line, oops, cow- of reasoning..

  7. mk
    Posted December 9, 2009 at 10:08 am | Permalink

    That mark is the silhouette of Marilyn Monroe over the street vent! Seriously. Look at it again!

    • AdamK
      Posted December 9, 2009 at 5:09 pm | Permalink

      Definitely Marilyn. I entirely concur.

      If that’s a cross, it’s the most unintelligently designed one I’ve ever seen.

    • bad Jim
      Posted December 9, 2009 at 9:01 pm | Permalink

      Oh, good. I’m not the only one who thought that.

      • SaintStephen
        Posted December 10, 2009 at 2:58 pm | Permalink

        I think it’s a brine shrimp. A lot of my sea monkeys looked liked that.

  8. NMcC
    Posted December 9, 2009 at 10:16 am | Permalink

    Is that supposed to be a cross?

    More like Casper, the friendly ghost than anything to do with Jebus, Holy Ghost.

  9. Posted December 9, 2009 at 10:19 am | Permalink

    Yes, it’s a sign from God to start taking advantage of the gullible yet again.

    In varying forms, such significations are common, and the reason the CSC at the DI exists. For, all life signifies that selling books feeding the pareidolia urge is a divine calling.

    Glen Davidson

    http://tinyurl.com/mxaa3p

  10. Urmensch
    Posted December 9, 2009 at 10:31 am | Permalink

    It’s obviously an old-style cigarette girl with the tray in front.

    It’s a sign to bring back smoking to cinemas.

  11. Posted December 9, 2009 at 10:40 am | Permalink

    I vote for a mutated Spanish 7.

  12. Sili
    Posted December 9, 2009 at 10:42 am | Permalink

    I’m pretty sure the holy cow is supposed to be a completely red heifer without a single white hair, born Israëli soil.

    And that mark is a kris not a cross. I guess that means the Lrod spels reel gud laik.

  13. Ambrosia
    Posted December 9, 2009 at 1:17 pm | Permalink

    A young bull calf on a dairy farm would need to be holy to avoid a future as veal.

  14. Spirula
    Posted December 9, 2009 at 1:21 pm | Permalink

    That’s a cross, as in crucifixtion cross? Looks to me like Geezer God was on a bender when he did that.

    I’m going with “X marks the spot” for the poor thing when it makes it to the abattoir.

  15. efrique
    Posted December 9, 2009 at 3:06 pm | Permalink

    hmm. 1.5 billion cows on the planet, so even if the figure of one in a million is right (which I doubt) there’s thousands of these guys around.

  16. Posted December 9, 2009 at 3:14 pm | Permalink

    What does “t” stand for anyway? Thor?

    Or is there some god that doesn’t capitalize it’s name?

    Glen Davidson

    http://tinyurl.com/mxaa3p

    • ennui
      Posted December 9, 2009 at 3:54 pm | Permalink

      GAD, the ‘t’ is obviously for Tarvu. Do not mock the Tarvunty or Amzamiviram during this sacred season of Thelvol Hatty Haynu!

    • Posted December 10, 2009 at 9:56 pm | Permalink

      I’d stick with Thor, since it sort of looks like a warhammer, as well.

  17. ennui
    Posted December 9, 2009 at 3:31 pm | Permalink

    I wonder how many minutes they will spend on tomorrow’s “Fox and Friends” discussing the implications of this mark on the beast?

    Will prediction markets now go long on milk? Will these goofballs?

    The real Christmas miracle would be if wire services did not actively look for this kind of thing, but that would require a different kind of viewership.

    • ennui
      Posted December 9, 2009 at 3:34 pm | Permalink

      Oh, and did God run out of pancakes or something?

  18. Posted December 9, 2009 at 4:04 pm | Permalink

    The guy says he hopes the cross is “a sign of things to come.” Like being crucified? Shit…

  19. Kevin Neilson
    Posted December 9, 2009 at 4:17 pm | Permalink

    A cross? Is that all they see? Impoverhished imaginations, they! I see a hummingbird, a ballerina, and a butler, to boot.

  20. Posted December 9, 2009 at 8:39 pm | Permalink

    I think it looks like a flower, perhaps a rose? The horizontals are like petals.

    Well, actually, I just changed my mind. I am having a come to Jesus moment now … all because of that cow

  21. Chris Ford
    Posted December 9, 2009 at 9:44 pm | Permalink

    God isn’t even trying anymore.

  22. John
    Posted December 9, 2009 at 11:45 pm | Permalink

    I still say it’s a target for the bolt gun to come.

  23. llewelly
    Posted December 10, 2009 at 10:17 am | Permalink

    That’s not a cross. It’s a faucet.
    It’s a message from God that they should take up the worship of clean culinary water – a technology which has prevented untold billions of untimely deaths.

  24. Posted December 10, 2009 at 1:09 pm | Permalink

    Here we go again…a modern version of the Golden Calf!

  25. Pray Hard
    Posted December 10, 2009 at 2:28 pm | Permalink

    Looks a little like a compact machine gun to me.

  26. ron
    Posted December 10, 2009 at 5:59 pm | Permalink

    hitler cats are more interesting.

  27. Posted December 13, 2009 at 6:19 am | Permalink

    Here’s a horse with the Holy Ghost!!

    http://tinyurl.com/ydtsfxs


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